Take a Walk With God

These thoughts came to me as I sat in church before early morning mass today:

Each morning and evening I spend time in a church or chapel, time in the presence of God.  I KNOW He is there, in the quiet.  Often, in varied ways, I hear Him speak to my soul.  Oh, I am no saint, but I have reached --- after many, many years --- a degree of spiritual progress.  (At some point along the way I suspect God sighed: Finally!).  I wish everyone could feel what I feel, especially on those days when, in sorrow, I feel almost like a child in its mother’s arms, as she softly sings and tells my soul: “There, there.  Everything will be alright.”  And in that comfortable feeling, I trust it will.

I wish everyone could feel that in their sorrows, but it has been a long journey for me to get to this point.  It would be more than a miracle if everyone I pray for could feel this way at this moment; we are made for our life to be a journey, in His way, along His paths, not ours. So, what CAN one do, who is not so far along the path, and yearns to feel His comfort?  This morning it came to me that they can go for a walk.

A walk outdoors, slowly taking in God’s beautiful creation, is a deliberate action anyone can take.  In the quiet, listen to the birds singing, see the beauty in the trees and waters, feel the freshness in the air, and KNOW: God is here too, present in His creation.  Look up at the sky, and on a sunny day feel the warmth that feeds the plants, photosynthesis making them grow, or on a rainy day, see the waters that cause dormant seeds to sprout, growing like a baby in its mother’s womb.  God is in His creation, and in the quiet walk you can talk to Him, and hear Him speak to you.

He’s always there, waiting, whether in the chapel, I attend --- His earthly home, or in the countryside --- His garden.  He is there.

Let me tell you about someone I know, who took a walk.

A little over a year ago, I crossed paths with a woman I hadn’t seen in years.  In a parking lot we were suddenly face to face, and then she knew, and then I knew, this was not a chance meeting.  (I don’t believe in coincidences.)  She asked me to call her; I went to her house, and then we went for a walk.

We began our walk with prayer --- we wanted God to be part of this conversation --- and then she told me of the disasters in her life:  Maxed out in debts, facing bankruptcy, the loss of her children and her house, her divorce lawyer suggested she give in to her abusive husband’s demands.  It was a dark time, when our paths crossed and we went for that walk, and a talk with God. 

Now it is a year later, and last night she called me again.

She was out on a walk again, talking with God, when her phone rang.  She had received a large tax refund and earlier this week called one of the banks she was in debt to: “I have no savings; I have an old car and an old house, and five young children.  I don’t know what emergencies I’ll be facing this year, but I have this tax-refund check in my hand.  Will you accept it in payment for what I owe?”  And while she was out walking last night the bank had called her back, accepting her offer.  One-by-one, she had called all the credit card companies, and this was the last to settle.  “Tom, I had to call you; I feel almost like I have risen from the dead!  I did not think this day was possible!  Praise God!”  And she cried tears of joy as she walked along.  With God, all things are possible.

As I sat in church this morning, these thoughts swept over me, and the sun peeked through the cloudy morn and suddenly there was a blaze of red on all the clouds, lighting up the large church window in front of me.  It was totally awesome; you could see no more dark clouds, only shades of red.  And then I glanced down and read the Morning Prayer open in front of me, reading the words I’ve read a thousand times --- but reading them today for the first time:

In the tender compassion of God
the dawn from on high shall break upon us
to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death,
and guide our feet into the way of peace.  

He is risen, indeed.

Grace

Sometimes God grants me the grace to see and understand the people and events of my life; I sometimes document that here.  But I don’t think I’m number one on His hit parade list; He grants graces --- often huge amounts --- to others, who also sometimes document their blessings. 

I sometimes read what the others wrote and their blessings just flow off from their words, like water.  And it feels so refreshing to me, like a thirst quenched.  Yesterday was such a night, as I read these meditations from the authors of Divine Intimacy (#143) and The Better Part (#236).  The topic of each meditation was grace, grace defined and then grace shown in action by the author of grace.

The Divine Intimacy meditations define the grace which starts and feeds our spiritual growth, the Living Water we so need:

“Jesus stated on several occasions that He was the fountain of living water for all who believed in Him.  Standing erect in the midst of the crowd, He said in a loud voice: If any man thirst, let him come to Me and drink.  He that believeth in Me … within him shall flow rivers of living water (Jn 7:37-8).  The thirst of which Jesus was speaking is the thirst for truth, for justice, the thirst for peace and true happiness, and above all the thirst for God, the keen, ardent desire for Him.  This water of which Jesus declares that He is the source is the life-giving water of grace.  By making us sharers in the divine nature, it permits us to into intimate relations with God; it permits us to live with the Trinity dwelling in our soul; in a word, it opens the door to divine intimacy.

