Tuesday, April 25, 2017
As I began my rosary last night, I realized something about my prayer intentions that I hadn’t considered before. Often in the past I’ve said prayers for this thing or that, this person or that --- things which came to my immediate attention. In effect, I was praying for some quick fix of the situation which concerned me. Over the years, however, that fix I prayed for has gone from a prayer for “this solution” to one of “in Your mercy,” as I matured enough in faith to recognize that often --- perhaps most often --- any particular solution I sought to a problem probably wasn’t the best one. I mean, the problem existed because I and people who asked me to pray about that problem couldn’t fix it that way, so I gradually accepted that probably God had some better solution, even if I couldn’t see it --- or if I did, I didn’t understand how that was better. But I learned that God is truly a loving God, with loving solutions to problems, so I began praying for His solutions to the problems I prayed over. My prayer became “not my will, but Thy will be done.” And I perceived my prayers were in fact answered more often --- even if I didn’t fully understand the answer: like my prayers for mercy on this country, and the unexpected election results last year. The whole world is still trying to figure out that answered prayer --- but I still trust, even as I accept that I can’t understand all of God’s ways.
But back to tonight, my rosary prayer intentions were for an end to abortion, a cure for autism, and for God’s mercy on our country and the world. I can’t begin to imagine how any of those things could come about, even if I wanted to pray for some particular solution. But again, I trust God can bring those things about, because I am confident He loves His little children and the poor who are at the heart of those intentions. I recognized, tonight, that solutions to these things would be big miracles --- really big --- yet I prayed for these things with a confidence that God can and does do really big things. I trust in Him.
And I recognize that God also has a confidence in me --- that I will seek out, as He directs me, and do the little things H puts before me. I trust that God will show me the little things, the people He puts into my life, to love them as He would. He will show me the way to make this world a better place, to live out my part, one person at a time. All I have to do is trust, and act, and this world will be a better place.
And He will love me for it.
I begin my rosary prayer each night with a kind of conversation starter: “Lord, here’s the big things I worry about, what plans are You making?” And I think He then asks me to consider: “What progress are you making on your tasks?” And I respond, “Well, let me tell You, …”
And that’s how my prayers go, a conversation with God, an exchanging of love, in trust. It’s taken me years to reach this point, but I like our conversations, and I don’t worry about big miracles any more. They’re in good hands. And I like our time together.