Sunday, February 27, 2011

God Loves Me Like That

Late in the night I kneel before my God, just He and I. The blast of air from the church heating vents quiets, and the creaking of the cold building stops. And then there is silence. God and I. And I feel His warmth. Words are not necessary …

I don’t know why I always cry at the end of the movie You’ve Got Mail. I must have seen it a dozen times or more, yet it’s always like the first. Perhaps it’s the old song that is being sung in the background; it fits so perfectly with the scene; there is a harmony between music, words, and picture that is so unusual, it moves me every time. Perhaps it’s the beautiful garden scene itself. But I think it’s mostly the awareness I feel that the event of two people, made for each other, finding each other, despite their vast differences, despite their personal problems, despite thinking that the other has hurt them, despite their personal loneliness in this vast universe of so many people, and despite all odds, they come to realize that they love each other. So at that moment, when I see all those wonderful things come together, I love it so much I cry. And as I kneel here in the chapel, I feel a similar moment in the relationship between God and me, and I think ….

God loves me like that.

Puppies just make me smile. Just saying the word “puppies” brings pleasant thoughts of playful little golden retrievers. In the quiet, I can see them learning all the things little puppies learn: them jumping and rolling atop each other, one struggling to stand as a sibling knocks him down, them looking up at the blue sky overhead and wondering where the water from the sprinkler is coming from, and them laying side by side quietly sleeping. Oh, in all their innocence, puppies always make me smile.

God loves me like that.

But I know that sometimes love is not so easy, and hard times are never forgotten. As a teenager, I remember being ashamed, and yet angry, when dad found the cigarettes in my coat pocket one day after school. I didn’t think about loving him then; I was quiet. I remember the child that my spouse miscarried in the night; I couldn’t look at it; I couldn’t understand why things like that happened; I couldn’t find love when I needed it, but I was there. And I remember my spouse cursing me and saying I didn’t love her because I couldn’t always agree with her. I felt a little like a parent with a child, confident I was right (but I wasn’t, always), trying to control my emotions --- and sometimes not successfully. It’s very hard to love when you don’t feel loved, and you’re living on the energy of past and expected future loves.

But God loves me very well, in times like that.

I remember my sister, my dad and my friend’s dying. They knew they would be with God shortly, and they trusted Him. And they trusted me to be with them in their hour of decision, and in their final hour of need. They trusted that I would always pray for them, and talk to them into eternity. They loved me, and knew I loved them.

God loves me like that.

At mass I see families of five, seven, or even ten or more, quietly praying, attentive and worshipping, together. When the Liturgy of the Word for children is announced, I see the little children walk quietly to the front of the church, brother and sister, hand in hand, and then they all genuflect before God -- and I can feel His love for them. I recall seeing the rich man serving at the soup kitchen, the old person praying seemingly alone in church, and I remember the radio station pledge drive that was doing poorly, until an anonymous donor gave the amount still needed --- he had dug deep. I remember the special day, long ago, the clear blue sky, the cold lake in front of me, the tall trees behind, and the snow-covered mountains on three sides before me; alone; just God and I. And I remember the funeral mass of a good man: the church was filled to overflowing. He had no talents; he had no money, but he had friends (even some whom he did not know, but they knew of him). I think if he could speak to them he would have said: “Thank you for being here today, but please don’t say you admire me; I was just a man. If you wish to honor my life, then live my life.” I see God in all of these people and things, and I know …

God loves me like that.

Kneeling in the quiet before him now, leaving unsaid all the ways He loves me, I feel great comfort. Because I will always remember, in the perfect moments together, in the gentle silliness of innocence, in the firm resolve that will hold us together in difficult times: no matter what, in all the beauty of his actions and of his creation, and in living and in dying, there exists the unsaid a confidence between us that this love will last always. Always.

God loves me like that.

Matthew 6: 24-34

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Growth in Holiness: First Pain

Among my morning readings of late is a small book titled: The Friendship of Christ. Written by Robert Hugh Benson, an Anglican convert who died in 1914, the book reads as fresh as written yesterday. I particularly liked his treatment of spiritual growth, which he described as a friendship with Jesus, and his treatment of the classical Purgative and Illuminative Ways. In short, The Purgative Way describes how we must be torn down of our own ideas, and the Illuminative Way describes how we must put on the light of Christ, and see life with God in a wholly different way, a way of holiness, not just any ordinary friendship.

Benson notes that friendship with Christ begins like all friendships, we see something God or His Church and we think we have detected a soul exactly suited to our own; He has knocked at our door, and we have answered. He begins to live before our eyes. And then we are happy with our new friend, very happy. All is well in our life, and we are enthusiastic about all things spiritual. But this is just the beginning of a growth in holiness, even though some may see it as the end: Isn’t this the faith I have been longing for? Isn’t this walking with my friend, God, wonderful? But then, Benson notes, the soul herself must be educated. She must be purged and then illuminated. The initial friendship gave the soul a reason, or desire, to do this, to grow closer, but no friendship stays as it first started.

The first stage of the purgation is what the world calls disillusionment, specifically disillusionment with earthly things associated with our newfound friend. The novelty begins to wear off. She becomes disillusioned with human things, and finds that however Christian they may be, they are not, after all, Christ. Just as something sparks the initial friendship, often something sparks the disillusionment, perhaps a disgruntled priest, a disunited congregation, or maybe a misunderstanding of Church teachings. She had thought the Church must be perfect, because it was the Church of Christ. Some souls may walk away at this point, they never took the time to try and understand their friend, but those that stay have learned their first lesson: that divinity is not in these earthly things, that the love of Christ is a deeper thing than mere presents He makes to His new friends.

The second stage of purgation is a disillusionment with divine things; the monotony of piety. Prayer and meditation become a chore. Prayers not heard lead the soul to question if anyone is listening. Christ has cheated her, it almost seems, with promises He cannot or will not fulfill. Here is where some souls become cynical because things are not going their way. They tell others: I was once as you are. But you will become practical, some day too. Yet if the soul can perceive yet another lesson here, it can grow greatly: the object of religion is that the soul should serve God, not that God should serve the soul.

And despite all these things which might tear many friendships with God asunder, there is a final stage to purgation. Disillusioned with things of earth, and disillusioned with things divine, the soul has to learn the last lesson of all, and become disillusioned with herself. She has been tempted to think that Christ had failed her; now she has to learn that it is she who, all along, in spite of her childlike love, has been failing Christ: and this is at once the real essence and object of purgation. She begins to learn … her amazing self-centeredness and complacency. She begins to see … that she has sought to possess, not to be possessed. She sees for the first time that there is no good in herself apart from Christ; that He must be all, and she nothing.

Mr. Benson points out the benefits of going through these classical steps of purgation, a tearing down of what we believe in, but he notes that all is not despair, because now the stage is set for a building up, an illumination of a better way of believing, a closer friendship than any we have ever known. But he also points out a grave risk at this point, that the soul having seen itself clearly may despair. There are dangers of false humility. Depart from me, for I am a sinful man. But Christ purges His friends of all that is not Him … in order that He may be wholly theirs.

A growth in holiness starts with an initial friendship with God, and then inevitably comes the purgation and pain, and many fall away from Him, to their great loss. They can’t give up the pleasures they covet for themselves in this world. They had the opportunity to not just find a friendship for life, but a friendship for eternity, and they failed. But that doesn’t have to be us, my friends; a friendship with God is no ordinary friendship; it requires the deep commitment of our lives.

We can make that commitment. Explaining how we do that is described in The Illuminative Way, the next chapter in Mr. Benson’s book. But I’ll stop here, for now. There is much here to think about. Where are we at in our walk with God? Are we still at that initial step? Have we begun to become disillusioned? Are we stuck on a step? But, these are just steps; if we persevere and walk these steps, there are new heights at the top of the staircase, heights we can’t even begin to imagine.

It’s always easier walking down a staircase; we don’t have to exercise our heart as much. Where is your heart?

Friday, February 25, 2011

My Other Self

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter: he that has found one has found a treasure. There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend, and no scales can measure his excellence. A faithful friend is an elixir of life; and those who fear the Lord will find him.
Sirach 6: 14-16

That first reading this morning reminded me about a faithful friend I have. What a friend I have in Jesus! It also reminded me of my favorite book, which has only recently come again into print. I have given away more copies of this book to friends, enemies, Christians and atheists than any other book. And I have never had anyone tell me it was useless.

