Seeing With The Heart

 

It’s Holy Week, and I will spend more time with Jesus, to understand more what He did, and why.  It’s not just reading words about what He did but seeing it in my heart.  To know more what He did and why, is to know HIM more.

Last week, I had noticed in the chapel cupola these words encircling the ceiling: “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain.”  The word “slain” jumped out at me at first, because I knew that people died, even willingly, but someone who is slain died wrongly; some law has been broken.  Lambs are butchered, but that word wasn’t used either, because it would infer that Lamb of God to be just another animal.  He’s way more than that. 

Today, I noticed the word “Who”.  In my brain I had perceived “The lamb which was slain.”  A lamb is an animal, a thing which had something happen to it, but a “Who” is a person, not a thing. That phrase, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain”, which is written above the crucifix on the wall and the Sacred Host on the altar, now helps me see these two with a much deeper understanding --- in my heart. He chose to permit both those awesome events, an awesome God beyond understanding choosing to show His humility beyond understanding, dying and then remaining with us always.  I think the word “LOVE”, as beyond the understanding of Peter and the apostles, explains that humility.

 

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Reading the Gospels this Holy Week, and the reflections in The Better Part (by Fr. Bartunek), I’m also getting some “aha” moments.  Seeing new depth of meaning in the words of the Gospel helps me understand the events which happened better, like when Judas was at the Last Supper table.  In John 13 it says “At that instant, after Judas had taken the (dipped) bread, Satan entered him. … As soon as Judas had taken the piece of bread he went out.  Night had fallen.”  I thought I understood what that last sentence meant: it was evening, and time for the meal to continue and then for Jesus to head to the garden.  Fr. Bartunek wrote in his commentary, however, that Jesus is the Light of the World.  When Satan enters Judas, night had fallen; the light of Jesus had gone out of him.

These and other commentaries give me much to reflect on this Holy Week, about what happened, and why.  I’ll think about those things as I watch my three favorite Holy Week movies, and I take down my Christmas tree and decorations.  Soon it will be time to celebrate Jesus’ re-birth at Easter, seeing that miracle with my heart. 

What Does It All Mean?

 

As I left the men’s prayer breakfast meeting early this morning, the Eastern sky was ablaze with beauty, and I gasped as I saw the awesomeness of God.  And then I thought: the God who created this awesome magnificence is actually way, way greater than this.  His beauty is such that I can’t even begin to imagine.

And then I came down to earth; and I thought: He chose to become a little, poor and homeless baby here on earth.  And despite being an eternal life, He chose to die, and suffer greatly, in His human life.  From all that magnificence to all that, well, that nothingness, and I asked myself: Why?  I know all the faith-filled answers to that question, but head knowledge and heart knowledge are two different ways of “knowing”, as I recently discussed.

Yesterday, I participated in a Dr. Lilles-led class discussion of the book: I Want to See God.  The title of that book mirrors what I just wrote about, what I want versus the awesomeness of God. We were in the chapters on Supernatural Wisdom, and Mystical Life and Contemplation.  The book walks you through St. Theresa of Avila’s Interion Mansions, and St. John of the Cross’ Mountain of Spiritual Growth.  We are not even halfway along these paths in the book and yet we have come to a point of awareness that, like the awesomeness of the sunrise, further growth in closeness to God is not something we are in control of (regardless of what “I Want”).  “Letting go and let God” seems to apply, because He does want us to draw closer, and wants to make it happen.  That “letting go”, however, is hard for most people, who of course ask: why?  We want to understand, with our pea brains, everything.  But God and the reason for His actions are beyond our human understanding.  I am aware of the concept of “agape” love, a total self-giving love, of all I am and have, to God and neighbor. The Bible uses that word to describe the love that Jesus had.  That love does not put “self” as a priority.  Understanding that concept versus living it, however, are somethings hard to understand themselves.  Needless to say any further, these class discussions are very awesome in their own way.

And it was after I had all these above thoughts that I began to read my Morning Prayer, which started with the Opening Hymn:

When morning fills the sky,
Our hearts awaking cry:
May Jesus Christ be praised.
In all our works and prayer
His sacrifice we share;
May Jesus Christ be praised.
The night becomes as day,
When from our hearts we say:
May Jesus Christ be praised.
The powers of darkness fear
When this glad song they hear:
May Jesus Christ be praised.

In heav’n our joy will be
To sing eternally:
May Jesus Christ be praised.
Let earth and sea and sky
From depth to height reply:
May Jesus Christ be praised,
Let all the earth now sing
To our eternal King:
May Jesus Christ be praised.
By this eternal song,
Through ages all along,
May Jesus Christ be praised.

 

And only a short while later I read perhaps an answer to my “why.”

Jesus was to die … to gather God’s scattered children into one fold.
(John 11:51,52)

 

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And as I write this at noon, it is pouring rain outside.  Did God, in His love for me, show me that sunrise?  Who knows; His ways are awesome.

 

Holy Week Plans

 

I fell out of bed this morning while reaching for the alarm.  I bruised my arm against the nightstand, and thanked God it wasn’t worse.  It could have been my head.  And then I had thoughts about why that happened, and I recalled a Bible Study I participated in this week which asked “why” concerning actions Jesus did or said.  That question, or rather its answer, gave deep meaning to the Gospels.

As I readied to go to mass this morning, I recalled that next week is Palm Sunday, then Holy Week, the week of Christ’s Passion, and then the Resurrection on Easter Sunday in 2 weeks.  I recalled the three movies I watch during Holy Week, and how I saw them related to Jesus’ Passion, and then I suddenly thought: Why?  And I recalled the movie themes, and specific scenes, which answer that question about what Jesus did, and what those themes and scenes should trigger us to do.

I think in recent years I have just watched those movies, not letting the depth of meaning pierce my soul.  Perhaps this year should be different.  I could easily come up with some thought-provoking summaries and questions about each movie.  But who would I watch these movies with and discuss their meanings?  Hmmmm.  I wonder if the adoration chapel is available on Holy Saturday.

The Passion, Saving Private Ryan, I Am David.