I'm Sorry

Today we celebrate Divine Mercy Sunday in the Catholic Church.  On Easter Sunday Jesus rose from the dead and opened the gates of heaven for us.  One week later, we celebrate His Mercy, that despite our sins, He wants us with Him.

We are called to confess our sins and resolve to change our lives, that in doing so we may be fit to accept His invite into His Kingdom.  In the Gospels, Jesus often showed mercy, to the adulterous woman, to the tax collector, and even to Peter.  He is a God of justice, yes, but tempered with love and mercy.  It is fitting to set a day focused on His Mercy on us.  And in this time of pandemic, it is fitting to ask His Mercy on us, and on the whole world.

But, … the above prayers and reflections are focused on God and His relationship with me, certainly a most important thing as I strive to live His call to me, and to yearn for the heaven He did open for me.  But my life is not just about me.  And so, even as I celebrate His Mercy on me and pray for His Mercy on the world, I also pray that I might follow His example, that I might show unlimited mercy to those He puts into my life.  As I pray He acts, so I must be prepared to act.  Even as I pray “forgive us our trespasses,” I must complete the prayer “as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  It is said that that prayer, the one Jesus taught us, is the most important prayer we could ever pray, and so we must pray it most sincerely.

As I think of you, my friends, people God has put into my life, I consider our sins against each other.  If you know me at all, even if only through these blog postings, at some time --- perhaps even often --- I have failed you.  I’ve done things with a deliberateness which reflected my thoughts or feelings, without due consideration of your thoughts or feelings.  Perhaps I thought my words or actions were correct, were just even, but they were a justice not tempered by love or mercy.  My words and actions are often focused on me and my desires, even like my prayers for God’s Mercy today, but I shouldn’t forget the reason that I ask for God’s Mercy --- because I have sinned against Him, and in justice I deserve punishment, but I call on His love and mercy.  And so, today my friends, I ask your love and mercy, for I am sure that I have sinned against you, some day, some way, in my focus on myself.  And I ask your forgiveness and mercy.

And as for things you may have said or done against my wishes or feelings, I promise to try to never remember them.  I recognize that if you sin against me, you are not perfect, and I love you as you are.

Part of Divine Mercy Sunday is about forgetting the past and living in the now, confident of Christ’s love and Mercy, even in this time of worldwide, and personal trial.  My Jesus, I trust in You, and in Your Mercy.

Why I Don't Celebrate Diversity

Thanksgiving Day news articles this year included many pieces about our changed country.  Many quoted past Thanksgiving messages; many noted we don’t give thanks for those things anymore, but regret them.  Many noted that the image of a melting pot is gone; people don’t come here to join us, but to break our country from a union into one of many pieces.  “Celebrate the broken bottle on the floor!  Look at the many shining pieces!”, they seem to say.  But a broken bottle holds no nourishments anymore.  It was unity that made us strong, that made us different from the world, not diversity.  Celebrating diversity today seems to be celebrating that we can’t change from who we are, but my faith says I must grow in holiness, constantly changing.  Celebrating diversity says I must love the things different --- “different is good” --- but I love the things that make us all the same, valuable, God-created beings.  I accept that we are, each one of us, a unique human being, no two looking or thinking alike, yet all are the same and loved the same in God’s eyes, and I hope mine.

This morning I read two readings, which I’ll quote from below.  The apostle Jude writes how even in his day there were those who chose lust in all its forms, and said it was of God’s gift.  St. Jude says how they perverted God’s gift.  Meanwhile, Saint Augustine focuses on the trials of this life, temptations and sin are part of our world, our lives.  But through all our trials, St. Augustine reminds us: “God is faithful.”

Both Saints Jude and Augustine knew of sexual “diversity”.  It is not a new thing.  Running a red light, drinking too much, beating your wife, robbing a store, or killing others --- for some people these are strong inclinations, maybe even justified in their minds as good things, but these urges, they must be brought under control for the common good of society.  Last week a dear friend told me how her young teen-aged daughter was diagnosed with psychotic schizophrenia.  From the time of her birth she was the kindest, sweetest, most saintly girl I knew, and now?  And now her life will be controlled by drugs, to limit her mind’s urges.  Her parents and I don’t “celebrate” her difference; we’ll help her see the good we see in her, despite her differences.

We are, each one of us, a unique human being, like no other.  Some of us have differences beyond our control: the color of our skin, the body’s physical or mental differences, or the way we’ve come to think.  Those differences are ours to bear, to keep within limits, to enable us to bond to communities, to a country, to a church, to celebrate what we are together.  I have epilepsy; I don’t shout: “I am an epileptic!  Epileptics unite and fight for our rights!”  Epilepsy does not define who I am or all my thoughts, any more than a person with homo-sexual urges IS a homosexual first and foremost.  Certainly, his boss would not condone his acting out “who I am” in the workplace, nor would most people accept his acting out “who I am” on children.  His ACTIONS must be limited within the greater community.  And if there are people who so find their actions uncontrollable, so desirable, so “who I am and what I must do”, if they desire to promote with others their urgings, then society must either limit them forcibly, or set them aside in their groups --- not “celebrate” their actions.

I don’t hate anyone; I try not to judge anyone, nor do I wish others to judge me.  I celebrate the good thing I see; I don’t expect you to see things as I do, nor celebrate all I do.  Yet, by my actions, my attempts at loving my neighbor as he is (not only as he acts), I hope that you may wish to celebrate my actions with me, and not TELL ME how I must celebrate your actions.  I do not celebrate diversity.  Not all differences are a good thing, and only I, in my growth in holiness, can choose that which I deem worthy to celebrate.  I don’t wish another’s differences or mine to be the focus of our relationship, but rather the things we do and believe together.