The book, My Other Self, by Clarence J. Enzler has been around since 1957, but I first read it about 20 years ago. Now published by Ave Maria Press, it has recommendations by Cardinal Donald W. Wuerl, Timothy Shriver, and Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, with a Foreward by Fr. Benedict Groeschel. I’m happy the book is back in print, but bothered a bit because the endorsers proclaim what a great “Catholic” book this is. Some of the highest recommendations I have received on this book have been from my non-Catholic friends. Nonetheless, let me make a few comments on this book.

The book is written in the writing mode Thomas a’Kempis used in his great book, My Imitation of Christ. The book is written as if Jesus were speaking to you, the reader. Throughout, the words are soft and loving, as a friend, gently explaining things to you, and constantly re-affirming how much they love you and wishing only for your well-being. Let me teach you, in my own way, the ABCs of sanctity, he says. You will put on my virtues. Identified with me, you will be my other self.

The book’s chapters are grouped into three areas: The Call, The Means, and The End. Within The Means are chapters on Detachment, Virtue, Prayer, Avoidance of Sin, and The Mass and The Eucharist. I particularly liked the chapter titled Avoidance of Sin, since it is largely a walk through the events of the Passion on Holy Thursday and Good Friday. It is excellent for Lenten meditation.

Jesus shows us, in the chapter, the horrible details of His suffering, like the movie called The Passion of Christ but almost more horribly so, since you don’t see the pains of Jesus, but He describes them in vivid detail, especially the emotional pains. I cry every time I read it. And at the end, He describes how it was all worth it, because He did it for us. Though my soul was sorrowful beyond measure, even to the extent of asking My Father to let this chalice pass from Me, yet I had one sweet consolation: the thought of My Mother, the saints, and you. You would understand me; you would be loyal to me; you would love me so much the more because these others hated me. … Thus, my other self, I was consoled. Knowing this, can you fail me? Can you ever, with full deliberation, sin again?

I don’t play “Bible Bingo,” where you ask God what He desires and then open the Bible and point. He blessed Augustine that way, and I know of others who God has spoken to in this manner. But God doesn’t work for me such that He is at my beck and call. However, most of my friends and I have found that at almost any time, you can pick up My Other Self and open to a chapter at random, and find words there that will give you peace. Despite all my reading, I know of few books which can do this, offer you a peace in each and every chapter. The chapters are further sectioned into thought segments of four or five pages each, and make for quick reading, yet they almost always compel you to stop and think.

At Christmas, I give book gifts to my friends, trying to match the best of what I read to the people I give to. My Other Self belongs on everyone’s gift list, for themselves. I have reviewed many books in the past, and I will probably review many more in the future. Yet I can’t imagine recommending one more than this. In this book you will find a friend, and he that has found one has found a treasure.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Where Is God?

Men and women are rising up throughout the world; peace seems to elude everyone. And while an unease and fear casts an air of dread over many, some wise men are asking: Where is God in all this? Where is God?

Today listen to the voice of the Lord. I began my prayers this morning with those words from Psalm 95, and reflected again on their meaning. I used to think it meant to search for the voice of the Lord, to listen and see if He is calling me now. Maybe He was, but maybe he was not. I tried to humbly accept that perhaps I was not his Number One disciple, and perhaps He was not calling me right now; He had others and more important work to tend to, and so I would be content to wait. But then I saw the words of my prayer again. It says to listen to the voice of the Lord, not for His voice. The prayer is saying that He always is speaking to me, always, so listen to Him. So it is not a matter of waiting until He speaks to me; He always is speaking to me, in some way, for some purpose. And I should listen.

God calls to us in the now moment. We needn’t worry about the past or fret about the future; the now moment is the time we are living in, and He calls to us. The classic book Abandonment to Divine Providence, by Jean-Pierre de Caussade, says to “leave everything else to God, except for your love and obedience to the duties of the present moment.” He notes that “we must cherish it ceaselessly and always be ready to obey its promptings,” which come from all around us. So often we think of our relationship with God as a thing between Him and us uniquely, but He works through others also. So our job, our family, our praying in church, these are all things to focus on and try to do well, if that is where we are at this moment. We don’t have to go on crusades looking for God; He will find us in our everyday lives. And he will call to us, and be with us.

At the Catholic mass since the earliest days, the priest says: Dominus vobiscum --- The Lord be with you. And the people respond: Et cum spiritu tuo --- and with your spirit. We pray that the Lord’s spirit be with the priest as He offers mass, that the priest might truly put on the person of Christ, and He might be present with us as we offer the sacrifice to the Father. This uniting of Christ to us in the action of the priest is what we all pray for at the mass. Our daily prayers should also be that we may be working with God in our actions, doing His will.

Sometimes in our desires to work with God we get confused; this has happened often to people of any faith. Some go to the extreme of expecting God to do everything: this is called providentialism, where people trust God to solve all their problems. On the opposite extreme, Pelagianism taught that God gave people talents and a will, and expects them to be His hands, in everything. On one extreme, God works alone, and on the other, we work alone. But the Catholic Church, and indeed many other religions, teach that we work together, like friends. Jesus said “my yoke is light”. A yoke connects two oxen; they pull together. The challenge of all men of faith consists in getting the right balance between God and us in sharing the burdens of this life.

Where is God? In all our trials He is right next to us. Don’t pray to Him in some far off place and ask Him to act, and don’t jump to the fore and try and fix everything yourself, your way. Instead, ask Him how you should go, together. I wrote recently of a test of your actions and motives: are you primarily thinking about bettering or changing things for yourself? If you answer ‘yes,’ then I believe you should stop and pray. Talk to this God who is near you. Is this the way you, AND HE, should be going? Although He loves you, I suspect few of His intentions are for you and you alone. He loves all men.

I pray God is next to men and women who are rising up around the world. I fear that perhaps many are trusting that He will make good out of all this, and they are quiet. I fear that perhaps many are trusting that they --- and they alone --- know His will, and will do as they please to make things right for themselves. But if He is with them, I trust that they will take actions for the ultimate greater glory of God, and for the love of their neighbor first, and not for themselves.

I have faith. I will not be anxious.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Obedience

It’s been a long road for me to find a spiritual advisor. It’s been suggested to me a number of times, but no one seemed right. One priest suggested to me that when the right one comes along, I will know it. Honestly, I was not even remotely thinking about that subject as I walked up to receive communion a few weeks back, but suddenly I found myself thinking a question: “Is this the one?” After the question, quickly came thoughts of those recommendations for an advisor. So a few days later I asked the priest if he would consider it; we haven’t met as yet, and I am still in a bit of trepidation: Just how do you know if this is right, or meant to be? Oh well, I hear your answer you’re thinking: read your blog title, stupid. Okay, I get it.

In preparing for an upcoming meeting with him, I re-read a book by Thomas D. Williams titled: Spiritual Progress. I probably mentioned it here at one time or another; it is a very good book. He has a section at the end on how to work with a spiritual advisor, and I particularly liked the part where he spoke about advice I might receive. “Even when the director’s advice may not bear the seal of brilliance, we do well to follow it. … This reflects Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s saying that in obedience we are infallible:

The good God has given you His work. He wants you to do His work in His way. Failure or success means nothing to Him, as long as you do His work according to His plan and His will. You are infallible when you obey. The devil tries his best to spoil the work of God and as he cannot do it directly to Him, he makes us do God’s work in our way, and this is where the devil gains and we lose.
(Letter of 20 September 1959)

I wrote this last Sunday about the sin of Adam and Eve, Cain, and Satan: “I will not obey!” It’s the root of all sin, as I was reminded in confession this morning. Only when I/we sin, we don’t view ourselves as standing up to God and challenging Him and refusing to obey. Oh no, we view ourselves as “explaining” things to Him. “Well, this really isn’t a serious sin, you see God, because I couldn’t really help myself”, or, “this was not as bad as some other sins that people do,” or, “I’m just such a weak person, (You know that) that I couldn’t stop myself.” Or my favorite: “SHE made me do it.” (Adam was not only the first man, he created the first man-blaming-the-woman excuse.) So, we don’t usually stand up to God and say we will not obey Him, we say that we’re trying to obey Him, but “Well, God, You know there are these circumstances, and uh, …… well, it’s not my fault!”

