Loving is Hard Work

 

As I’ve mentioned (and written here), sometimes God gives me a “nudge” for something He wishes me to see or do or understand.  And sometimes, when I “just don’t get it”, He nudges me so often or firmly that it is like a slap on the face: “Wake up!” He seems to be saying.  “Do you get it now?”

In recent days and weeks, it seems I am seeing many new things, and seeing many old things in a new light, and they are all stating firmly the same message.  We need to change our hearts to accept the real Christian message, as stated in the Gospel of John a number of times:  Love as I have loved.  That means loving God and loving neighbor with a total giving of yourself, regardless of the cost.  That’s a love that even accepts suffering or things not going as you might wish.  Your life is God’s gift, as are all your talents and possessions.  Use them as the Giver of these gifts intended.  We need to reject the culture’s focus on “self” as the prime purpose of our lives.

 

When the study group last week was watching a video on the 3^rd Glorious Mystery of the Rosary, the Descent of the Holy Spirit, we heard the reference to letting go of self.  As disciples, the people in the upper room had learned over the 3 years they followed Jesus how to love as He did, agape, by a total letting go of self-love.  Then The Fire of God’s Love descended upon them, and they became as they were created to be, focused on giving love, even as God IS LOVE.

 

In Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis’ book, Fire of Mercy, he reflects on the Gospel of John 27:15, and what motivated the people when Herod asked:  Who do you want Jesus, or Barabbas?  He writes:

“The mere presence of Jesus, dynamically alive in our midst, is an irritant and a stumbling block to anyone walking to lead a wholly autonomous existence ruled only by the criteria of power, pleasure, and gain. … Human freedom to God is the freedom to love unreservedly by dying to oneself … and rising to a new life of belonging to others. … The mob’s choice of Barabbas over Jesus confirms and glorifies with sordid exultation our own persistent choice of ourselves over God.”

 

In The Better Part, Fr. Bartunek reflects on John 16:16-33 (part of the Last Supper discourse): 

The pattern of spiritual growth is always death to sin and self, making more and more room for life in Christ.  Here on earth, the purification can occur more efficiently and less painfully than in purgatory, because here we are free to cooperate with it, as an athlete cooperates with his trainer.  Any purification that remains to be done after death is completely passive, as a patient under the scalpel of a surgeon.  In both cases, however, the goal remains the same.  The more that self-love gives way to Christ-love, the more fully we will taste the peace and joy that no one can take away, because it flows from the One who has risen and who reigns forever.  “In the world you will have trouble, but be brave, I have conquered the world.”

 

A friend forwarded me the May 7 homily which was preached at the English mass in Medjugorje.  The priest, focusing on the first reading regarding the conversion of Saul, noted how wise, strong, and self-confident Saul was.  Leaders followed his advice.  Then, on his way to Damascus, Jesus struck him from his horse (that was more than just a slap on the face).  Saul was struck blind.  Then his whole world and how he saw things changed.  And (now) Paul, in rejecting all his focus on self, became a new man, the one he was created to be.

All of these many (and more) reflections on Scripture, all of which emphasize the letting go of self-love, have struck me.  I understand how I should be living and now resolve to be.  Yet … kind of like a slap in the face, I recently was shown that I need to work harder, and with more trust in Him.  Letting go of self-love is not a task I can do alone:

A good speech was given at the church’s men’s prayer breakfast I attended recently.  Afterwards, sitting with a friend, I complimented him on how well he was doing in a church ministry.  To my surprise, he took my hand and thanked me, telling me how depression causes him to question all he is doing.  We then spoke about the talk we had just heard, and how it seemed to say you need to let go and stop worrying about yourself by just asking every now and then: “am I doing this out of love?”  And just then, the speaker of the talk came to our table to thank us for attending.  We thanked him for his great talk, but …. Then I, having just been told how good I am, told the speaker that he could improve his talk by using some of the words I expressed to him.  He very politely thanked me for those thoughts, and then moved on. 

It was when I was driving home in my car that it occurred to me how much self-love I had just shown.  In effect I had said to that speaker: “Look at me and what I know.”  I think if I had been on a horse then Jesus would have knocked me off.  And I would have thanked Him.

Jesus has shown me many times how important it is to let go of self-love.  And I do remember that fact, it is in my head ---- but not yet my heart.  Loving is hard work.  It takes much resolve, and humility.  It is so easy to think I am right, or I am important, or I know a better way --- and you should listen to me.  You can still love someone if he is less intelligent than you, is less pretty, or has less money.  Those aren’t the reasons Jesus loved anyone.  Regardless, He just loved them to death.

 

What's in a Name

 

When I was a youngster and in school, the school had a dress code, and the boys were required to wear a white shirt and black tie every day.  Because it was the rule, we never thought much about it.  It “just was” what we had to do.  Looking back, I can see that rule had many benefits, among which was our lack of envy over what someone else was wearing --- or not wearing.  No one wore expensively rich clothes, or extremely poor clothes, to reflect their financial background.  It was one less thing for children to worry about in school. 

Envy is not considered a sin anymore by our culture; it is promoted like a virtue.  It is promoted as a way “to move you forward,” to encourage you to do better things, “like those rich people do.”  What is rarely spoken of, however, is that everyone is not able to move forward.  Many lack the intelligence, the looks, or the money to “do better things.”  And envy only creates sadness for some and their situation, a depression which is now so common in our culture.  And envy encourages further sinful actions to try to make happen what we lack the ability to virtuously make happen.  We lie, we cheat, we steal, to be like the others whom we envy. 

