The World Needs Love

I’ve written about this before, but of all the events of the world stuck in front of me, it seems like the largest point is the unwritten headline:  The world needs love, real love.

It seems like most people lead lives like following train tracks in front of them, they think they know where they are going, but THEY are not going anywhere; they are being led.

I was taught so much in my youth.  Acing the tests, I thought I KNEW so much, but I might as well have been taught 1 + 1 = 3.  I knew what I was taught, and was stupid, for I was not taught how to think.  Truth is truth, and if I memorized lies, it does not make them truths, regardless the scores on my tests. (And I fear many of our children are being taught great lies in our schools today.)

It was not a lie, but I was never taught a basic truth:  love is what I give, not what I get.  There are four words in Latin for what the English translates as “love”; they do not all mean the same thing.  Love --- as Jesus taught --- has only one of those four meanings; it is a love that if freely given from me to others:  Love God; Love Neighbor.  It is not about what I get --- which is the primary lesson our kids are taught in schools, whether it be the sex we desire, the goods we “deserve”, or even recognizing the desires of others and “in all equity” demanding things they desire for them.

I recently read yet another wonderful daily reflection from the book by Wilfrid Stinissen.  He wrote:

“Unity always begins in an inner core.  It starts in our family, in our community, in our workplace.  From there, it can spread like rings in the water.  To demonstrate against apartheid in South Africa carries little credibility, if you are headed toward divorce at home.  ‘Love your neighbor,’ says Jesus.  Begin at home.”

I thought about those words and recalled something I had recently read in the paper, as stated by one of the protestors for Black Lives Matter.  He said his young wife was at risk of the virus, but he had to participate in this protest.  The young man knew he was putting his frail wife’s life in danger, but participating in the protest rally was more important --- to him, and for him.  I am sure that man thinks he is showing love for persecuted black people, but as Stinissen explains, in his heart is foremost a love for himself: “I” have to do this, for what “I” feel when I participate.  That man knows so much, but is so stupid --- even as I was in my youth.

Certainly, many participate in these rallies out of love of neighbor, but I suspect more out of love of self, of what they “feel” when they participate, even as so many “feel” so good from pornography.  They don’t know the meaning of love, as it was meant to be lived.

It is said that without suffering, you don’t know love.  If love is about what I want and get, certainly I do not want suffering, but if love is about what I give, often I must sacrifice what I want so that I am able to give more.  It is what Jesus did on the cross; it’s what my dad did when he worked overtime to give me a much-desired present; it’s what a husband does for his wife when she wants something he doesn’t want to give; it’s what the widow did when she gave her last two coins at the temple.  It’s love.  Sometimes it hurts.  It is NOT about what we get, the feelings we desire, but in what we give.

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But what about love freely given to me; is it wrong for me to yearn for that?  But of course not, it is in our nature to want to be loved, but it is the same TRUE love we must be yearning for.  It’s in the mother’s pains of childbirth, as she receives the gift of life.  It’s in the acceptance of a physically imperfect child we are blessed with.  It’s in the corrections a parent gives to a child.  All those are acts of love, often difficult to feel or accept --- or understand --- by the beloved.  Accepting love, given in a way we do not seek is often as difficult as giving love in a way we do not want to do.

Yet, “If you do not love as I have loved, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Love is that difficult; love is that important.

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The Litany of Humility prayer begins with: “From the desire of being loved, deliver me, Jesus.”  So, is the Black Lives Matter protest wrong, people of race or color or creed or whatever group wanting to be loved?  No, wanting to be loved is innate to man.  The prayer is asking to be relieved of that desire as a priority; it is recognizing that what “we” want is often not the love Jesus preaches; that love is freely given.  It cannot be dictated by what we desire, which is why often when the government gets involved it turns “giving of love” into “giving of money,” but that isn’t love and it will never feel like it.

I read a large statement in the Wall Street Journal, written by a very important, very intelligent man.  He said “here’s what needs to be done.”  There were many good suggestions; many were money solutions.  But, I didn’t see anything which would change hearts.  It’s like the stimulus dollars recently given out by the government; it doesn’t eliminate the virus or its effects.

We can change hearts in schools and churches and prayer, together.  It is not dictated, no matter how much it is desired, but it can be taught, especially to the young.  Laws can support loving institutions, like marriage, child-bearing, and churches.  In a way, “hate crime” laws are an attempt to enforce the love that Jesus taught, but laws don’t change hearts, which is most important.  What the world needs is love.  I have no grand solutions, short of praying, together.

Words Unsaid; Lessons Unlearned

I’m not sure why my thoughts tonight turned to the evil taking root in our culture.  Perhaps it’s because you almost can’t avoid it; it’s spreading everywhere.  How can you ignore it?  I know that there is very little I can do to change things --- although prayer is a huge help --- yet I ponder:  How is this evil growth being fertilized today, and isn’t there some small new growth I can help start, some good I can begin amidst this mess?

As to how or when things took a firm turn for the worse in our culture, certainly I’d point to the philosophers of the Enlightenment, who felt they knew things that no one in history knew --- what pride!  Scientific advances build on prior science learnings, and scientists then build things never before seen; that’s scientific advancement.  But, the philosophers of the Enlightenment didn’t build on the past; they tore it up.  “Listen to me,” they proclaimed; “I am smarter than anyone ever,” they boasted.  And one of their key boastings was a philosophy directly contrary to the Two Great Commandments.  No, you should not primarily love God and neighbor, they said, first you should love yourself.  All those “Thou shalt nots” in the Commandments are in fact a rejection of the temptations of the world, temptations to focus on yourself, but the Enlightenment philosophers taught: “You SHOULD focus on yourself.”  And now, in our culture, we see this philosophy lived out everywhere.  In Washington we see “wise” congress people who can’t vote for anything they didn’t initiate; if they didn’t dot every “i” and cross every “t”, they can’t favor it.  They can’t compromise not getting what they want.  And in our churches, we see a watering down of the Commandments to give the people what they want. 

