Humble St. Peter

 

I read the reflections in the book The Better Part on the Gospel for the Friday after Easter.  The Gospel was John 21:1-14, about Jesus (after His Resurrection) appearing on the shore and calling out to Peter and others who had just spent the night fishing and caught nothing.  He said to cast their net over the side, which Peter did, and they caught a huge amount of fish.

The reflection on this Gospel notes that 3 years earlier, when Peter first met Jesus, a similar situation occurred, but not before Peter argued some with Jesus about their catching nothing.  This time, however, Peter just tossed the net out; it was a Peter who was much less prideful than the earlier one.  (It’s also the same Peter who had denied Jesus 3 times after he said he’d never do that.)  These reflections in The Better Part humbled me:

“Christ only asks one thing from us, our trust…. Humility is the hardest but most necessary lesson that every Christian apostle has to learn.  Many times, we wonder why God permits so many hardships and failures in our lives.  Many times he does so because it’s the only way we will learn that we are limited, that we are not God.  If we work hard and then throw our out nets wherever Christ tells us to, he will surely never leave us empty-handed.”

 

“Jesus: Begin again as many times as necessary….  Begin again in your efforts to follow me, to be like me, to build my Kingdom, in your attempts to repair broken relationships, to succeed where you have already failed, to form virtue where you have vice --- in all these things, you will need to begin again.  And though it may seem that you are starting from scratch each time, as it seemed to Peter, you’re not.  Each time you trust me after a failure, all the important virtues (humility, faith, hope, love) are stronger.

If ever you feel discouraged when you should just be dusting yourself off and beginning again, I can guarantee that your discouragement doesn’t come from me.  I came not to condemn, but to save.  My love for you doesn’t depend on your impeccability--- in fact, it doesn’t depend on anything.  My love for you is total, a waterfall that never stops flowing.  You can always begin again.”

 

“I have to be honest, Lord: humility is a mystery to me.  I keep thinking I’m humble, mainly because I see so many people who are more arrogant or vain than I am, but then you remind me that I’m not really humble yet.  Make me humble!  Give me the docility I need so that I can give you a chance to fill my nets with hundreds of fish!  Please do, Lord, all I long for is to be your faithful and fruitful apostle.

How can I help feeling discouraged?  Lord, I will never give in to discouragement again.  Maybe I can’t help feeling the emotion, but when I do, you will remind me that it doesn’t come from you, that with you I can always begin again, and that you can bring good even out of the worst failures, the worst evils.  Thy will be done, Lord; I trust in you ….” 

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I will be thinking and praying about those reflections for many days.  Peter was made head of Christ’s church on earth, despite all his failures and lack of humility.  But he didn’t give up; and he trusted in God.  How often when things are not going my way do I rant and rave, rather than trust?  “How can I help feeling discouraged?”  I will remember those words, and your promise.

You Can Start Over

The gospel today is John 21:1-14, where the risen Jesus tells Peter, after a night of catching nothing, Throw the net out the starboard and you’ll find something.  “So they dropped the net and there were so many fish they could not haul it in.”  The meditations I read on this gospel (#302 from The Better Part) noted what had happened three years earlier (Lk 5:1-11) in a similar situation.  Then Jesus had also asked Peter to put out his net, but Peter resisted: “Master, we worked hard all night long and caught nothing.”  Then the meditations I was reading continued:

“Christ only asks one thing from us: our trust.  If we trust him he will fill our nets.  If we trust him we will have everything we need to fulfill our life’s mission.  During Christ’s passion, Peter had wavered in his trust, now Jesus gives him a chance to renew it.  And Peter is ready to trust more, because he has experienced his own weakness and so has grown in humility.

Humility is the hardest but most necessary lesson that every Christian apostle has to learn.  Many times, we wonder why God permits so many hardships and failures in our lives.  Many times he does so because it’s the only way we will learn that we are limited, that we are not God.  Substantial humility is the habitual and joyful awareness that we are utterly dependent on God for all things, from the most sublime to the most mundane.  If we work hard doing all we can and then throw out our nets wherever Christ tells us to, he will surely never leave us empty-handed.

Jesus:  Begin again, as many times as necessary.   With me, you can always begin again.  The world doesn’t let you do this.  Other people often don’t let you.  With them, once you fail, it’s over.  But with me, you can always begin again. Peter needed to begin again.  How much this pleased me!  Begin again in your efforts to follow me, to be like me, to build my Kingdom, in your attempts to repair broken relationships, to succeed where you have already failed, to form virtue where you have vice --- in all these things you will need to begin again a thousand times.  And though it may seem that you are starting from scratch each time, as it seemed to Peter, you’re not.  Each time you look at me, each time you hear my voice, each time you trust me after a failure, all the important virtues, humility, faith, hope, love, are stronger.

If ever you feel discouraged when you should just be dusting yourself off and beginning again, I can guarantee that your discouragement doesn’t come from me.  I came not to condemn, but to save.  My love for you doesn’t depend on your impeccability --- in fact, it doesn’t depend on anything.  My love for you is total, a waterfall that never stops flowing.  You can always begin again.

Prayer:  I have to be honest, Lord, humility is a mystery to me.  I keep thinking I’m humble, mainly because I see so many people who are more arrogant or vain than I am, but then you remind me that I’m not really humble yet.  Make me humble!  Give me the docility I need so that I can give you a chance to fill my nets with hundreds of fish!  Please do, Lord; all I long for is to be your faithful and fruitful apostle.