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“Certain individuals have recently wormed their way into your midst, godless types, long ago destined for the condemnation I shall describe.  They pervert the gracious gift of our God to sexual excess and deny Jesus Christ, our only master and Lord.

… Sodom, Gomorrah, and the town thereabout indulged in lust, just as those angels did; they practiced unnatural vice.  They are set before us to dissuade us.  … They join your solemn feasts without shame and only look after themselves.

Remember, beloved, all of you, the prophetic words of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; how they kept telling you, “In the last days there will be imposters living by their godless passions.”  These sensualists, devoid of the Spirit, are causing divisions among you.  But you, beloved, grow strong in your holy faith through prayer in the Holy Spirit.  Persevere in God’s love, and welcome the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ which leads to life eternal.  Correct those who are confused; the others you must rescue.  Even with those you pity, be on your guard; abhor so much as their flesh-stained clothing.”

                        --- From a letter of the apostle Jude  (1-8, 12-13, 17-23)

“Let us sing alleluia here on earth, while we still live in anxiety, so that we may sing it one day in heaven in full security.  … Can you expect me not to feel anxious when there are so many temptations here below that prayer itself reminds us of them, when we say: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us?  Every day we make our petitions, every day we sin.  Do you want me to feel secure when I am daily asking pardon for my sins, and requesting help in time of trial?

Scripture does not say that he will not allow you to be tried, but that he will not allow you to be tried beyond your strength.  Whatever the trial, he will see you through it safely, and so enable you to endure.  You have entered upon a time of trial but you will come to no harm.  God’s help will bring you through it safely.  You are like a piece of pottery, shaped by instruction, fired by tribulation.  When you are put into the over therefore, keep your thoughts on the time when you will be taken out again: for God is faithful, and he will guard both your going in and your coming out.

                        --- From a sermon by Saint Augustine, bishop

My Purpose

A man in the crowd said to Him, “Master, tell my brother
to give me a share of our inheritance.”  “My friend,” He replied,
“who appointed Me your judge or the arbitrator of your claims?”
--Lk 12:13

My prayer time tonight (Saturday) began with thoughts of the world.  I let my mind wander to the temptations and sins of power, whether political or priestly, power over others.  The temptation to use that power for self is huge, to direct the lives of others to get what we want, not what they need (and sometimes what we want is sinful).  And I thought whoever can’t resist that temptation should resign from the position of power over others --- but then, I thought, who would be left?

The Gospel today (excerpt above), and reflections in The Better Part, brought my mind to a better track.  Jesus says “my friend”, and then says I’m not going to lead your life for you.  The “friend” asked for help, and Jesus said no, giving us an example of how we should lead our lives. 

“He directs all His words and actions to laying the foundations of His Eternal Kingdom.  We too are called to make the Eternal Kingdom our first priority … Was He just being polite by saying “friend”?  Maybe.  But maybe He was saying exactly what He meant: ‘I have come to be the true Friend and Savior of your soul, which doesn’t always include managing your bank account for you.  You can count on Me to give you light, guidance, and strength, and to walk with you along life’s path, but still you must walk.

Christ in My Life.  I get sidetracked too easily.  Sometimes I feel like the salvation of the whole world, the resolution of every conflict, the righting of every wrong is up to me.  But it’s not --- it’s up to You, Lord.  And You give me a share of Your work.  Help me to be serenely and energetically focused on my mission as You were on Yours.  Teach me to do Your will …”

Those reflections from The Better Part seemed a continuation of my thoughts of yesterday, on Peter’s words saying how we need to build a good spiritual foundation in our lives, and then use that foundation to go out into the world with affection and love, to better our spiritual lives and those of whom we meet.  A good spiritual foundation doesn’t set us up to “for their own good” take from others, or lead their lives.  Those are really just temptations to do things for ourselves, even as Satan fell to the temptation to try to be like God.  Living lives with affection and love is living Christ-like lives, for the benefit of others.  But, as this Gospel and reflections point out, it is not affection or love if we try to lead others’ lives.  They “must walk” and bear the responsibilities of their lives.

But what if they can’t?  There’s that temptation again: “But I can direct them to lead better lives” --- in my opinion.  And what if I have the power to do that; shouldn’t I?

I coordinate a caregiver’s support group meeting each month.  The question is often asked, especially by new members of the group, about how independent should I allow my mentally or physically ill loved one to be, versus taking control of their life.  And equally important is the question other attendees must ask themselves before they respond: “I’ve been a caregiver; I’ve walked in this person’s shoes; should I tell them ‘Here’s what you must do?’”  Over the years the group has come to a general consensus on how to relate to one another, and the question of controlling others’ lives.  That issue of controlling is such a temptation that there is a commandment about it.  The Fourth Commandment says to “Honor thy father and mother, that you may have eternal life.”  At a certain point, it is an obligation to take control of our parents’ lives, when they cannot, in honoring them and loving them.  Other commandments speak to loving God and neighbor, and limiting things we might want to do for ourselves, if we had the power to do so.  But none commands us to be as successful or rich as we can be, or as powerful, nor controlling.  I have reflected and written before about how the blessings of intelligence, money and beauty are also curses, in that they create great temptations to use those blessings to take control over others’ actions, to get what we want, to do “what I know is right”, to acting like God.

It certainly is not controlling someone else’s life, and feeding our sense of power, to stop them from walking off the edge of a cliff.  It IS controlling, however, to prevent them from walking out into the countryside, because of risks there, perhaps even cliffs.  And sometimes it may be hard to judge how close to the edge they are.  This Gospel and St. Peter’s words give us some targets and boundaries to reflect and pray upon, and ask:  Lord, what is Your will?  How should I love my neighbor?  What is my purpose?