The Conversion of Paul

 I belong to a group called Apostoliae Viae, the Apostles of the Way.  At the first reading this morning at mass, I heard the followers of Jesus being described as those following The Way.  That caught my attention.  Those of The Way were following Him, seeking to know who He really is, and to grow to be like Him.  That is what members of Apostoliae Viae do.  Apostoliae Viae is one of the ministries under the Avila Institute, which includes SpiritualDirection.com, which exists to help people discern God’s calling for them, to help them be who they were created to be.

This morning was the Feast Day of The Conversion of St. Paul, the Apostle (perhaps misnamed, since it is really the conversion of Saul).  Regardless, at mass the Monsignor spoke of the Virtue of Docility (which I didn’t even know WAS a virtue!)  He defined docility as the ability to receive, to become, to grow deeper with God’s grace.  He said docility was the capability to be taught (I guess that also means you aren’t so focused on YOUR WAY that you close your ears to any other).  This so much sounds like my recent reflections on what it means to be a disciple, to BECOME like the innermost being of the teacher.

Saul’s small crack of docility allowed God’s grace to heal him from who he had chosen to be.  The work of the virtue of docility is to learn, to receive, and then let that enable us to change.  Learn who we are, to let God’s grace work in us.  We can enter into God’s grace if we are docile, and we can change.  Look what happened to St. Paul when he changed.

And then I turned from the monsignor speaking and looked at the large crucifix hanging over the altar, and there on the wall behind it I read the words: I THIRST FOR YOU.

Those words mean more to me each day.  It’s why He wants us to change.

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Adam and Eve chose the apple, choosing not to be as God created them to be.  They didn’t trust Him anymore, and were sent out of Eden.  We’ve been trying to re-build that relationship ever since, and we’ve failed.  So, God sent His Son.

At mass this morning, after the elevation of the Body and Blood of Jesus, we sang a short hymn, ending with the words “for by Your cross and resurrection, You have set us free.”  And I thought of the Rescue Project now being run at a local parish.  Jesus rescued mankind from all its original sin deserved, if only we would choose once more to be like Him.

He has set us free, because He thirsts for us. 

I Yam Who I Yam

 

I was stepping into the shower when the words came to me: “I yam who I yam.”  I know I heard them before, with their slang-ish pronunciation.  Where did I hear them?  Was it Popeye?  It sounds like something The Sailor Man would say.  Or was it Bluto, who spoke so naively?  And why did those words come to me, now?

As I showered and pondered, I smiled: “Well, whoever ‘I yam’, I am changing, by making myself cleaner.”  Maybe that simple thought was a good insight.  Whoever we are doesn’t mean we can’t change.  The Church teaches we are all called to grow in holiness, to become more Christ-like.  Perhaps some of us have been “who we are” for so long that we think change is impossible, so we stopped trying.  “I am a sinner in the eyes of the Church, it’s just who I am, but I believe God will save me.”  Well, regardless of what you may believe, that’s not what He said.

The Bible in a Year podcasts did a good job of explaining what Scripture says.  This year’s Catholic Catechism in a Year podcasts are explaining how words of Scripture and Tradition (which preceded written Scripture) underpin the Church’s teaching of how we should live, and why.  The first week of the daily Catechism podcasts was rated number one in the world, of any podcasts, on any subject.  People are hungry to understand.  They are hungry to see the world and their lives as they are, and as they should be, AND, why.  The catechism will provide them the soap they need to start cleaning up their lives, and make this world a better place.

I was told how the windshield of every car has lots of streaks and splotches, but we often don’t notice or pay any attention to them.  But, if we are driving into the sun, they stand out and even seem to glow --- and they are very irritating to us.  That too is a good analogy of our sins.  We often don’t notice them, or if we do, we don’t care.  “It’s just the way I am.”  But if we turn toward the light, they seem to suddenly stand out, and irritate us.  And that is a good thing.  It means we are looking at the Light; it is an incentive to change.  We want to get clean.  Even if it is irritating at the start, to see how far we fall short of who God created us to be, the irritation and the incentive to change is a blessing.

“I yam who I yam” are the words of someone in the dark, who hasn’t yet seen the light.  We can be their light.  Oh, one more thing, which I learned at my Bible Study class:  Light is silent …. But it lets them see.

The Holy Spirit and grace are the soap to help us to begin to clean up our act.  Whatever we are, we can change. And God said: “Let there be light.”

What to Give up for Lent

 

As a child it was easy to sacrifice for Lent.  My parents told me what I was giving up, and then made sure it wasn’t available to me anymore.  As an adult, it is harder.

Lent isn’t about just about giving up something --- although sincere sacrifice for God is a holy thing to do --- but Lent is about preparing for conversion, for change, for permanent change.  People are welcomed into the Catholic Church on Easter Sunday because it is after Lent, a time of preparing for change.  Conversion is about letting go of self and the illusion that I can take care of myself, and turning to a deeper dependence on God.  An arrogance, selfishness, confidence that I can do things --- myself --- is my ego speaking.  Giving up something I want is a reducing of that ego, a reducing of the priority of self, and the starting of humility.  It is the start of change so I can receive His life, a life the world cannot give, but the life He meant for me.