How can I help feeling discouraged?  Lord, I will never give in to discouragement again.  Maybe I can’t help feeling the emotion, but when I do, you will remind me that it doesn’t come from you, that with you I can always begin again, and that you can bring good even out of the worst failures, the worst evils.  Thy will be done, Lord; I trust in you.”

I perceive in my own reflections that this time in the world is an opportunity for us to grow in humility.  All of mankind’s knowledge, all of our knowledge, and where are we at?  We sit with empty nets.  Jesus taught us the ways to reach eternal life, but we are so focused on this life.  And for all our focus, where are we at?  Empty nets.

Yesterday I reflected on my Joyous Rosary Mysteries, how Jesus is asking for us to listen for His will, and our resolve to do it, no matter how hard.  Perhaps if we pray, if we listen, He’ll tell us --- again --- where to toss our nets anew.

You can start over.  Only remember this: Jesus wasn’t giving Peter a net full of fish to sell for a bunch of money.  He was reminding him, he --- and we --- are to be fishers of men.  Our lives should not just be focused on earthly success.  Jesus showed us the road to eternal success.  He DID say it is a hard road to follow, but He also reminds us here:  you can start over.

He is giving us this time for a reason.  Think on it.  Pray on it.

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A few days ago my grass was green and growing long, my daffodils and hyacinths were blooming everywhere.  My trees were full of buds, and my magnolia out front was full of large buds waiting to open.

Now I look out my kitchen window as I type this, the heavy snow is falling, and sits about a half inch deep on the deck.  No green to be seen there, no flowers, no buds.  I guess nature will have to start over.

God in All This

I resolved to self-quarantine over a week ago, as I wrote here.  Yet today I broke that resolve.  I called a woman I know, who was celebrating her 84^th birthday today, only to hear she was celebrating it alone.  I know this woman; this woman is a wonderful person God put in my life.  Without hesitation I tossed aside my resolve and said: “Well, I’m coming over for dinner.  What can I make?”  And I proceeded to make her favorite dish; I had all the ingredients.  After dinner at her house, she wanted to show me pictures and play games; it was impossible to keep any distance, and thoughts about contagion flicked in the back of my mind.  When I finally left, I came home and cleaned thoroughly, changing clothes.  And I went to the adoration chapel to say my night prayers --- the one thing I resolved to still do, despite my quarantine.  Yet, for the first time I can ever recall, at this late hour, someone else was there in the small chapel.  So, I went home, to pray my night prayers alone in my home, not His.  It’s been many years since I didn’t end my night in His house, but as I prayed, I felt Him telling me that I WAS in His house, when I visited that woman.

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Earlier this afternoon, as I was preparing the carry-out dinner at my house, a friend called.  She and I had worked to develop the PORCH program --- Providing Others Renewed Confidence and Hope --- in our community.  A couple of years back God put a woman in need in my path and said “You need to help her,” and that was the beginning of a journey which led to PORCH, which matches lonely people in our community with neighbors who want to love them.  The program is only a couple of months old, but is running extremely well, although we are making adjustments as we learn new things, with the intent to roll all the details out to other communities by the end of the year ---- or, that was our plan.  My friend called to tell me that she had been in on a state-wide video conference call, to discuss steps which might be taken to reach the elderly who might be at risk of the Corona virus, to determine if they were well, and had any needs.  The conference encouraged text comments and questions to the presentation, and my friend texted what we had begun in our community with PORCH.  And she told me that as a result, we won’t be waiting until the end of the year to roll out our program; the response to her text was immediate from many other communities:  What are you doing?  How did you set it up?  Can we get details so we can do the same to reach our seniors? 

It’s funny how God works, isn’t it?  He told me “You need to help her,” and we began something two years ago which rolled on way beyond our plans, or control.  It’s always obvious to my friend and I Who is in control of this program.  And we give Him thanks.  What we began two years ago was planning for what is happening now.  If we had known God’s plan for this, we certainly would have gone about things differently, and likely screwed them up.  As it is, He’s in control.  No problem.

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And another place where God is, is in our prayers.  He speaks to us.  Tonight, as I prayed my night prayers at home, I heard Him speaking clearly, as I read some of the meditations:

“There is no difficulty in our lives for which God does not know the solution.  From all eternity He has foreseen it and has the remedy for each case, no matter how complicated the situation may be.  However, sometimes in difficult circumstances He seems to leave us alone as if the outcome were to depend on us, but He does this only to test us.  He wants us to measure our strength against the difficulty --- which makes us more aware of our weakness and insufficiency --- and He wants us also to exercise our faith and our confidence in Him.  The Lord never really abandons us unless we forsake Him first.  He only hides Himself and covers His actions with a dark veil.  This is the time to believe, to believe firmly, and to wait with humble patience and complete confidence.”

--- Divine Intimacy, Meditation 119

“Christ:  If only you could understand how brief this earthly life is!  Time is so short.  Eternity is always at your side.  Everything that happens to you now, every opportunity I send you, every invitation I give you, is a chance for you to expand the capacity of your soul to love by exercising self-forgetfulness and self-giving.  And the more you expand that capacity, the more I will be able to fill you with the light of my glory when you come home to my Father’s house.  Think more about this.  Work for my kingdom as if you had little time left to do so, because the truth is that you do have little time left, so little time!”

                                               

                                                --- The Better Part, Meditation 268