We can change our life situation.  I was taught as a youngster: you can have anything you want, if you just go out and work for it.  That “Protestant work ethic” as it was sometimes called, limited what I strove to achieve to what I knew I could achieve with my talents and abilities. 

I don’t recall that I ever had much envy of anyone else or their situation in life.  And in recent years I find that I expect even less for myself.  I am easily content with my life’s situation and, if anything, worry more about using my life as God would wish, and being the person He created me to be.  Recently, I was reminded of this situation when I took some clothes to be cleaned.

I spilled some juice on my sport coat on last week and so took the coat to the cleaners the next day --- but the stores I knew of were now closed, as were a couple of others I was aware of.  I called a friend who thought there was one at a particular intersection in town, and when I went there, I found “OK Cleaners”.  The “OK” on the sign seemed almost hand-written, and the small, plain store was run by an immigrant family.  In addition to my coat cleaning need, I also took some pants which needed shortening (I’m growing smaller in my old age.).  To my surprise, he said to put a pair on, “behind that curtain”.  And he pointed to a simple curtain there in front of the store.  There was no “changing room.”  I did so, and then he measured to determine what needed to be done.

I went back and picked up those clothes today, which were ready --- and reasonably priced.  I also took in my old winter coat for cleaning, since the worst of Michigan winter now appears over, and I had worn that coat every day of the winter.  He pointed to the frayed sleeve cuffs, and I said: “that’s okay.”  That’s just part of my not worrying about impressing anyone, but he nodded and still said “try it on please.”  I did, and he showed me that he could easily re-do the sleeve to hide the fraying, and I said to do so.

This morning, I was driving home from church, and I was stopped at the intersection where the OK Cleaners store stood, far back from the road, almost not visible.  I turned the corner and then, to my surprise, I saw another cleaning store only a block away.  This one was right on the road and named “Touch of Class” cleaning, and it had a fancy sign and advertised that it did custom cleaning.  Then I thought how the two stores now mirror what’s important in my life versus what is important in the culture.  One promotes a touch of class, so you will be envied.  The other just says we’ll make things okay. 

I just want to live a life that is not focused on self, not one to be envied.  I think that is what I was taught as I grew up, and our culture is now so far away from.  My name is Tom, nothing fancy about it, and in fact it is a name chosen in memory of someone else who was a saint, a rare person, and it is he who should be envied.  I am no saint. I am content to be just okay, if that is what God created me to be.      

Humble St. Peter

 

I read the reflections in the book The Better Part on the Gospel for the Friday after Easter.  The Gospel was John 21:1-14, about Jesus (after His Resurrection) appearing on the shore and calling out to Peter and others who had just spent the night fishing and caught nothing.  He said to cast their net over the side, which Peter did, and they caught a huge amount of fish.

The reflection on this Gospel notes that 3 years earlier, when Peter first met Jesus, a similar situation occurred, but not before Peter argued some with Jesus about their catching nothing.  This time, however, Peter just tossed the net out; it was a Peter who was much less prideful than the earlier one.  (It’s also the same Peter who had denied Jesus 3 times after he said he’d never do that.)  These reflections in The Better Part humbled me:

“Christ only asks one thing from us, our trust…. Humility is the hardest but most necessary lesson that every Christian apostle has to learn.  Many times, we wonder why God permits so many hardships and failures in our lives.  Many times he does so because it’s the only way we will learn that we are limited, that we are not God.  If we work hard and then throw our out nets wherever Christ tells us to, he will surely never leave us empty-handed.”

 

“Jesus: Begin again as many times as necessary….  Begin again in your efforts to follow me, to be like me, to build my Kingdom, in your attempts to repair broken relationships, to succeed where you have already failed, to form virtue where you have vice --- in all these things, you will need to begin again.  And though it may seem that you are starting from scratch each time, as it seemed to Peter, you’re not.  Each time you trust me after a failure, all the important virtues (humility, faith, hope, love) are stronger.

If ever you feel discouraged when you should just be dusting yourself off and beginning again, I can guarantee that your discouragement doesn’t come from me.  I came not to condemn, but to save.  My love for you doesn’t depend on your impeccability--- in fact, it doesn’t depend on anything.  My love for you is total, a waterfall that never stops flowing.  You can always begin again.”

 

“I have to be honest, Lord: humility is a mystery to me.  I keep thinking I’m humble, mainly because I see so many people who are more arrogant or vain than I am, but then you remind me that I’m not really humble yet.  Make me humble!  Give me the docility I need so that I can give you a chance to fill my nets with hundreds of fish!  Please do, Lord, all I long for is to be your faithful and fruitful apostle.

How can I help feeling discouraged?  Lord, I will never give in to discouragement again.  Maybe I can’t help feeling the emotion, but when I do, you will remind me that it doesn’t come from you, that with you I can always begin again, and that you can bring good even out of the worst failures, the worst evils.  Thy will be done, Lord; I trust in you ….” 

- - - - - - - - - -

I will be thinking and praying about those reflections for many days.  Peter was made head of Christ’s church on earth, despite all his failures and lack of humility.  But he didn’t give up; and he trusted in God.  How often when things are not going my way do I rant and rave, rather than trust?  “How can I help feeling discouraged?”  I will remember those words, and your promise.