Speculations on Marriage

The article in the March-April 2015 issue of Catholic Answers Magazine (CA) was titled:  Divorce and Communion.  It spoke of the two meetings of bishops called for by Pope Francis, one in October 2014, and one in October 2015, “about ways to help families.”  The article focused on a proposal first made by Cardinal Kasper of Germany in 1993, “advocating Communion for the divorced and civilly-remarried.”  Then Cardinal Ratzinger, head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, responded to that proposal by reiterating Church teachings on marriage.

In February 2014, Cardinal Kasper re-stated his proposal.  Cardinal Kasper identified 7 conditions, but CA noted that “in essence, Cardinal Kasper is proposing to allow people to receive absolution in confession and Communion while continuing to have sex with each other, even though they are not validly married to each other and are therefore committing ongoing adultery,”  CA noted that the key question was: “Is it possible for a person who has a sacramental first marriage to contract a new marriage that is valid but non-sacramental while the first spouse is alive?”  CA was blunt: “The answer is no.”  That “no” was backed up by a listing of Church teachings on the Sacrament of Matrimony.

The article summarized the seriousness of the debate (vocal and public among some cardinals):  “Even if the Kasper proposal does not require a change in the Church’s teaching on the indissolubility of marriage, it would require a change in the Church’s teaching in at least one of the following three areas:  1. (Sex outside marriage is sinful); 2. (Confessors MUST resolve to sin no more); or 3. “The need to be in a state of grace to receive Communion.”  The article concluded: “The Kasper proposal thus requires the belief that sexual relations in a second, civil marriage are not gravely sinful.”      

My initial reactions the CA summary were that the changes it noted which “would be required” are obviously impossible --- as worded. 

The article noted without comment that “Pope Francis will make the final determination on the proposal.  The synod has a role in advising him, but all decisions are made by the pope himself.”  Bishops were asked to provide input to the October synod by April 15.

To be honest, I finished reading the CA article a bit angry.  The wording implied that divorced Catholics had broken the rules, were not allowed participation in the Church, and that the discussion was about letting them participate anyway.  This sounded strangely like the amnesty debate going on in this country right now.  No wonder the Pope Francis and President Obama seem friends, I thought.  They think alike, a comparison which did not sit well with me.

But I did the one thing I could do about the situation and my feelings: I resolved to pray on it --- and then rather quickly forgot that resolve. 

But God didn’t forget.

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I was in the Adoration Chapel to say my Evening Prayers later on this week.  I began as I often do, with a rosary prayer.  Beginning the rosary, I prayed the Creed and then, placing my fingers on the first rosary bead, I began to pray: “For the intentions of our Holy Father, Pope Francis.  Our Father Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name ….  And then I stopped my prayer.

I looked up at the monstrance and Jesus on the altar, and unbidden thoughts suddenly flooded my mind, and for the next two hours I raced to jot them down: thoughts on Pope Francis, his intentions, and on the sacrament of Matrimony:

My mind initially fixated on a comparison between the sacraments of Matrimony and Holy Orders.  Each has for its purpose the growing in holiness of (one or more) persons.  Each sacrament is focused on evangelizing a family.  There are many other similarities between the sacraments.  Even in description, in their vocation women religious are said to be married to Christ, and men religious are said to be married to His Church.  We tend to think of Holy Orders, perhaps because of all the people impacted by priests, as the more important of the two sacraments, but the Church makes no formal statements to that effect.  In fact, perhaps because of its fundamentality, or perhaps because it was the only sacrament not initiated by Jesus but by the Creator, but whatever the reason,  the Church in one key way DOES treat the sacrament of Matrimony as the more important of the two:  In Matrimony, you are not allowed to fail.

If you fail at Holy Orders, you may request to be discharged of your vows (and obligations) or you may be forbidden to exercise them by the Church, despite the mysterious fact that “you cannot become a layman again” (CCC 1583).  But while you “cannot” be a layman again, you can act as one --- without sin.  And even if you should continue in Holy Orders while living in sin, the failure of the minister does not prevent Christ from acting through him (CCC 1584).  And whether discharged or practicing, those vowed in Holy Orders can always have their sins forgiven in Penance.

For those vowed in Matrimony, however, the Church rules are stricter.  There is no choosing to be dismissed from the vow, nor even dismissed in penalty by the Church for obvious failure in the duties of the sacrament, or even public scandal.  The “acting like a layman” priest has no more priestly obligations, but the “acting like an unmarried” person still has obligations to the spouse, and family, which the Church says can never, ever go away.

Speaking in simple terms: the vow to get many souls to heaven (Holy Orders) is dismissed more easily than the vow to get one soul there (Matrimony).  A very public failure of a priest or bishop is treated lightly, while a relatively private failure of a spouse is held up as scandal.  It almost seems we should have never stopped the stoning of adulterers ---- but we did.

I thought the Catholic Encyclopedia (c1991) brought out some interesting facts about marriage:

Marriage was officially recognized as a sacrament by the Church in 1215 at the Fourth Lateran Council.  St. Paul referred to marriage as a mysterion, or great mystery.  Theologically, it is considered a sacrament because it images the union of Christ and His Church.  Unlike other sacraments, marriage itself was not instituted by Christ.

