Today (October 19) is the feast day of St Paul of the Cross, and so the priest began with: “Lord, help us to carry our crosses.”
My morning readings included one from Saint Augustine; I’ve read many of his words and usually admire the wisdom he speaks. This morning I read:
“You may still want to ask why the Apostle said: We do not know what it is right to pray for, because, surely, we cannot believe that either he or those to whom he wrote did not know the Lord’s Prayer.
He showed that he himself shared this uncertainty. Did he know what it was right to pray for when he was given a thorn in the flesh, an angel of Satan to bruise him, so that he might not be puffed up by the greatness of what was revealed to him? … In the kind of affliction, then, which can bring either good or ill, we do not know what it is right to pray for; yet, because it is difficult, troublesome and against the grain for us, weak as we are, we do what every human would do, we pray that it may be taken away from us. We owe, however, at least this much in our duty to God: if he does not take it away, we must not imagine that we are being forgotten by him but, because of our loving endurance of evil, must await greater blessings in its place. In this way, power shines forth more perfectly in weakness. These words are written to prevent us from having too great an opinion of ourselves in asking for something that it would be better not to receive, and to prevent us from being dejected, and distrustful of God’s mercy toward us, if our prayer is not granted.
Therefore, if something happens that we did not pray for, we must have no doubt at all that what God wants is more expedient than what we wanted ourselves. Our great Mediator gave us an example of this. After he had said: Father, if it is possible, let this cup be taken away from me, he added, yet not what I will, but what you will, Father, transforming the human will that was his through his taking a human nature. As a consequence, and rightly so, through the obedience of one man the many are made righteous.
I need reflections like these, reminders ---- often! I do always try to pray for God’s will in a situation, and try to minimize my prayers for a specific outcome, rather try to mention a concern, but then just trust in His will, His outcome, as being better than outcomes I might pray for. If Jesus could see a terrible, painful future ahead and pray that it would not happen, but … Thy will be done … surely, I can do the same for the much lesser disasters I might wish to avoid. But still, it’s hard.
I pray the humility prayer each day, asking:
From
the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus
From the desire of
being honored, Deliver me, Jesus
From the desire of
being approved, Deliver me, Jesus
From the fear of
being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus
From the fear of
being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus
That others may be
esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it
That others may be
praised and I unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may
become holier than I, provided that I may
become as holy as I should,
Jesus,
grant me the grace to desire it.
I’ve reflected before how it is a great blessing --- and curse --- to be blessed with good looks, money, or intelligence. People with these blessings become used to being respected, and come to perceive they are right to be respected, in all their ways of thinking and acting. But they’re not. The humility prayer is meant for everyone, but, I think, especially for them. They are the movie stars, the billionaires, or the politicians who can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t agree with them, a fact emphasized by all the attention given them. Believing in their importance, when challenged, they loudly respond: “Who do you think you are?” But there are some not given the attention, yet they are still used to and crave the attention, and the acceptance, of whatever they think important. We’re all that way to some degree; it’s called the sin of Pride.
I went to my subdivision Homeowners Association meeting last night. A half dozen men and women, unpaid volunteers, serve on a board to look out for our interests. I was going to suggest that perhaps they form some volunteer groups of people to seek out those in need in our community, the elderly living alone, the weak or frail, or the poor, who obviously need help maintaining their home --- mowing, shoveling, painting, or whatever. We could form a group of neighbors helping neighbors; it seemed like an obviously good idea. All the other people attending the meeting had other priorities, however, from fixing the streets to maintaining the parks to telling the neighbors to not put out their garbage days early. Oh, there were many good practical things being addressed, like the influx of rats disturbed from the nearby highway construction. In a way I felt sorry for the volunteer board members, so much was being asked of them --- yet I served on many a charity board in my life, and knew of their dedication. When a minor problem of fallen trees was brought up and discussion turned to who to hire to remove them, I finally spoke: “In our large subdivision, isn’t there anyone with a chain saw who might volunteer to remove the trees?” And a couple of people in the room spoke up and said they’d volunteer for such actions. A seed was planted; it was enough for me. I didn’t have to get my way, my ideas, spoken or accepted. I think I’ll secretly suggest that the next meeting of that volunteer board be over dinner at a restaurant, on me. Loving our neighbor takes many forms.
The Proposal 3 coming up for a vote in Michigan is a great evil, in my thinking and that of all churches that I am aware of. I think that if people just knew all the evils which would follow from adoption of that proposal, they surely could not vote for it, and would make huge efforts to ensure its failure. But not everyone thinks as I do, or as Christian churches do. I was recently reminded of how different races and different cultures form different worldviews, different ways of thinking about the same facts. That doesn’t make the people who think differently inherently evil. We need to sow seeds when we think people’s minds need to be changed, but trust in God to change hearts --- or, that His will, contrary to ours, be done. We need to trust in Him, and say Thy will, not mine be done. My will and my way of thinking may be wrong, even if I can’t see how.