When we can look at ourselves honestly that way, it is to see the image of God as our Father. So often, he must see us as just whiney kids. But He’s a good Father, and good fathers don’t let their kids get away with excuses. If the child will accept no other reason, and if he chooses to not understand, then the loving father explains the rules in simpler terms for him: “Because I said so!!” And with this comes the unsaid words: Will you obey me, or not?

I sometimes wrestle with my actions and their seriousness. Is this little failing really a big sin? Doesn’t everyone fail this way sometimes? God reads my heart, and He knows I mean well. They are all excuses I give myself, and since He knows my thoughts, I am giving them to Him as well. And sometimes I fool myself into thinking something is really no big deal. Often I use my knowledge as a tool to justify my weakness; I think most dissenters from Church moral teachings were intelligent people who confused their knowledge with wisdom. All Wisdom is in God, not us, but sometimes we let ourselves be confused, because it justifies something we want. And we all want sin; for all of us it is a natural thing to want. And to not sin is to obey the will and commands of God ---- even if in our “knowledge” we don’t understand the reason for His will or commands. Sin starts when we choose to disobey. From there, it’s all downhill.

If you want to be a member of God’s army, first and foremost, learn to obey. Seek His Wisdom, seek His will, and follow it. All of God’s commandments are reining in our inclinations to do things our way, to do them for ourselves only. The commandments put a priority on God and our neighbor, not on us. We don’t need any commandments to look out for number one ---- we just need them to help us decide who Number One is.

And, my wonderful friends, despite how beautiful and handsome we may look in the mirror, we ain’t Him.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

What Do You Want?

I was reading the latest book by Anne, a lay apostle, titled: Lessons in Love (it was a wonderful Christmas gift to me, from wonderful friends). I liked some of the lessons in the book, said to be from Jesus, and the simple way things were explained.

In talking about entering heaven through the “narrow door,” Anne said: “I think that means that we cannot get through it if we are carrying too much of our own stuff. I believe that things like attachments to the opinions of others, addictions, materialism, pride, greed, anger, holding on to hurts … carrying things like these add weight and girth to us.” How simply put! The door to heaven isn’t too narrow or restrictive; we are too fat if we carry all those earthly attachments!

In talking about a time of purification, a time He says the world is now undergoing, Jesus tells Anne that it is like a doctor doing surgery on a sick person. Afterwards there is pain for a while, but then they are restored to purity and joy. Jesus describes Himself as the doctor, and we, the world, as a seriously ill person, but only the doctor understands how ill. Only he can see inside us, and the need for surgery. So we needn’t worry about the pains we feel now, or those to come … He’s an excellent doctor!

At this point in the book, Jesus tells Anne: “Ask me more questions.” And somehow my mind wandered at that, and I found myself asking those who appeared to be troubled in these days, those who are rising up in cities around the world: “What do you want?” If you were asking Jesus, our God, what would you ask Him?

Since I am a man of the world, like those rising up, I thought I knew the answer to that question, but as I considered the things I knew, I found I could not reach a firm conclusion, a definitive answer to what people are rising up about today. In some way, that bothered me. Is this unrest like a patient coughing, making noise and upset, but not really sure what is wrong with him? Are we like the story Jesus told, about Him being the doctor and the world being ill? What is this noise we are making; do we know what we want?

There are some who say people are rising up for “freedom”, but I don’t think that is the answer.

I read a great book by Richard Spinello titled: The Genius of John Paul II --- The Great Pope’s Moral Wisdom (I gave many away at Christmas). One of the things he wrote which sticks with me is that we are often confused when we say that something is “good.” He notes: “There are two types of human goods: (i)instrumental or useful goods (such as a hammer), not valued in themselves but valued for their utility in achieving some end, and (ii)intrinsic goods, that is goods that are inherently valuable for any human person.” JPII notes that: “Freedom is not an intrinsic human good, rather it is an instrumental one.” It is a tool by which we can do good, he says. So saying that some who protest today are wishing for freedom is like saying they are wishing for a hammer --- but what will they do with it? Do they know? Do they really know? Perhaps that is why some fear these marches and uprisings: perhaps the newfound freedom will be used for bad things, and not good.

Unlike much of the world, where people are rising up for change, here in the United States people are marching in the streets to stop change. Unions and others want things as they are. They too are shouting that what they want is freedom, a freedom to let things be. All of these uprisings seem to be about freedom, democracy, and the will of the people, but again I would ask them: “What do you want? Do you know?”

What do you want? I don’t know your answer to that question, but if you are a Christian I know what your answer should be; you’ve probably heard it preached hundreds of times: You should want the will of God. Jesus said it dozens of ways, but most directly as “Not My will but Thy will be done.” The popes, the saints, and even Christian music proclaims: “Put on Jesus Christ!” Paul, the apostle, in one of my favorite lines says he wishes to proclaim that: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ Who lives in me.” Following the example of Jesus Christ is what we as Christians should want first and foremost. “What do you want?” You should want what God wants. So if you are protesting for freedom; if you want “change,” then I’d ask you to be honest about why you want these tools: What is the good that you want with this change, with this freedom? If your honest answer is that you want things for yourself, things that you say you “deserve,” then I would ask you to answer honestly one more question: In this world today, what do you think God would want?

Some in their anxiety are saying that perhaps this IS a time of purification for the world, as Jesus said to Anne. For the past fifty years, many seers and mystics have been saying that a purification is coming. Perhaps this is that time; I don’t know. But if the focus of most human desires in this world is indeed what we want for ourselves, then perhaps we do need to be purified of these desires. Throughout all of Christian history, holiness has been defined as a growing closer to God. The first step to that, I believe, is to stop wanting to be more like a god ourselves. We can’t put on Him until we let go of ourselves and our desires for earthly things. We can’t get through that narrow door of heaven holding onto all the things “we want.”

The sin of Adam and Eve, of Cain, and of the angels in heaven: what is this sin that they all committed? It is the same sin any child commits against his father: thinking he knows more that his father; pride: that egoism run amok: “I know more than you; you don’t understand! I will not obey!” Every parent has heard those words, and so has God. Perhaps He hears it loudly today.

I suspect that some who are rising up today would claim that is a bad analogy for their actions. “But I have been wronged! Evil is being done to me! Should I not want this to end (even if this does happen to result in getting something for myself)? That can’t be wrong, can it?” I don’t have an answer for that question; every man must answer it for himself. However I did hear something about the matter in the Gospel today. Did you?

You have heard it said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.
MT 5:38-48

It sounds to me like He is saying is that we should want the will of the Father, not our will. And what is the will of the Father? It mentions it: Love God and your neighbor, even if he persecutes you. If those rising up for “change” are only seeking to change who gets their way, or who gets the most of things in this world, and does not prioritize what God wants and his neighbor needs; if the “change” coming is just another form of greed in this world, if that is the change people are clamoring for, then perhaps a purification IS indeed needed. Our minds and our hearts have forgotten why we exist. We don’t exist just for ourselves, and what we want. Our neighbor is here too.

There is one final point, an important point to be made in the Gospel today. Look at who Jesus is speaking to: YOU love your enemies; YOU pray for those who persecute you, that YOU may be children of your heavenly Father. Your state or your country doesn’t love anyone; it doesn’t pray for anyone; and it definitely is not a child of our heavenly Father. YOU are called to do and be those things: YOU. So even if you believe that all your political motives are pure, and you have no need of a purification, I’d ask you to read the Gospel again: No matter how efficiently it does things, the state can never love anyone or pray for anyone, only you can.

What do you want? Do your motives need purifying? Only you can answer that question. Can you be honest?