The total relationship entails the giving of one spouse to the other for the purpose of aiding in the well-being of each other.  As a sacrament, it is a means of encountering Christ in a special way and of bringing about the salvation of the spouse.  The theology of Vatican II and the revised Code refer to marriage as a vocation (Canon 226.1), through which married persons work for the building up of the Body of Christ in a special way.

Once the marital covenant is entered into, the spouses are obligated to remain faithful to each other for life.  Furthermore, after the consent has been consummated by sexual intercourse, it cannot be dissolved by any power on earth.

The Church acknowledges the fact that many men and women, products of a secular and materialistic society, enter marriage not believing in its sacramentality.  In spite of this lack of faith, the Church teaches that these marriages are sacraments, and not mere natural marriages.

Sitting in the chapel, I considered these facts about the Sacrament of Matrimony, and its heavy responsibilities.  Married and divorced myself, even though raised Catholic with much education in the faith, I certainly did not realized the seriousness of what I was committing to, nor the penalties for failure, or the responsibilities on me to ensure success.  Holy Orders may require ten years of study before final vows are permitted.  I met with a priest for an hour or so, and scheduled my Matrimonial vows --- vows the Church seems to regard as more important.

Theologians exist in the Catholic Church not to change the teachings of Jesus Christ, but to understand them better and more fully.  Changes in teaching are not made, but understanding is expanded.  The Catholic Answers article said major changes to Church teaching would be required to make any changes to the understanding of Matrimony; that didn’t make sense to me.  Matrimony itself, which wasn’t declared a sacrament until 1215 obviously HAS undergone some changes of understanding.

And perhaps with the aid of theologians --- and the Holy Spirit --- this is the time for a further fullness in understanding of this sacrament.   In the chapel, I thought and prayed on this:

SPECULATION ON AREAS NEEDING CLARIFICATION:

·         There are degrees of Holy Orders, bishops, priests, and deacons.  Should there be degrees of Matrimony? 

·         Even as there is a hierarchy of responsibilities among the ordained priests, perhaps there should be a hierarchy of responsibility among those vowed in marriage together.  Perhaps even as the priests prove their faith and abilities and are raised in rank and responsibility, so should those vowed in marriage.  Should a Marriage Council of some sort exist in every parish?

·         As marriage is a commitment to grow in holiness, should we not celebrate within our community those growing in their commitment?  Perhaps as evidenced by children?  Perhaps as evidenced by leading roles in Church activities?  Perhaps by longevity?  Can we celebrate the best without denigrating the sinner?  Who would Jesus be dining with today --- would he avoid coming to the home of a divorce and remarried?  If He wouldn’t judge them, why is the Church?

·         For those who fail in their marriage vows, like those who fail in their Holy Orders vows, if their failure is public (divorce or ????), perhaps they should be prohibited from certain promotions or responsibilities within the Church, like the failing priests.  For extremely scandalous (murder of a spouse??) actions, perhaps they SHOULD be banned from making another vow to God in the Church --- but still not cut off from the mercy of forgiveness.  Perhaps, recognizing the failure of man in his judgments, there should be some allowance for evidences of God’s blessing of civil marriages, OR some sort of Church blessings --- and even vows --- for a second marriage, even after a human failure of the first. 

·         While there recently have been mandatory marriage preparation classes before Matrimony, perhaps there should be mandatory continuous education classes for marrieds, as there are for priests. 

·         If mandatory marriage preparation classes were sufficiently strengthened, perhaps the annulment process could be discontinued --- the sacramentality of the marriage (including “full knowledge and consent” – CCC 1857) should be determined BEFORE administering the marriage vow, not years after in an annulment process.  Perhaps there should be clear definitions of when a priest may deny the administration of the sacrament of matrimony, as the sacrament of Holy Orders is sometimes denied.

·         “We must entrust judgment of persons to the justice and mercy of God”  (CCC 1861).  Perhaps for those considering divorce, as those considering leaving Holy Orders, there should be some type of mandatory retreat offered, at which spouses may clearly understand their situation AND RESPONSIBILITIES in the eyes of the Church.  If they continue to recognize their human failure in keeping their vows and seek divorce, perhaps there should be some requirement of confession, but no further penalties for these who fail in their vows to God. 

·         Considering the situation of no-fault divorce in many states, should there be some unique recognition of the non-failure of the one not seeking a divorce?

·         Should there be special ministries for single parents --- and their children --- in the Church.

May my faults serve only to humiliate me, not to offend you. 
--- Divine Intimacy, Venial Sin (p289)

A murder victim may never have had the chance to repent of his sins; he may have been condemned to hell by his murderer.  Yet, that murderer can obtain forgiveness in confession, and amend his life.  It seems not reasonable that a spouse who fails in his vow to help his partner attain eternal life is cut off from the sacraments by the Church for a divorce and re-marriage.  We may yet see both in heaven.

Blessed are the merciful …

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The above speculations came to me while in adoration.  I make no claims about them, nor do I express any disobedience to existing or future Church teachings, which are developed and administered by souls much wiser and holier than I.