But, how do we, unwittingly, support this growing focus on self, this great “enlightenment” that we know better than the commandments?

Well, it is certainly being taught in public schools today, and we’re letting it happen.  From getting a prize for losing, advancing a grade despite not knowing the materials, and even having a right to choose your own sex or what clothes to wear as children, the culture there says that parents shouldn’t teach children, no, children should teach parents what they want --- and should have because they want it.

And here’s an area I think parents, mom and dad and even grandma and grandpa, have been infected by the culture.

Babies need love and care; their needing is natural; it is a need to be secure.  And as babies become children, good parents continue to provide not only needs but something else: children’s wants, but within limits.  It used to be that children were fed what was good for them, required to do things to learn responsibility, and given entertainment (and even love) “within limits,” and they were disciplined when their self-will led them astray.  Selfishness was not tolerated.  All these things are now rejected by the culture; these things which create mature, responsible adults, are rejected:  children should get what they want, the culture says, just like babies.  But here’s where the confusion comes in among parents:  babies don’t get what they want, but what they need.  And now as children, these former babies are not getting what they need to grow into responsible adults.  They are not learning the independence and wisdom they need to become responsible parents themselves --- and, they are also not learning how to have an intimate relationship with Jesus.  Even on Sunday, families no longer pray together.  If parents don’t teach children how to talk to Jesus, how can their children ever have an intimate relationship with Him as adults?

A major disruption has happened in society:  parents are creating children who don’t know how to become parents.  In not being able to give love to their children --- a love that sometimes hurts the parents to give because the children don’t want it (discipline) --- these parents are raising children who don’t know how to love, except a self-love which they think is right and proper.  They deserve to be loved because they want it, they think, and then are deeply confused as adults when they see that not everyone loves them.  They never learned how to love others, and then are totally surprised that no one knows how to love them.

The crisis of self-worth is causing the huge increase of suicides and depression in our society.  The conflict of “I want what I want” but I don’t want you allowed what you want is being played out everywhere.  Women want top jobs and respect, regardless if they earn it; their cries of male dominance imply men are holding back women better qualified then themselves (which may be true in some cases, but not because: all men are evil).  The same logic holds for ethnic groups and for poor people: “Why can’t we get what we want?  Don’t you love us?” 

Words unsaid by parents lead to lessons unlearned by children.  Jesus --- God Himself --- came to show us how to live a life with meaning and eternal happiness.  That happiness, He said, starts on earth, in loving God and neighbor.  And, He said, happiness doesn’t end here on earth, but grows into a happiness we can’t even imagine in eternity.  “But I want it” is not a reason for you to get it.  You have to learn how to get this earthly-limited happiness, and one of the greatest lessons you must learn --- you should have learned already --- is that everything you want is not good for you.  Your parents, sadly, should have taught you that.  It’s a lesson you should have learned early in life, and it becomes more difficult to learn as you grow older.

Suicides are up?  I shouldn’t wonder.  If you learn you should get everything you want to be happy in this life, and then find you can’t get everything you want --- therefore you can’t get the happiness you expect --- then what is there to live for?

At the beginning of this meditation I wondered if there was something I could do to help change this culture.  The problem is so embedded in our culture, where would you begin?  I noted, sadly, that learning the lesson that you shouldn’t have everything you want is a hard lesson to learn later in life.  It’s hard to unlearn what have become habits.

God put into my heart, and that of a few friends, a possible first step toward change:  He showed us some poor people who also had many wants, which we tried to fill.  But gradually God showed us, and them, that things wouldn’t make them happy.  One talked of suicide even as we gave her more things, and we gradually became aware that more than anything else, these people needed friends.  They led lonely lives.  And so, we’ve begun an effort to ask people: “Have you loved your neighbor this week?”  And we’ll put the faces of lonely people in front of them.  Citing the Second Great Commandment and asking them for a little of their most precious possession --- time --- we hope to convince (or shame) people into acting with love toward their neighbor, even if for only an hour a week.  Will this action turn into a lesson and begin to change their selfishness?  God only knows, but He started us on this small effort.

Words unsaid led to lessons unlearned.  In our effort, we will try to say the unsaid words, and then leave the rest to God.

Prayer helps, but we feel we’ve got to do something.

God wants His world back.  We have to help Him. 

He Said; She Said

In my business career I often was charged with negotiating an agreement with our competitors.  It was not unusual at some point to reach an issue where I KNEW factually it was black, and my competitor KNEW it was white.  We tried to convince each other of the facts of the matter, but sometimes still disagreed.  And at that point we looked to the bigger issue:  An agreement was needed, and so we agreed that the facts were grey.  That agreement sometimes cost our employer hundreds of millions of dollars, and on occasion our agreement was overruled by higher management --- which thought it knew better.  But we did our jobs.

Two people in focus in our nation disagree on facts.  For the country, I believe, they should come together and agree to disagree, to forgive each other for not being perfect, in memory or in actions.  They should agree to pray for each other, and the country.  Then they will have done their jobs for the bigger issues, of God and country.