And as for me and others who may be anxious about your answer and the answers of others seeking change, I guess we’ll re-read the title to this blog, Do Not Be Anxious, or perhaps listen to the words spoken to Anne again: out of all these things, there will be purity and joy. Walking with God, I look forward to the future He promises us.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Kill All Sinners

I write today about a different anxiety than I have in the past. Today in the world there is much anxiety; people are in the streets, protesting. Although that causes anxiety in some, --- this change being called for, this unknown future, I think that people standing up for what they believe in their hearts is a most wonderful thing. For far too long, most people have been content to let others lead them and form their minds. They have let others tell them what is right and what is wrong, and now their hearts tell them that their earthly teachers are in error; they have begun to listen to a higher Teacher. For many, it has been a long time, and His voice may seem strange to them, but they hear it and feel compelled to act. This is a good thing. I write today because I know that some still harbor fears over those who would act from their hearts --- will they deny one earthly teacher, only to choose another? Will they stop one wrong, only to start another?

I think the answer to that question, and what might calm our anxieties lies in part in how people in the world are going about making the changes they know must be made. If they resort to violence to reject those who did violence, has anything changed? If they change one government which punished those who disagreed with it with another which does the same, has anything changed? If they think that they, and they alone know the truth and right, and must punish all who disagree, has anything changed? If they seek to stop one murder, and then they commit another, has anything changed? And if nothing changes for all their efforts, are they really listening to a higher Teacher who stirred their hearts, or an earthly teacher who says: “Do what I say, or take power so you can force others to do what you say.”

I believe all men have a right “to say,” for all men were created by this higher Teacher, who even now calls to many men. I pray they listen.

I would ask that you who have been taught that God calls you to kill all sinners to open your eyes and your hearts, and to see and hear what He calls today, and not what you have been taught or come to believe. God still acts in this world today, and He still calls and teaches His children, even you. All I ask is that you look at His actions --- surely you can see His actions in the world, and then really listen, TRY to listen, to what He calls you to do. For all you have been taught thus far, for all you think you know, this is not all there is to learn in this world. God still teaches you, all your life. He does not forget you, ever. He is the image of a loving Father, one who always loves His child, you.

I believe the God of all creation, the Master of the Universe, is a good God. If He were not so, I would want nothing to do with Him, and I certainly would not choose to serve Him. In His goodness I believe He is just, and rewards those who please Him and punishes those who don’t, and His punishment is an eternal death away from Him. While a man lives on this earth, however, is a time when he learns to please God, or not, and no other man has a right to say of another man’s child: “That one is too stupid --- he will never learn; I can’t wait for God to punish; I must punish him now.” No man has a right to kill another man’s child, who is trying to learn right from wrong. And for all of a man’s life, whether he knows it or not, he is trying to learn what is right. No man ever stops learning, or is beyond hope of learning.

I believe this good God created man for good, but man, in his ignorance, sometimes chooses bad. At that point God does not punish man, but like a loving Father to His child, He teaches him. That’s why God sent the prophets, to teach us. If God were to punish any man who sins, then all men would be dead now, for all men at some time or another sin. Is that not so? Did you not at some point do or desire some evil? God knew that ---- why did He not kill you? I believe He did not kill you --- or me --- so that we could live and He could teach us to be good, and we could teach others. Why would He want a bunch of dead men? He wants live men, who choose to love and praise Him. They then teach others by their words and example.

So why then do some men say they must kill others who sin? Some call these sinners infidels for not believing the truth, but did not every man or child at some point not believe, until he was taught the truth? And if the child did not understand the truth, did not the father teach him over and over again? Do you not do that with your own children? If your child disobeyed you once, would you want another man to come into your home and kill him? If this were true, I would not think you were a good parent, nor do I think a God who would will this to be a good God. So I do not believe that is how He would act, nor wish us to act.

So why would any man who loves and serves this good God choose to kill sinners? I confess, I don’t understand, and I have read many holy books, of saints and prophets, and even of sinners. If God allowed man, through his parents, his ministers, or through his friends, to be taught over and over again about God, so that man could come to believe the truth, why would a man ever say that: “That man has been taught enough; he will never learn. He still sins; I must kill him.” How can a man say that? How dare a man say: “God may still wish to teach him, but I say: no! Enough!” How dare a man kill a sinner who may come to praise God in the future? How dare any man stop another who may come to praise God? How dare any man say he knows more than God, and is more just than God?

How dare any man?

I don’t understand.

I myself will not presume to punish for God any man who God Himself does not punish. Perhaps some day that man may be God’s best friend, perhaps even closer to Him than I am.

Only God knows.

Meanwhile I pray for all those people whose hearts are stirred to action in these days. May they indeed be following the thoughts instilled in their souls at their creation, thoughts of the goodness of their Creator. May they act as He would. May they act with goodness and love of their neighbor, and not just out of concern for themselves. If they create a new order, may it be a just one, as God would have it, not as some other man would have it. May they treat their neighbor as their children, as fairly as they would treat their own, even as God treats us. And if my prayers are answered, we will have nothing to worry about for all this change and chaos in the world today.

And my prayers are always answered. This I believe.

God, our Creator, how wonderfully you made man. You transformed dust into your own image, and gave it a share in your own nature; yet you are more wonderful in pardoning the man who had rebelled against you. Grant that where sin has abounded, grace may more abound, so that we can become holier through forgiveness and be more grateful to you.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Employee of the Year

My niece informed me that she has been selected as employee of the year by the city in which she works. I asked her if that means she will get a bonus, free use of a car, and perhaps a larger office. She laughed in her response: no, those days are long gone. She’ll receive perhaps a plaque and the cheers of her staff. And she will be very happy with that.

Sic transit Gloria mundi.

I wonder how many hours she put in, how many lonely Saturdays, to earn that reward. I know the feeling. When you have certain talents, whatever they may be, when you find your real earthly talents, you feel drawn to use them, even if you secretly wish you had other talents. Some might look at dedication and say it is a bad thing: what about time for your family? What about time for your friends? What about time for your God? I disagree with those who would be critical: What about the parable of the talents?

We are all given talents, totally unique to us, some with bigger talents with which we can help many people, and some with smaller talents --- who are lucky to be able to help themselves. But all must seek to discern their earthly talents, and to use them as much and as wisely as possible, for they were a gift from God, and it pleases Him that we use fully His gifts.

Yes, there is a danger that we focus too much on these talents, for He has given us other gifts also: family, friends, and His only Son. (I know only too well the importance of balance.) These other gifts too require thanks, and to be utilized by us, for our salvation and His greater glory. All these gifts from God are important, but if I had to pick one, I think I would pick use of your talents as most important.

God made each of us special, for a reason. If we all were only parents, as a queen bee with thousands of children, or if we all gave praise to God by our existence, as a flower of the field does, --- or even a rock; if we were all the same as this, and did everything the same, how would that glorify God? What would this painting of his creation look like, if we all were the same? It would be like a totally grey portrait, with no detail, nothing to focus on, telling no story to the viewer --- and showing no love of the Artist.

There are some who would say we should focus our talents on serving God, and that is true, but we serve Him in the circumstances of our life, our unique circumstances. We cannot all be as saints, nor should we try to imitate their ways, if theirs are not meant to be our ways. Even popes have had to learn this lesson!!

I used to call to mind the image of some saint whom I had set myself to imitate down to the smallest particular, as a painter makes an exact copy of a picture. This method was wrong. From the saints I must take the substance, not the accidents, of their virtues. I am not (a particular saint), nor must I seek holiness in his particular way, but according to the requirements of my own nature, my own character, and the different conditions of my life. God desires us to follow the examples of the saints by absorbing the vital sap of their virtues and turning it into our own life-blood, adapting it to our own individual capacities and particular circumstances.
Journal of a Soul --- The Autobiography of Pope John XXIII (P107)

I think finding out our talents, why He made us, and being who He made us to be, is one of the most important things we can do in our life. In doing that we are living witnesses to what he has done for us --- so all can see and give Him praise, as we should.

Using our talents to the utmost often is not easy. Often it is very hard work, but it’s easier if we remember that in our hardest labors, we don’t work alone: He said that “My yoke is light.” And perhaps most of us will never see any earthly rewards for our hard labors ---- not even a plaque. But if we find our talents, we must use them, becoming perfect in performance as much as possible, even as a servant seeks to perfectly please his master.

