I Care

 

It’s 3AM, Holy Thursday night, Good Friday morning.  I am staying up, keeping Jesus company on the night when He was alone, mocked and tortured before the final agony of the cross.  I used to spend this night in the chapel, His house, but tonight I’m at my home, but I know He is with me here.  My meditations tonight are on His Passion, as written in the books My Other Self by Clarence Enzler (Chapter 8), and The Better Part by John Bartunek (Meditations 393-398 --- the Good Friday Gospel).  And in between reading those books, I’m praying the rosary, reading again the meditations I long ago wrote on each mystery.  So much to discover anew, how much He loved us then – or no, how much he loves us now, for as God He is not limited by time as we know it.  For Him, it’s all happening right now.

In The Better Part, reflecting on John 18:1-11, I had underlined where it speaks of Judas’ betrayal these words: “He became a traitor.  He is now the kind of person who is willing to climb the ladder of success by stepping on his friends.”  How often I have seen that in others and sadly, in my own life.  And yet as when Judas gave Jesus that final kiss, Jesus still called him “friend.”  Later the author reflects (and I underlined again) what Jesus might be saying to us: “I offered the sacrifice of the cross for you, before you even knew me, let alone loved me, and I did it with total freedom.  I didn’t have to, I chose to, just because I can’t bear the thought of spending eternity without you.’

And in the book margin next to those underlined words I had written: “The artist who doesn’t want to part with his work.”  What a great insight the Lord had given me when I wrote those words!  Artwork is the unique expression of what the artist is feeling.  People may look at a painting and ponder long to try to understand why the artist created the unique brushstrokes, what was he thinking here, and what feeling is he expressing there?  Everyone may look at the artwork and perceive some aspect of how and why the artist did everything uniquely this way, and they may correctly interpret some of the thoughts he expressed, the very part of his being he expressed in his artwork. But no one can totally understand, however, the love he put into his work, and that’s why the serious artist finds it so very hard to part with his work.  Jesus feels that way about each one of us.  How much of eternity did He ponder before making me exactly as I am; how could He ever accept being without His creation?  How could I ever think He doesn’t love me?  How could anyone not want to return a love like that?

And then I read on and prayed on this night.  And praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the rosary, I reached the third mystery, the crowing with thorns.  And I read this reflection I had written about what I perceived Jesus felt then, when He was crowned, mocked, and spit upon.  “In my deepest pain:  quiet.  Alone; no one cares.”  That thought, which Jesus may have felt, is why I stay up these Holy Thursday nights, reflecting on all He did at this time, and why.  I want Him to know:  I care.

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And as I was typing these words, I received call that my good friend, Marie, is being admitted to the hospital for tests on acute pains she is feeling.  I care for her also, and all my friends.  Please pray for her.

Abide, Really Live, in God's Word

 

Today’s mass readings are the heart of meaning of this blog’s title:  Do Not Be Anxious.  (Did you know that Do Not Be Afraid is written 365 times in the Bible?)

From the three men who refused to worship the culture’s idol, to Jesus’ hatred by the Pharisees, today’s readings show that acting in love and witnessing truth requires our total commitment, regardless of the consequences.  But God is Love.  God is Truth.  Abide in Him, and despite any sufferings you may undergo in this life because of your commitment to Love, because of your commitment to Truth, you will be eternally saved.  The three men were put into the fire; Jesus was hung on a cross. 

And they were saved.    

Just what easy things are we pursuing to be respected, loved, honored or financially independent while on this earth --- our idols?  Just what hard things are we avoiding to prevent suffering, dishonor, or enable the respected, easy life?  The readings today state that, as a true Christian, don’t idolize or totally focus on the passing things of this life.  Also, as a true Christian, expect to suffer, and thank God for even this, which He may permit.

Totally abide in His Word, trust in Him.  Then, do not be anxious.

Was Jesus Used?

 

I, and others, try to take to heart Jesus’ call to love the poor.  For some, almsgiving is a Lenten practice only.  For others, it is part of their life, their “love your neighbor,” as He did.

I’ve sometimes spoken of things I’ve done.  A lot of things have happened, including the forming of a charity to find those in need, many of which are so used to living in poverty they don’t seek out aid.  They assume no one loves them.  This charity finds those lonely people and matches them with people who do want to love them.  But along the way with that formal charity, and my meager attempts at loving my neighbor, I’ve sometimes heard comments from friends: “Just don’t let them take advantage of you.” Oh, that’s good advice, to be aware of the ways of the world, but I think it’s a bad assumption, to assume that all people are liars or cheats, especially the poor, whom Jesus said He loved, and whom He would judge us on how we loved.  Which brings me to the topic of this post.

Was Jesus used?  Did people take advantage of His very generous, loving soul?  Of course, the Bible doesn’t mention any such thing, but I think that by not mentioning it, it says a lot.  Whether it was the grieving woman burying her son, or the blind man asking “Would You heal me,” Jesus had many around Him whose plight certainly tugged at His heartstrings.  But seeing how generous and loving He was, were there some who sought to take advantage of Him?  Well, as God He could read their hearts, so He certainly could have sent them away.  But I think not.  “I came to save sinners” was His job description, and I think He included even thieves.  Remember, He did eat dinner with them.  Just sending them away would heal no one.

So what about me, and worries that someone might take advantage of my caring.  Well, if I’m to imitate Jesus, I think I must take it all the way, not just the ways I think are good for me. Yes, I am to protect the gifts He gave me and use them prudently, and so I do.  But sometimes it is not reasonably possible to know if someone is REALLY in need, regardless what I may feel about them.  Love of Neighbor isn’t something we’re commanded to feel good about, it’s something we are to will and act on.  Even if he doesn’t love you back.  Even if in some way he nails you to a cross.