Getting Right With God

 

I went to morning mass at 8, intending to rush home for a 9AM Zoom meeting.  Before mass, however, I noticed that the priest went to the confessional room and heard a couple of confessions, including one of a friend.  Then, during mass, I happened to glance toward the confessional room, and saw one man in line.  Usually there were at least a half dozen, or many more.  Oh well, I had no great sins to confess at this time, and I had to get home.  (Why was I looking over there?)

Some noise in the church caught my attention, and I recalled suddenly how talking in church had been bothering me of late, people often talking before or after mass, totally ignoring that this was the house of God, and He was present right there in the tabernacle right before them.  This IS the House of God.  And I realized my anger at my neighbor is not right, I was judging him, but it was not me that He was offending.  And I glanced again at the one man in the confession line.  After the Our Father was said during mass, there still was that single man in line, so I walked across church in front of many there to the confession line, to be number 2 in line.  And within only a minute or two there were a half dozen behind me in line.  Immediately after mass, a second priest arrived and both began hearing confessions, so I went in without any wait, confessed my sins of anger, resolved to change, and arrived home right at the start of the Zoom meeting.  Thoughts of what happened at church were in the back of my mind.

The meeting was a study of St. Francis de Sales’ book titled Introduction to the Devout Life.  After opening announcements, the meeting leader began reading from the book where we had left off two weeks ago.  She began reading from Page 106 of the book, and the first sentence she read was: “Be careful also to mention (in confession) those details which explain the nature of your fault, such as the cause which excited your anger.”

You know I don’t believe in coincidences.  I didn’t focus on much of the rest of the meeting.

While I had been sitting in the church, I had thought that I had no compelling reason to go to confession --- from my point of view.  No sins of any consequence came to mind.  But I now realize that confession, in many ways, is not about me or for me.  It is for God.  He wishes a close relationship with us, and our confession makes that possible.  It gets sins in their proper perspective.  Sins are offenses against God, and therefore it is HE, not us, who decides what is sinful, what needs to be confessed.  Confession is, to be blunt, an apology to God.  If we want to maintain friendships here on earth, when we offend someone, we need to apologize.  Saying to ourselves: “He’ll get over it, or it’s not that important” will not restore a friendship.  So if we defer or avoid confession to do other “more important” things, even good things, we must ask ourselves the question:  Is this thing more important than having a relationship with God; is it more important than making Him happy with me?

I know there are some who avoid confession because they don’t want to be telling their sins to a priest.  He’s not.  In the confessional, he is persona Christi, in the role of Christ.  He is not hearing your sins any more than water is washing your soul in Baptism.  Those are outward signs to make us poor humans aware of, and reinforce In our minds, what is actually going on.  Confessing to the priest is confessing to God.  It’s personal.  And sometimes the response you get to your words helps make your sins more real to you, and so you try to avoid them; you try to avoid offending God.  You really are sorry.  Saying “God forgive me” while you’re driving to work is no more serious a confession for you, than it is for God.  It’s you saying to God “it’s no big deal; get over it.”  But it is God who defines sin, and its seriousness.  He is the one who sin offends, not us.

And sometimes, like this morning, He reminds us that we do need to say we are sorry for offending Him.  God defines what is sin, not us.  And He’s waiting to say “You’re forgiven”, if we say we’re sorry in our confession.

 

Patience

It was a beautiful Sunday morning as I drove home rom church.  The sun shone brightly through the trees, and sparkles reflected off the snow, and …

I SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES AND BRACED FOR THE COLLISION!

I think the events began on Friday.  Vince called in need of money (again), NOW, despite the fact that he was coming to work for me the very next day.  I was running around Friday, so I left him money on the porch, which he arranged to pick up.  The next day, Saturday morning, I felt an overwhelming urge to go to confession, although I wasn’t sure why.  So, I went to the church at confession time and sat off to the side, asking God to open my heart.  And in my readings and contemplations, I saw His heart.

“In proposing for our belief truths which we cannot understand, faith teaches us that instead of depending upon our own manner of reasoning and understanding, we ought rather to place our intellect in emptiness --- in order to unite ourselves to God… applying ourselves solely to what concerns God and His service.  We must love much.

Struggles, difficulties proceeding, failure of works that were cherished, physical and spiritual solitude --- these are some of the sufferings which are in the life of every man.  We must understand that all such things are positively willed or at least permitted by God precisely to purify us even to the fibers of our being.  We must never stop to examine whether or not they are just; we must see only the blessed hand of God.  It behooves the soul, then, to have patience and constancy in all tribulations and trials which God sends it.

The soul of faith sees in every person a messenger from our Lord.  It bows its head and accepts all humbly --- This must be our conduct, if we wish to draw profit from all the trials God places in our path.  We must keep ourselves from posing as a victim, from our complaining.  Let us be persuaded that all serves greatly for our spiritual progress, because before attaining to union with God, it is necessary to be reduced to nothingness, that is, to be established in profoundest humility…”
                                    -- Divine Intimacy

“Repent with your whole heart, to save yourselves and find life.  If we do this, we shall set an example for all young people, for whom the glory and goodness of God is a challenge.