And we don’t have to fear about those other gifts, nor short-changing their importance, for even the servant goes home, has a family, and gives thanks to God for all His blessings, for each and every one of them. I see in my niece’s actions that she does just that.

I am so proud of her.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The End Times

This morning I had a long discussion with a dear friend of mine, one who I respect in many ways, and one with great intelligence (probably even more than mine --- I know that’s hard to believe, but I think it really is so). She had seen a presentation on the End Times, a “prophet” proclaimed that is was likely upon us, and what we must do: Buy Gold! Well, there was more to it than that, she said, and it had left her worried.

Certainly these are trying times for our country and for the world. Mostly, however, the trying times are defined in terms of financial problems, but you and I know that IF these are indeed unusually trying times, there are probably worse things going on for mankind than its loss of money. There is a large spiritual loss. We are said to be in a post-Christian era by many, and some believe it is a furthering of the Age of Enlightenment. And this is where I led our conversations this morning.

Simply put, the Age of Enlightenment began a couple of hundred years ago when some philosophers noted that we were at the end of the long era of Christian leaders of the Roman Empire, and now were at an era of independent nation states. The Christian leaders, following “a god” hadn’t advanced the good of mankind much, they believed, and nation states didn’t appear to be doing much better. There were some “haves” and many “have-nots”, and this was not a good thing, they believed. So what to do? Their answer was to point out that God hadn’t helped man much, so man must help himself, and in this Age of Enlightenment and science, man was better equipped than ever to do just this, help himself. It was proposed that the best and the brightest of men should lead the world to a better place for all mankind, and the world should follow their leadership, even if it had to be done by force --- after all, it was for their own good. Some pointed to using a “planned evolution” of man, breeding the best and brightest --- and eliminating the rest. For many, this made sense; for many today, it still does. But this “a leader who knows best” philosophy has since been tried out in Russia, Germany, and many lesser states: and it always failed. It was started there by people of those countries who didn’t know what to do with a government heavily in debt, high unemployment, and high inflation --- it was started by a scared people, but their situation was similar to ours today.

I initially joined in with my friends worries this morning, as I pointed out that recently, perhaps we were only a signature away from such a state here in this country. A Congress united behind a president could have declared a national emergency and suspended elections, setting up an “emergency” dictatorship. It had happened in other countries, why not here? My friend initially sunk lower on this statement, and asked “So what can we do?” She was thinking back on the “prophet’s” calling, about how to protect monies, save her house, and protect her job, but I helped turn her thoughts with a single question: Why? Why focus on saving all these things if the “worst” really was happening? If unemployment were to jump to 50%, the dollar turned to toilet paper, and inflation was 100%, what is the point of ensuring that while 90% of the country suffered, you wouldn’t. “You would profit by the coming disaster,” as the advertisements state. Why? Would you want to be in that elite 10% with money, protected by guards from your starving neighbors? Is that what you’d really want? Not if you were truly a Christian.

My friend truly is a Christian, a deeply committed one. I think that troubled her even more, realizing what she was worrying about. To calm her fears about a potential “end times” I told my friend my some thoughts on what might happen here, should a dictatorship be declared to minimize a financial chaos, as I postulated. I would expect an “Egypt moment” to then occur here, where the conservative people here would rise up against Washington, and eventually the conservative military also, if necessary. I don’t think a dictatorship would survive long here in America, even if the majority of the “enlightened” people wanted one. Perhaps this last election was the start of such an uprising, and staved off such a fate. But it is irrelevant to me whether this potentially bad thing happened, or that maybe a good thing helped offset it, none of those bad and good things matter. I have faith, and holding on to that faith is more important than holding on to any money.

My faith says God will make good out of even the worst of things. His Son died, and that turned out to be a good thing. And even in dying, His Son had faith. Isn’t that the example He set for us? Now such a faith isn’t setting back in your chair, looking heavenward and saying: “Well God, here I am. Fix everything.” That is not faith. Faith is believing that God created you, He loves you, and He will permit nothing but the best for you --- even if that means dying, as His Son did. Faith means taking all the talents we have, our circumstances in life, and His graces and using them to do the best we can toward doing His will, toward achieving His plans, which are for the best good. Faith is going forward, even if the worst is happening, and even if we pray, we pray most fervently, that this trial should end --- and it doesn’t. Faith still believes that this is for a good.

Perhaps a financial crisis is inevitable for this country; perhaps a weak, worried-about-votes Congress won’t take any meaningful action to avoid it. Even so, perhaps this is a good thing. Perhaps this will cause a reversal of the “Enlightenment,” and man will again realize that God is in control of his fate, not man himself. Perhaps it will help men learn again to take care of their neighbor, when the government can’t. Perhaps all these would be good things. Perhaps.

But these are all “perhaps” thoughts. If “only the Father knows the hour” of the end times, why should I be worried by those who proclaim it is now? Why should I be worried about any outcome? If I lost everything financial, every asset I had and stood in bread lines or rummaged through trash cans for food, as a Christian, is that really the “end” for me? No, the end for me is if I lose faith, a trust in God that He will take care of me, no matter what. No, the end for me is if I can’t read those four words at the top of this blog and take them to heart. The end for me is if I truly believe only I can save myself. Then I am doomed, no matter what I do.

Perchance I was reading a little booklet I always carry with me this morning --- although you and I know nothing is really by chance. The booklet is called “You Are Not Alone --- Prayers in Dark Times.” I buy this booklet by lots of 50; it only costs about $3. When I come across people with deep worry or sadness, often over the loss of a loved one or the finding of serious illness, I give them a copy. Many have told me it gave them great peace. I read two of the pieces in that booklet this morning, and they seemed to apply to my later conversation --- and perhaps that is why I had read them. Perhaps. ;-)

“Nothing is Merely An Accident”

I have an ever deeper and firmer belief
that nothing is merely an accident
when seen in the light of God ---
that my whole life,
down to the smallest details,
has been marked out for me
in the plan of Divine Providence
and has a completely coherent meaning
in God’s all-seeing eyes.

---- St. Edith Stein

A Prayer Against Fear

Holy Spirit, Spirit of courage, I need Your gift urgently and now. I am afraid. I feel very vulnerable and in danger. Sometimes my fears well up from my own insecure soul, but sometimes they come from real dangers and threats to my well-being or even more to the well-being of those I love and care for. Give me the wisdom to realize that some of my fears are unreal shadows of my own mind. But some of my fears are real, representing real dangers and threats. More often fear that should be a warning sign calling to caution and prudence becomes a danger in itself. Let me not give in to fear that leads to panic and causes me to lose my good judgment.

Keep me, Holy Spirit, from the swamp of fear and then be with me when the cause of fear is all too real. Let me recall always that the Lord goes with me through the valley of the shadow of death. Reveal Your Presence to me, even in the specter of real danger, even to life. Let me know that Jesus is there on the other side. Remind me that the martyrs passed from their terrifying experience into the everlasting brightness of Christ’s eternal glory. Help me in my fear to always know that He is with me.
Amen.

---- Fr. Benedict Groeschel

Saturday, February 12, 2011

How Good You Are

Lately it seems I’ve been reading a lot of articles advising or reflecting on how you can be better in your relationships with other people. Certainly we, as Christians, know that Jesus is our optimum model on how we should treat others; Scripture gives us words describing how we should love one another. We’ve talked about those things here, too. These articles, however, put a lot of focus on what you are doing wrong, and why that is soooo bad, and how you MUST correct that behavior. I think perhaps, however, many of the articles are too one-sided in their approach to viewing our behavior, and we may sometimes be reading them with a negative bias toward ourselves, because they sometimes cause us to get too down on ourselves. Remember, all God created was good, and that includes us. We so often forget that. It is easy to look at our negatives, and so many people (and articles) are willing to remind us of them, but it is not as easy to look at our positives.

Those articles I wrote of point to our bad behaviors and the bad results which follow --- and these are certainly worth examining in our efforts to improve ourselves, but this focus can too easily lead us into falsely judging ourselves and equating some bad things we may do with a totally bad person, and that is a false conclusion, for we do good things too. And we often not only forget about those good actions, but we also most often do not see the results of our good actions. Most often, no one reminds us of them; they are just expected, but rarely appreciated.