(Divine Intimacy) means a profound “sense” of the divinity, by means of which the soul becomes aware --- not by reasoning or demonstration, but more by way of experience --- that God is so different from creatures, so unique, so great, that He truly deserves all the love of the heart.  This new way of loving God, this new experience of God and divine things is really living water which quenches the soul’s thirst.  It is the living water of prayer, which, as a result of divine action, has now become deeper, more intimate, more contemplative; it is the living water of contemplation.  This contemplation is a gift of God.”

A Prayer of St. Augustine:

“O Truth, light of my soul, do not permit the darkness to frighten me.  You have allowed me to walk in it, and now I am obscurity.  But even from the darkness, yes, even from there, I have loved You … Let me drink at Your spring and live.

As the heart pants after the fountain, so does my soul sigh for You, Lord!  My soul thirsts for You, O God, the living source.  O fount of life, vein of living water, when shall I reach the waters of Your sweetness in this desert land, dry and full of rocks, and see Your power and glory, and quench my thirst with the waters of Your mercy?  I thirst, O Lord, I thirst for You, living fountain.

O fire that ever burns and is never consumed, enkindle me!  O Light that shineth ever and is never veiled, illumine me!  Oh! If I could only burn with Your flame, O sacred fire!  How gently You burn; how secretly You shine; how wonderful it is to be enkindled by You!

I give You thanks, who illumine me and deliver me, for You have enlightened me and I have known You.  Late have I known You, O ancient Truth; late have I known You, O eternal Truth!  You were I the light and I was in darkness, and I did not know You, for I had no light without You, and without You there is no light!”

Oh how St. Augustine stated so perfectly my own yearnings for grace.

In the Better Part I read the meditations about Grace in action; it was a meditation on today’s Gospel where Jesus and His grace open the hearts of the men on the road to Emmaus (Lk 24:13-35).  He was the grace which opened their eyes to the meaning of Scripture, and the meaning of His words and life.  The meditations begin with the Gospel’s conclusion, when Jesus stayed for dinner with the men:

Now while He was with them at table, He took the bread and said the blessing; then He broke it and handed it to them.  And then their eyes were opened and they recognized Him; but He had vanished from their sight.  Then they said to each other, ‘Did not our hearts burn within us as He talked to us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?’

“If we truly wish to follow Christ, He will lead us as no one ever could; if we attentively listen to Him, He will stir up our hearts with a wisdom this world can never give.”

And the meditation conceives what Jesus’ grace would say to our hearts:

Jesus:  I know when you are downcast and sad.  I know when the shadow of the cross and Good Friday make you turn away from Jerusalem and head back to your old ways.  I know, and I care, more than you can imagine.  I am always drawing near to You.  I speak in the quiet voice of your conscience, where only you can hear me.  Sometimes I speak to you through the words of a friend or a verse from the Bible.  Whenever you hear my voice, and you know when you do, you have only to welcome it, to make your prayer the same as these two disciples who pressed me to stay with them.  Will I ever deny such a request, I who came all the way down from heaven just because I couldn’t stand being far away from you?  This is why I came; this is why I died; this is why I rose again --- to stay with you.

And our hearts yearn to reply:

“I have chosen to follow you, Lord, and no one else.  I know it’s only because You called me, but I have made the choice.  You are the Lord.  You are the fount of wisdom, forgiveness, love, and life that fills the world with whatever goodness it has.  Make me a channel of Your grace, a riverbed for Your flowing fountain.

Dear Lord, it’s a mystery to me, this passing life, so busy but so out of focus.  Help me to know in each moment what I should do and how I should be.  I have only this life to live, and I want to live it well.

Stay with me, Lord.  How I need a friend who knows me through and through and doesn’t judge me!  How I need a coach who knows my strengths and weaknesses and who knows how to profit from the former and shore up the latter!  I feel such a burning desire to do something worthwhile, to do more --- You put that desire in my heart.  Now show me what to do with it.”

Lord, I want, I NEED Your grace.

Why Am I Alive?

If you Googled that question and somehow ended up here, I guess I should tell you up front that you won’t find alcohol or drugs or any other “quick fixes” people seek here.  I mean, I don’t know you, so I can’t give you any specific answers about your life, BUT …

I DO know about life.  I KNOW that every life is important, even yours, messed up as it now seems.  “And how do you know that,” you might be asking; “You don’t know me.”  Well, how can you believe all you read in those history books or in science books?  Some things you accept as true based on the authority of the writer.  But, how can you believe the sun will rise tomorrow morning?  Perhaps it’s because you’ve seen it happen over and over again, and maybe you never even thought about it until I just asked the question, but still, you know.  You just KNOW.

I know, have seen and have thought about things happening in my life, and I’ve noticed that some of them are like that sun rising.  They are beyond my control, but I can see that they are not just happening to me, but many other people too.  Perhaps, --- even likely, I believe --- to you also.  But I can only tell you, give the examples of what is happening to me.  And then if you can see the “sunrises” in my life, perhaps you might see them in yours also.