Conversion isn’t about giving up something for a while; it’s about change.  Lent is a time to prepare for change by giving up something of what defines me, things I routinely do because they give me some contentment.  It’s about deliberately starting to do those things I know I should be doing, but I forget to do or do so only reluctantly.

We need to encourage our Lenten choices by recalling what Jesus chose to do, offer up His life for others.  Offering up what we are, a planning to change, is a sharing in that sacrifice of Jesus, to dying to our self for the sins of the world.  It is no small thing.

Changing your life means beginning new habits which will continue beyond Lent.  Lenten fasting is a good thing, a temporary sacrifice for Him, but conversion is changing who we are, how we think and behave.  It might mean a resolve to stop doing something we should not, or to begin doing something we should.  No one may know about our change but God, like if our prayer life improves (a local parish has set up Stations of the Cross in its parking lot so people can pray and meditate in their cars --- there are outside stations like this in many places, to help people begin a habit of prayer), or our change may be visible to the world as we begin a life more focused on helping those in need.  Change for God is a form of penance, and it is hard, but we have 40 days of Lent to get into new habits.

Remember what the priest says at mass when he lifts the host and says what Jesus said: “For this is My body, which will be given up for You.”  That was His commitment to change, and why.

What will you give up this Lent; how will you start to change who you are?

Yes, He Can Be Calling You

I had the privilege last night, the honor, of once again praying in the front of the Blessed Sacrament in the adoration chapel.  God was in front of me, as I began my night prayers with the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, starting with the Annunciation of the Angel to Mary.  And suddenly I could not go on.  Thoughts rolled through my head, many of which I wrote below, as I thought of what had happened to Mary --- and why, and what is now happening to us.

The first two meditations I read summed up the problem of the world, and so I stopped and prayed there.  I prayed for myself, all the people God puts in my life, and I prayed for this country.  With that focus point --- people I believe He has chosen and loves, --- in His Mercy I prayed that He would change the world, as He began to when the Angel appeared to Mary. And so, I prayed for his mercy as I read and meditated on:

            This is what I’d have you do:  listen for My Will, resolve to do it.  No matter how hard.

I believe that first meditation sums up what God asks His children of the world right now: listen to Me!  I love you.  He showed us that in so many ways in the past: with great powerful miracles to get our attention and know He is God, with rivers split, nations’ armies defeated, and then in the most humble way as He came to us as a little baby, to be like us and show us the Way.  He came and showed us how to live, then He showed us how to die.  He showed us how to be who He created us to be.

And then we were born again in Baptism through Him, and never to be forgotten.  And so, He reminds us now, even as He sent the angel to Mary, He sends His very Son to us!  Today!  Listen to Him!

            This is what I’d have you do:  listen for My Will, resolve to do it.  No matter how hard.

We were each born with different circumstances, different abilities, at different times, in different places.  Jesus was “back then”.  It’s hard to think that He would come to us, to call us, uniquely, now, today.  I understand, for the next meditation I read was:

            Can God really be calling to me?

I am sure that was the thought in Mary’s heart too, when she heard the voice of an angel.  “Can God really be calling to me?” 

Yes, yes, He can be calling to you!  Have faith.  Believe.

These meditations are only the start of the Joyful Mysteries, but they are the start of a world-changing event.  It started with Mary’s yes to that angel’s announcement. “Be it done unto me according to Thy will.”  Did she think that God calling to her --- of all the people in the world --- strange?  Yes!  Did she wonder: “Why me?”  Yes.  Did she wonder if she could do what He was asking?  Yes.  And did she understand all that would ensue as a result of her yes?  No, she did not.

That is what faith is: believing, trusting, following, especially when the way seems dark and unclear.  Especially when the path will be painful.

The world is in pain right now.  Long ago God had sent an angel to Mary, telling her clearly: “This is what I’d have you do.”  Then His Son was born in this world and said: “This is what I’d have you do --- love one another, as I have loved you.”  Jesus Christ, true God, true man, said this to us.  But like the Jewish nation, which forgot all the great miracles God did for them to free them from slavery, the world now --- and even Christians who say they know Him --- forgets all He said and did for us.  And we are no different from the Jewish nation wandering in the desert.  He called us to wait for His Second Coming, but we couldn’t wait.  We forgot about the eternal life He promised, and looked about the world to see what we wanted now.  We stopped listening for His Will, and focused on ours.  He asked us then and now to resolve to do His Will, no matter how hard, but we choose the easy way.

He killed the first-born sons of the Egyptians.  He rained manna from the sky and make water from rocks.  The walls of Jericho fell.  He gave us His Son, Who rose from the dead.  And still, again today, we stopped listening for His Will.

What will it take for us to stop and listen this time?  Look at all that is happening in the world, beyond all our control, despite of “what we want now.”

Are you listening yet?  Are you resolving to do His Will, no matter how hard?  If you even remotely wonder if this event is from God, are you asking: “Can God really be calling to me?”

Yes, He can be calling you.

And a little further along in my meditations I read these important words of the angel to Mary:  Do not be afraid.

It’s hard not to be afraid, but I prayed to hear His will for me, and then to trust.   I think He is asking that of all Christians right now.  All this is for some world-changing reason.  Can we stop focusing on this world and focus on the big picture --- the eternal world He died to give us.  Not this little world, this little time here, but that eternal world is now ours, if we can stop focusing on this world, doing our will, and instead choose His.

Samuel said: “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”