You see this every day when your spouse criticizes the late breakfast, your child complains you didn’t wash his favorite shirt, or your boss complains about the late assignment or the error in your work. They don’t remember or credit the great meals over the last year, or the washing, ironing and folding even of their socks, nor the outstanding performance review they gave you last year. They often exhibit a “what have you done for me lately” attitude. And so often we take their criticisms to heart, and we too forget all we have done well in the past. Oh, I’m not saying we should take these good things and throw it up to them and cause a big fight, oh no, no, that wouldn’t be right. Being made aware of our faults is a good thing, or else we might not have a basis for improvement, but we should take any faults we become aware of as just that: a basis for improvement, not a pointing out of how evil we are. Knowing our faults is a good thing. I once read that the world is better place because of the presence of evil, because it causes even more good to occur. But knowing our goodness, and being thankful for it, is also a good thing.

I recently read a study on elderly people with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease; they have a tendency toward depression. I think perhaps all older people do, especially those who live alone. They feel unloved, and that is a lonely feeling that goes to the core of your self-worth. The study showed that someone just being with these people, in the nursing homes, the care centers, or the hospitals, lifts their spirits in a way that no words or drugs can do. Another human presence focused on them, perhaps just holding their hand, listening to soft music with them, or listening to them talk --- about anything, gives them a peace of soul. The people who visit do a great good for these elderly people, yet they aren’t really doing much except being there. How many people do we impact in that way, in ways in which we are never aware, just because we are in their lives? We so often do good for others, and we never know it.

Recently we celebrated the anniversary of the miracle at Lourdes, France. What impact do you think the young girl, Bernadette, thought she might be having on others, as she knelt in prayer? What impact do you think the waiters at Cana felt as they heeded Mary’s words: “Do whatever He tells you.”? These people have had a huge impact on the world --- could they ever have guessed? In Physics, String Theory says that everything in the universe impacts everything else --- it cannot be avoided; all are connected like strands on a spider’s web.

All the good we do matters; it is felt somewhere.

Last month I read the newsletter of a very small organization which is focused on saving babies, one at a time helping women to turn away from the abortion clinic. One of the members reflected in the newsletter how the numbers saved had gone down in recent weeks, and he was considering new ways of becoming more effective. His failures so hurt him; he wanted no child to be killed. He reflected how lonely his work was, and how few seemed to care. Unintentionally, he was focusing on his failures, and only counting the good results he could see. He saw some simple scorecard, and he was the one tallying the results; he was judging himself. He forgot, however, who the ultimate Judge is.

This week I went into my local Verizon store, and I came out of the stone age. I moved from dial-up access to the internet to a wireless access. I needed the more costly service, as a friend rightly pointed out to me, to continue some of the good works I was doing. At the store as the young lady began the process of registering me, she asked me what I did for a living. I told her I was retired, but active in a number of charities and was also trying to pull a book together, a book about some of the wonderful people who were answering God’s call, and making a major difference in the lives of others. She typed for a few minutes and then asked: “Is it too late to add more stories to the book?” I said no, more could be added. She then proceeded to tell me about this wonderful organization to which her friend belonged which was saving babies from abortion. She said it so inspired her that she worked to provide them with donations for the mothers and babies, and also she started donating time at a soup kitchen. The organization she referred to is the one which sent me the newsletter; that man is already writing his story for me.

It’s wonderful how God works sometimes, isn’t it? I wrote a note to the man and told him the story of the woman I had “by chance” met. She saw the work of his small organization and she was inspired to help not only his work, but others. She wasn’t in this man’s tally of women helped or babies saved, yet perhaps she was a bigger tally of good than any of those --- and up until now, he did not even know she existed, much less that he was the cause of her good works.

Like a spider’s web, He has created all things beautifully.

I hope my note cheered him. We all try to do our best, but so often we are our own worst judge --- we can never do enough, or well enough. But we are judging ourselves falsely, because we will never know all the good that we do, and perhaps even if we did, we would treat it too lightly. Our good far outweighs our bad in importance. That’s why we are challenged to grow in holiness all our lives, to focus on the good things; our challenge is not to become less evil. We are called to imitate Jesus; if we look at our sins or failures it should only be for the purpose of helping us do more good the next time, not for weighing our evils. Only the good in us and by us matters, and it matters eternally.

You will never understand in this life just how good you are. Only God knows, .... and He loves you.

How Good You Are

Lately it seems I’ve been reading a lot of articles advising or reflecting on how you can be better in your relationships with other people. Certainly we, as Christians, know that Jesus is our optimum model on how we should treat others; Scripture gives us words describing how we should love one another. We’ve talked about those things here, too. These articles, however, put a lot of focus on what you are doing wrong, and why that is soooo bad, and how you MUST correct that behavior. I think perhaps, however, many of the articles are too one-sided in their approach to viewing our behavior, and we may sometimes be reading them with a negative bias toward ourselves, because they sometimes cause us to get too down on ourselves. Remember, all God created was good, and that includes us. We so often forget that. It is easy to look at our negatives, and so many people (and articles) are willing to remind us of them, but it is not as easy to look at our positives.

Those articles I wrote of point to our bad behaviors and the bad results which follow --- and these are certainly worth examining in our efforts to improve ourselves, but this focus can too easily lead us into falsely judging ourselves and equating some bad things we may do with a totally bad person, and that is a false conclusion, for we do good things too. And we often not only forget about those good actions, but we also most often do not see the results of our good actions. Most often, no one reminds us of them; they are just expected, but rarely appreciated.

You see this every day when your spouse criticizes the late breakfast, your child complains you didn’t wash his favorite shirt, or your boss complains about the late assignment or the error in your work. They don’t remember or credit the great meals over the last year, or the washing, ironing and folding even of their socks, nor the outstanding performance review they gave you last year. They often exhibit a “what have you done for me lately” attitude. And so often we take their criticisms to heart, and we too forget all we have done well in the past. Oh, I’m not saying we should take these good things and throw it up to them and cause a big fight, oh no, no, that wouldn’t be right. Being made aware of our faults is a good thing, or else we might not have a basis for improvement, but we should take any faults we become aware of as just that: a basis for improvement, not a pointing out of how evil we are. Knowing our faults is a good thing. I once read that the world is better place because of the presence of evil, because it causes even more good to occur. But knowing our goodness, and being thankful for it, is also a good thing.

I recently read a study on elderly people with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease; they have a tendency toward depression. I think perhaps all older people do, especially those who live alone. They feel unloved, and that is a lonely feeling that goes to the core of your self-worth. The study showed that someone just being with these people, in the nursing homes, the care centers, or the hospitals, lifts their spirits in a way that no words or drugs can do. Another human presence focused on them, perhaps just holding their hand, listening to soft music with them, or listening to them talk --- about anything, gives them a peace of soul. The people who visit do a great good for these elderly people, yet they aren’t really doing much except being there. How many people do we impact in that way, in ways in which we are never aware, just because we are in their live? We so often do good for others, and we never know it.

Recently we celebrated the anniversary of the miracle at Lourdes, France. What impact do you think the young girl, Bernadette, thought she might be having on others, as she knelt in prayer? What impact do you think the waiters at Cana felt as they heeded Mary’s words: “Do whatever He tells you.”? These people have had a huge impact on the world --- could they ever have guessed? In Physics, String Theory says that everything in the universe impacts everything else --- it cannot be avoided; all are connected like strands on a spider’s web.

All the good we do matters; it is felt somewhere.

Last month I read the newsletter of a very small organization which is focused on saving babies, one at a time helping women to turn away from the abortion clinic. One of the members reflected in the newsletter how the numbers saved had gone down in recent weeks, and he was considering new ways of becoming more effective. His failures so hurt him; he wanted no child to be killed. He reflected how lonely his work was, and how few seemed to care. Unintentionally, he was focusing on his failures, and only counting the good results he could see. He saw some simple scorecard, and he was the one tallying the results; he was judging himself. He forgot, however, who the ultimate Judge is.