This blog has been here for over 10 years.  I began writing it when dad and sis died within a month; I had to leave my job of 38 years, and I had to take care of mom, who had dementia.  I wouldn’t describe these events as “sunrises,” but they were definitely beyond my control!  But, because of those events --- and this blog --- I’ve seen the importance of my life, and the events which happen to it, events beyond my control.

I’ve written here of my efforts to care for mom, but also of the good ideas and advice strangers have given me.  And I’ve written how they subtly changed my life.  But I’ve also documented and seen how the woman in Iceland was able to bear up under great pressures, and the woman in Australia decided to set out on a new path, confident because of things she came to know because the words here opened her mind.  And because of words here I got to know a stranger from Tennessee, who one day wrote to me in utter fear and despair, and I was able to discover and write her children, who rescued her.  “You save my mom’s life,” they wrote in thanks.

In these past 10 years, I have influenced many lives, and they have influenced mine.  I never chose to have these events happen --- and many of the events were absolutely horrible, at the time they were happening.  I know and have lived much despair.  BUT, and this is a really key point, I CHOSE to live it.  I didn’t bury myself in a hole, alone.  I didn’t live a life of whining (well, except for perhaps a blog post or two), and I didn’t commit suicide.  I let the sun rise on me, events beyond my control, and I entered the lives of people who crossed my path, and they entered mine.  I chose to live through sorrows (and trusting in God really helped me to do that) and out of those sorrows I came to see a sun rising, in my life and in those whom God put in my path.

It happened again today.

My Saturday morning breakfast friend of 30 years or so would not make it today.  He had fallen --- again --- at home.  His Alzheimer’s was getting worse.  His wife sadly told me their children were searching for a place to take care of him, to keep him safe.  I, and people I’ve met, have lived through her despair, and I pray I offered her words of comfort.

So, I slept in today; no breakfast appointment to keep.  I woke and didn’t feel like making breakfast.  I thought of going to church to say my morning prayers, but most churches are closed this morning, or in an organized chaos as volunteers erect Easter decorations.  So, I decided to go to a nearby breakfast place, one my friend and I used to go to.  And as I drove there I thought it somewhat strange that I could suddenly recall the names of the two waitresses who used to wait on us there, years ago.

And, as I found, they still do.

“Good morning,” she said as I sat down; “How have you been?”  “God is good,” I replied.  “Well, usually,” she answered.  And, thus began my conversation with this virtual stranger that God had put in my path this day --- but at least he gave me recall of her name, to facilitate the conversation.

She told me how her sister and dad had died within six months and now she was searching for a place for mom --- like my breakfast friend’s wife was doing, and like I had done for my mom 13 years ago.  She spoke of the stress of dealing with the deaths, the pressure of finding a place, and of settling the financial affairs --- including going through their house and all the memories, in preparation for its sale.  And I could see the tears as she spoke.  I’ve seen, and shed, them many times.

I sat and read my morning prayers there in the restaurant, as she continued to fill my coffee cup, and thoughts continued to fill our minds, and conversation.  I remembered I had a copy of my Monday blog posting in the car, the posting about Notre Dame and how there are no coincidences, and how we need to trust.  I gave it to her and a copy and this blog’s address, and offered that she might gain benefit from the postings here that I had categorized as relating to “mom”.  “You’ll read about some of the difficult things I faced in caring for my mom, as you are and will, but you’ll also read about the happy times too.  There was much joy in caring for her, and in meeting the people who helped me in that care.”  She thanked me most sincerely.  After I finished reading my prayers, I told her to order me anything for breakfast, but just bring me half, “I’m not that hungry; you can have the other half.”  She brought out the exact breakfast I usually order with my Alzheimer’s friend.  We both thought it tasted exceptionally good.

My friend having to be put in a nursing home, and his wife grieving; breakfast alone, on the day after we recalled Christ’s Passion, and then re-meeting another person in despair.  A very sad day?  No, I don’t think so, for I’ve come to believe there is a reason for all such things.  Maybe some people would say “Yeh, well all those things a buck will get you a cup of coffee.”  And I’d replay: “Perhaps, but never forget that on that dollar bill are the words: In God We Trust.”

And, ---- I don’t believe in coincidences.

- - - - - - - - - -

In this morning’s prayers I read something attributed “From an ancient homily on Holy Saturday.”  I found the words most heartening as I read them there in the restaurant.  You can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/4c2iz1/from_an_ancient_homily_on_holy_saturday/

And I also read this closing petition to my morning prayers:

Christ, Son of the Living God, through baptism we were buried with you,
risen also with you in baptism, may we walk in newness of life.

“Newness of life” I read, and I thought of the eternity He bought for us by His death, but I also though of the newness of each day of our lives.  Events happen for a reason, part of some bigger plan.  The sun will rise tomorrow.  God was, and is, and always will be with us.  We need to walk forward confidently holding His hand.  There is a reason for all the events of our lives. 

It’s why we are alive.