Let me say also that when we are given a warning and corrected for doing something wrong, we should not be so foolish as to take offense and be angry.”
                                    -- St, Augustine

“The Spirit of God by far transcends my human intelligence.  I will see some things clearly; others will remain obscure.  The main task for my intellect henceforth will be to submit to the Spirit.”
                                    --  Adrienne Von Speyr, Water and Spirit

All those words I read while waiting to confess led me to see that often I was not listening to the words of the Spirit provided me, and even if I heard them, I acted on them in MY way, not seeking His way.  And at the crux of it all was not being patient and sometimes getting angry over events beyond my control.  And these things I confessed.  And I also thought to confess my judgement of Vince, my resentments of how he has lived, and that I can’t change him --- or be patient for God to do so.  I felt it a good Confession, and a level of confidence that I had perceived the reason for my perceived needing to meditate on my sins, which God showed me.  But that wasn’t enough.

On Saturday afternoon I picked up Vince and he put up my Christmas lights outside --- and asked for a few more dollars, which I readily offered.  I felt a contentment, and later my Saturday evening adoration time was peaceful.

But Sunday morning I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket during mass (as I promised a friend, I never turn it off anymore).  I glanced at the phone ---- something I never do during mass ---- and saw that it was Vince.  Again!  I forced myself to put thoughts of him out of my mind.  As the mass ended and the recessional hymn began, the very large family in front of me began to fuss, with the kids arguing and whining and crying, and I thought it a good time to leave church a bit early --- something I never do.

Being the first out of the parking lot, my thoughts went to Vince’s call.  He left no message.  Should I just whine my feelings when I call him back?  Should I call him back?  Should I say: No!  Enough!  Should I set some conditions for giving him further money?  “You have time to call me on a Sunday morning, they you have time to go to church!  Maybe they can offer you help.”  Or maybe I should tell him …

I SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES AND BRACED FOR THE COLLISION!

… My brain was on thoughts of Vince but my eyes perceived fast movement from my left.  Even as I was skidding, the deer raced right in front of my car.  With its quick passing, I felt my foot began to reflexively ease from the brake, when I again caught movement, and the baby deer veered to just miss the front of my vehicle as I watch it, wide-eyed with fear, chasing its mother.  And my next instinct was to glance up to the mirror, but there was no one behind me.  There would be no collision.  I relaxed a moment as I glanced at the books and papers which had flown to the floor of the car in my panic stop.

And then I recalled the lesson God had previously taught me: When I see that my way, my plans, are thwarted, I need to look to Him and ask: Do you have other plans for me, Lord?  Is there something I should be thinking or doing now?  And I recalled that God has also taught me that: There are no coincidences.  And so, I thought of Vince’s unexpected call during mass, my leaving mass early, and the near collision.  Yes, God got my attention with these “coincidences”.  And then I recalled what I had been thinking only moments before --- and I also recalled what I had been thinking Friday and Saturday, and how I had confessed my impatience, specifically in matters relating to Vince.  I vowed to repent and change --- until he called again.  How soon I forgot; how weak was my “firm resolve” to amend my life.  How dramatically God had to remind me.  And I said a prayer of thanks.

At least for a while, I will remember that there are no coincidences, and that all the trials and inconveniences I so easily worry about have a reason.  I need to trust.  I need to not be angry.  I need to be patient --- or I might find myself a REAL patient, if I cannot avoid some future accident. 

There is more to this story, as Tuesday I again won the Lottery, the exact amount Vince was asking “to borrow”, since he knows I will be out of town next week.  I don’t question these “coincidences.”  Friends think I am just being taken advantage of; I wish they could hear the Kimberly Hahn talk I wrote of here, about how all we have is not ours, but merely a gift of God’s which we take care of.  Like the parable of the talents, when we meet the Master there will be some accounting of how well we used these talents.  How can anyone be taking advantage of me, if God asks me to give some of HIS talents to a person HE puts in my path.  Nothing in this life is mine; I’ll take nothing with me when I leave, but the lessons learned in my heart.  Confession, resolve to change, seeing the will of God --- all good things, but we must constantly be using the events of our lives to be changing our hearts to be more like His, or it is all for nothing.    

Repent! Means Change!

The morning sermon reminded me that the Jewish word for “repent” means “change”.  It means don’t say something, “I’m sorry,” but do something.

When a Catholic person goes to Confession, he is required to repent of his sins.  He doesn’t just recite his sins to the priest and say “I’m sorry.”  No, he must say/make an Act of Contrition.  That prayer says “I am heartily sorry for my sins” but also: I firmly resolve to change, “to amend my life.”

John the Baptist preached a Baptism of repentance, sorrow for sins and change.  Jesus came to show a Baptism of change:  He showed us how to love.  There are very few sins (if any) which are not rooted in our doing something for ourselves, self-love.  “Change,” as Jesus spoke, said: “Love others,” not yourself.  Repentance that Jesus spoke of was to change your focus, from yourself to God, to others.  It is a big change to make, one that truly takes a lifetime of effort.  And confessions.

Yesterday was Friday.  It was the day on which Jesus repented for our sins; He chose a most difficult change.  He chose to die for us.  We need to choose to die to ourselves, and our selfish actions.

It was a short sermon.  To me, it said a lot.