This week I went into my local Verizon store, and I came out of the stone age. I moved from dial-up access to the internet to a wireless access. I needed the more costly service, as a friend rightly pointed out to me, to continue some of the good works I was doing. At the store as the young lady began the process of registering me, she asked me what I did for a living. I told her I was retired, but active in a number of charities and was also trying to pull a book together, a book about some of the wonderful people who were answering God’s call, and making a major difference in the lives of others. She for a few minutes and then asked: “Is it too late to add more stories to the book?” I said no, more could be added. She then proceeded to tell me about this wonderful organization to which her friend belonged which was saving babies from abortion. She said it so inspired her that she worked to provide them with donations for the mothers and babies, and also she started donating time at a soup kitchen. The organization she referred to is the one which sent me the newsletter; that man is already writing his story for me.

It’s wonderful how God works sometimes, isn’t it? I wrote a note to the man and told him the story of the woman I had “by chance” met. She saw the work of his small organization and she was inspired to help not only his work, but others. She wasn’t in this man’s tally of women helped or babies saved, yet perhaps she was a bigger tally of good than any of those --- and up until now, he did not even know she existed, much less that he was the cause of her good works. Like a spider’s web, He has created all things beautifully.

I hope my note cheered him. We all try to do our best, but so often we are our own worst judge --- we can never do enough, or well enough. But we are judging ourselves falsely, because we will never know all the good that we do, and perhaps even if we did, we would treat it too lightly. Our good far outweighs our bad in importance. That’s why we are challenged to grow in holiness all our lives, to focus on the good things; our challenge is not to become less evil. We are called to imitate Jesus; if we look at our sins or failures it should only be for the purpose of helping us do more good the next time, not for weighing our evils. Only the good in us and by us matters, and it matters eternally.

You will never understand in this life just how good you are. Only God knows, .... and He loves you.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Presents From Him

You’ve been reading lately of some of my anxieties, but this blog is to help relieve yours, not add to them. And so I always endeavor to show you that your anxieties --- and mine --- are so totally unnecessary, if we just have faith.

“Just”???

I know such faith is no easy thing. But sometimes the answers to our anxieties are so simple; sometimes they must merely be said aloud to Him, and we feel His comfort.

And sometimes He even gives us the words to say to Him.

A friend recently gave me a very worn, very old, and obviously very treasured book of hers as a birthday gift. I’m sure it was difficult for her to part with it, but perhaps she felt I needed it. And perhaps, although I didn’t know it, I did. Last night, amidst my anxieties, I read these words --- no, I prayed from my heart these words, truly given to me as a present --- from Him:

Whole days pass by, and never a kind word do I hear; it seems as though the entire world has forgotten me. Alas! It is so true; I count for nothing on earth. I am like a tiny ant here below --- like a little ant hidden away and unnoticed in the dense foliage of a mighty forest. Any yet --- I, too, have a heart --- a heart that yearns much, very much, for the sympathy it needs.

Ah, at least one word! True, I hear so many of them; but there are none that find their way into my heart, into my soul. They do indeed distract me for just a little while; but then they go away from me again and leave me as sad and weary as before.

Oh, how I long for a word that rings true with the sweet music of a father’s voice --- music to soothe and comfort my troubled heart --- a word full of life and full of love for me?

How often it has come home to me with gentle force that the word for which I so ardently long comes to me from nowhere else than from the tabernacle; and it comes to me in the blessed hours of solitude, when the noise and bustle of the world are far from me, when I sit at Jesus’ feet in holy recollection. When Jesus speaks, it is obvious that He wants no other witnesses than angels.

So I will go to Him and tell Him. O what will I tell Him? I will tell Him all my miseries, my worries, my daily crosses. I will do as Mary did. Upon His sacred feed I will shed the tears of my sufferings, the balsam of my thoughts, and the odor of my love; and then I will listen to what He has to say to me.

O Jesus, tell me, are You satisfied with me? Do I really comfort Your Heart a little when I visit You? And still more when I receive You in Holy Communion? Or do I but add to the great pain that men cause You?

Do You find many imperfections in my soul? At times I think I am still just as bad as I ever was; again I think that I have become better, that I have become a little more pious. Then is my heart divided between fear and hope, between sorrow and joy.

I promise you so many things every day, and afterwards I commit the same faults again, just as if I had promised You nothing. Do You then love me less because of this? Have You not become tired of me, my Jesus? Else, why should these persistent distractions annoy me? Else, whence this dryness of soul? Is this perhaps the means you use to make me feel Your humiliating, yet sanctifying, hand? My loving Savior, surely You know that I love You! You are the first in my thoughts and the last; I live, so to speak for You alone.

O say at least one word to me, my Jesus, only one word! See, I kneel here before You, a soul steeped in misery and dragging itself along the road to perfection --- O so slowly! But it is a soul that loves You truly from the heart’s very depths --- a soul that is willing, out of love for you, to make any and every sacrifice --- even the greatest. O Jesus, is not such a soul worthy to remain near You?

Eucharistic Whisperings, by Windrid Herbst S.D.S.

Somewhere in my being were these words, which I could not voice, and I could not pray. But He gave them to me as a present; He is so good that way.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I'll Not Get to Heaven

“Only God is in heaven.” I read that statement and jumped in my seat, my mind and feelings racing. That can’t be, for so many reasons that I could not even begin to think of them individually. But then I realized: that could ONLY be, for perhaps even more and even bigger reasons.

Mankind, for as long as it has existed, has had a common existence. Certain parts of our DNA, scientists say, are in common, tracing us back to some common ancestors, Adam and Eve, if you were to give them names. All humanity is connected in some mysterious way which science likely will never fully understand, but we are all part of this one human family, together.

Many men have taught that mankind is not yet at its fullest potential; that the human being is set up for more, a higher level of perfection is possible, and some men say it is naturally evolving toward that. Certain philosophers taught that some men can force that to happen, jump start evolution, to create the “superman,” the perfect man. In the last century we’ve seen the failures of those philosophies, with much death and destruction --- but no perfection, to say the least. I suppose there will always be some men like that, with big enough egos to think THEY know the way. But there has only been one man who knew the way to perfection, and He WAS the Way.

God became man, to break into this family of mankind; it’s like the story of the geese lost in the storm. I’m sure you heard it. Someone had to become a goose to lead them to shelter, or the flock would not follow to safety. They could not imagine someone they could trust except one of their own. Jesus, God, became one of us to lead us to safety, to lead us to heaven. If man were to continue evolving, perhaps he’d reach some greater point of perfection, but then he could go no higher. But he could still be more if he could somehow reach that plane of his Creator, or if his Creator somehow invited him into His plane of existence, His house, if you will. Jesus did just that.

Heaven is God’s house, where He exists. As men, we can’t even conceive of such a perfect place, much less fit into it. It would be like a dog trying to fit into our house, to live in and run it even as one of our family. No, a dog can only exist in our house through our will, and even then he must be on his best behavior, or we will throw him out. In his normal “dog state”, he does not fit in our house at all.

In our normal “man state” we don’t fit into heaven either. I’m honest, and looking at myself I’ll admit that I cannot conceive of me fitting into heaven (there are some who might say I don’t even fit too well in my earthly home). Heaven, fit for a God, could never accept me being there. I certainly am not worthy, and never will be. But neither, by himself, will be any man. Jesus breaking into mankind’s family, however, getting into our DNA if you will, connects mankind to something and someone on a plane higher than mankind could reach alone. He connects us to heaven, in mysterious ways that our feeble minds can never fully understand --- so we’ll just have to accept His revelation on this. But He gives us a way to heaven, through Him. He is the Way.

In heaven, only God can exist, but we can exist there through Him, even as He existed in mankind. We won’t be totally separated from Him in heaven, like at a cocktail party where everyone mills around the host. We will be united with Him in some way there, part of His body, but He the head. United to that perfection, what more could we ever want? And it’s a gift to us, this perfection in heaven, if we choose to accept it.

This is the teaching of the Catholic Church. When I began to grasp this teaching, I yearned even more for this union with Jesus, wanting it, some taste of it, even now. And that is another teaching of the Catholic Church, which it explains is Jesus’ teaching: I can get a taste of heaven now, a union with Jesus, in the Eucharist. And in the mass when men gather, presenting themselves in worship as one family, they become one with Him also. Oh, I can’t fully grasp it all, all the wisdom, all the beauty, all the love, but it makes me yearn for it always.

If Jesus was the opening to the door of heaven, I want to walk through that door with Him. He said He went to prepare a place for me; I had no idea it was so close to Him, being one with Him. His home and me being there, not as a God who naturally belongs there, but as one of His adopted children, held very close.

Only God is or will be in heaven. I can understand that. But I can’t wait to get there.

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior,
I know for sure
All of my days are held in Your hand;
Crafted into Your perfect Plan.

You gently call me into your presence,
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit;
Teach me, dear Lord,
To live all my life through Your eyes.

I’m captured by Your holy calling,
Set me apart,
I know You’re drawing me to Yourself;
Lead me Lord, I pray.

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me;
I give my life to the Potter’s hand.
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me;
I give my life to the Potter’s hand.

The Potter’s Hand, by Darlene Zschech / Hillsongs, Australia

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Just What We Needed

Oh Look!


More snow.


Just what we needed ….


Ho…


Ho…


HO!!!


(I’m smiling, Lord. But You know, ‘tis not funny anymore.)

Friday, February 4, 2011

Lessons in Love

God never blessed me with children. I wonder about that sometimes, why not. Since it is what is, however, I guess I’m left with presuming that it was a good thing, perhaps part of His plan. I don’t have to understand His love to accept it, but I can wonder. Certainly it would have made a difference in my life if I would have had children, although for better or worse, I can’t imagine. But looking honestly at who I am now, I’m not too sure I would have been a good father. I know fatherhood is, on the whole, a difficult thing. Oh there are many blessed times, warm memories for a lifetime --- I’m sure I would have treasured those --- despite never having experienced them, I miss them now. But there would have also been difficult times, the tough love times, when lessons must be taught to children, whether through punishment, or just letting a child go off and fail. I’m not at all sure I would have been a good father at that, when the father’s love is responded to by his child saying: “I hate you.”

Letting the young adult child go off and learn the hard lessons of life, and fail sometimes, is difficult for a father, but a good father does this. The father of the Prodigal Son was an example to imitate. A father at this morning’s bible study wrestled with financially helping his daughter find an apartment --- for her and her boyfriend. I recalled how many years ago a very good friend who I and my wife were about to vacation with asked me if I would be concerned if she brought along a boyfriend, to stay with --- I said yes, I’d be “bothered” by that and told her so; my wife raged at my response. The wife is gone, and my very good friend still is one. Difficult decisions, of love vs love. I’ve seen fathers --- and mothers, who’ve failed at these difficult times, still sheltering their children well into adulthood. It’s also difficult for a father to not continually push his child, to be the best that they can be --- or perhaps, the best he’d like them to be, whether in school, or sports, or even playing the piano. A father wants his children to succeed, to be exceptional, although by definition most children are only average. It’s a difficult thing, being a father and admitting that his child might not be so special when compared to other children --- they seem so special to you, but a good father can admit this truth and love his child anyway --- no, no, no, not “anyway”, but “period.” A good father loves his child, period, with no regrets, even if he is only an average child. A good father, more than anything else, loves.

I think my dad was a good father. I never felt he had any regrets over my failures, and I’m told he often told others how proud he was of my successes. He did his best, and then let me be an adult, gradually loosening the reins, and knowing when to let me go --- to be a success, or a failure, or a fool, on my own. And always being there, and sure in the knowledge that I KNEW he’d always be there, whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, or a walk on the golf course to share memories of our love.

I think that’s how a good father acts, kind of running along with his child, but in the background. Like the father who removes the training wheels and lets the kid ride off on his bike alone, perhaps to fall --- but secretly, the father is near behind to catch him, if he can. A good father lets loose and yet holds tight at the same time. It’s hard for a good father to give love like that; it’s sometimes hard for a child to accept love like that; they think they can do everything on their own at such a young age. I think it is a continual lesson they both are learning at the same time.

I don’t know if I’d been good at that part of fatherhood, but I know my heavenly Father does, and that’s how He treats me. I can accept being the father that I am, a father to His children, not mine. And I have a pretty strong confidence that when I ride off alone, sometimes a bit wobbly in my balance, He is behind me somewhere to catch me if I fall. So it’s a surprise, sometimes, when I do fall and it hurts badly. And perhaps I even yell: “Where were You?” But it never seems to fail that He’s there, or He sends me someone to hold me and say: “Don’t worry. It’ll be all right.”

And it is.

Good fathers give us lessons in love, by letting us fail, and sometimes by helping us up, but always being there.

Thank you, Father, for always being there, through my earthly father, my neighbor, and Your Son. Always there, especially when I fall.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Worry

As I prayed the rosary in front of Our Lord this night, I had worries on my mind. I had worries in recent days about a task I was confident He was calling me to do --- He seemed so persistent in his knocking at my door --- and the path He asked me to follow seemed to be so adorned with flowers. It seemed the right path. But I worried about my will, and the paths I thought would be good to follow. Would my concerns with MY WAY of doing things lead us both astray --- would I lead us from His intended destination? I worried.

A friend asked me to pray for her: was the path she thought to follow the will of the Lord, or only her ego disturbing their conversation? I laughed; I recently had asked the same question, I told her. We all so worry: Am I doing right? Am I doing enough? Am I doing good enough? And as I prayed the rosary I reflected on these mysteries of my life, as I thought about the mysteries of Jesus’ life: my worries; His worries; the parallels; and the insights He gave me this night about worry --- and its silliness.

Why do I doubt You can do anything?
Why do I still worry?
I am never alone, for You are with me.
Spirit of Wisdom, guide me.
Lord, let me love others as my children, as You would love them.


That last meditation gave me pause: Let me love as You would? My worries seemed to be about my relationship to God: Am I doing Your will, or am I doing my will? A thing which I had forgotten, however, is that all my actions inevitably involve others. This last meditation reminded me that love is about how I treat those others. Thinking on this, I can see that if I love others as my children, as He would love them, then my actions will not --- indeed cannot --- be only of myself, or my ego, for He will truly be with me. If I do things in the right mindset, I need not worry that my will is getting in the way. So I relaxed a little, but then I saw that’s only part of the story. My relations with others are not only about what I do --- which I seemed to worry so much about ---but they are also about what they do.

My doing His will consists in doing the best I can AND in not preventing His will for me through the people He brings into my life. My total relationship with others is not just in my control. So often I focus on and worry about my actions, but it is when those actions are touched by others’ that God’s Providence comes into play --- His actions beyond my will to change. How do I react to those?

We see few huge miracles in our lives. It is in the little details of our lives that we see God’s love. Sometimes we don’t notice them, and it seems we are alone, or that things are just happening to us by chance and beyond our control. Do you really believe you and your life were created by chance, however, like a spilled bucket of paint, and some image that appeared in the splatter? No, each hair of your head was carefully drawn by your Creator. Like an artist in love with His work, no small detail of you is unimportant to God.

The ultimate artist, God stares at His work, He makes small changes, unnoticeable by most, but He notices. To Him, each little detail, an added change, perfects His effort. Those small changes are actions He does to us each and every day, through the people around us. The people we see in our daily doings are little whispers to us from our surroundings, surroundings He created. When we hear them and react to them in trust, He smiles; His perfection in us is being achieved. His love is being accepted by His beloved.

How is He creating His perfection in you today? Is your unruly child perfecting you in patience? Is your unappreciative spouse teaching you to love without counting the cost? Are your fervent prayers in the quiet of the church, your screams and cries to God, answered in silence, teaching you that love does not have to be spoken between lovers --- it is enough to be in each other’s presence, and know in confidence that you are loved, even in your trials, even in your sadness?

There is nothing to worry about if we seek to do God’s will, as best as we discern it, and treat all His other children exactly as He treats us, with a total giving love, no matter what they give us in return.

If we can do this, living within the artistry of His creation, accepting how He created us and how he created our surroundings at each and every moment, His work will be perfected. We cannot see His whole painting of creation now, but one day we will be united with the Great Artist, and see His masterful work, and likely cry, arm-in-arm with Him, at its amazing beauty. And perhaps then you may point to some small corner of His canvas and say: “Oh look, is that me?” And He will just smile, and hug you. You make it perfect.