I don’t know you, and perhaps that is a simple summary of
the problems facing our country and our culture. But whether you be atheist, agnostic, Muslim,
Buddhist, Jew, or Christian --- or don’t know how to describe yourself ---
still, I think you perceive that what I have been writing here is
troubling. Something is wrong in this
world, something you would, if you could, make better. As in the title of this and three earlier
postings, I summarize the problem as a growth of atheism, a growing rejection
of God and/or increase in self-love in our country, narcissism. Despite the evidences I’ve shown to arrive at
these conclusions, you might summarize the problem differently --- especially
if you are an atheist! But I believe most
thinking people would concede: there is
a problem; it is getting worse; and someone should do something about it.
I propose that someone is: YOU.
This increasing self-love, this “looking out for Number One,”
seems to have grown more common as families have deteriorated in our
culture. A recent Wall Street Journal
article cited new studies: “25% of American
children now live in single-parent homes,” and “they don’t fare as well
emotionally, economically, psychologically, educationally, or, in the end,
economically as their two-parent peers.”
Add to this the one-in-seventy children now diagnosed as autistic, and
the data says that a huge and increasing portion of our culture is growing up
--- and living lives --- of increased isolation. People now laugh at large families, and some
think it is a virtue to have no children.
Perhaps you do also. But even if
you do believe that, still, you must not like where the data says that
leads: to increasing numbers of lives
alone, without love, real love.
On April 22, the Wall Street Journal noted that in Italy, “home
to the Catholic Church,” nearly 50% of adults do not plan to have children ---
they can’t afford them. In past years
they, and other Europeans, have demanded the government give them what they
want --- as many in America now do. And
so their governments did, providing medical care and job security and retirement
and anything else they “needed,” and then taxed them for it. Now they can’t afford children, and of the
children they do have over 50% under the age of 30 are unemployed, and forced
to live at home. Whether they desire it
or not, family life is now forced upon them.
The Italians got everything from the government they “needed,” and now
soon they will have nothing. They, in
effect, told the government to love them, and now they have forgotten,
themselves, how to love. Is this where
we are headed in America, to loving ourselves more than our neighbors, and even
more than our children?
In simpler times, love was more practical. Far less emphasis was
placed on affection, especially the expression of affection. In the
time of Our Lord and during most human history, especially among
the great masses of people who were farmers, hunters, and fisherman,
love meant faithfully fulfilling one’s duties to another, seeing to their
welfare, and providing for their needs. … Faith and love of God were
not seen as different expressions, and they jointly called for doing
something, for fidelity and generous concern.
-- The King Crucified and Risen, (P174) Fr. Benedict Groeschel,
C.F.R.
I do not like where America is, or where we are heading, the
“heaven on earth” the Italians have found.
I do not think it matters what your background is. Mine is influenced by my Catholic faith, and
that faith says that I --- yes, little old me --- can do something to change
where this culture is headed, and in fact the God I worship COMMANDED me to do
something about it, when He told me to “love God and my neighbor.” Him, I do love, but I know that I can do
better in loving my neighbor and in making this world a better place, even if
for only one neighbor. A place for me to
start is with him, changing this world by obeying that commandment to love
him. And I think that’s a place for you
to start also,--- neighbor.
In my growing old, growing in experience, growing in faith,
and growing in wisdom (?), many little opportunities have presented themselves
to me in which to love my neighbor. On a
few occasions, the opportunities to love were glaring --- in my face --- calls
for help. Sometimes answering those calls
required my time, and on some occasions my work, and on a few others my money
--- money that sometimes I didn’t think I had to spare, but looking at the
situation of my neighbors I often felt compelled to ask myself: does my neighbor need this more than I? That’s what love is, you know, it’s not
something you do because you get something back, like working overtime in hopes
of a raise, or buying a girl dinner in hopes of sex. Love is giving of yourself to another because
it is as God would have you act. And at
one time in this culture, it was also as your family would have you act. To show us how to love is why Jesus came into
this world.
While sometimes the opportunities I had to love required me
to make sacrifices, it seems in more recent times I have noticed that ever more
opportunities exist which don’t require much effort on my part at all, little
opportunities to give love that anyone could give. Taking advantage of these opportunities,
opportunities to love, to help in some small way to change our culture --- even
if for only one neighbor --- sometimes JUST HAPPENS, whether you think about it
or not, if you resolve to have an attitude of love, if you resolve to ACT in
love. So if the neighbor’s little kids
are stepping on your flowers, you don’t yell at the kids, you smile and maybe
offer to pick one for them. And when that
car cuts you off, you don’t give them “the finger,” but you say a prayer for
them. And if your spouse is having a bad
day, you don’t say a word, but just hug her.
Despite how much you crave love yourself, you DO know how to
GIVE love, even if it does not come naturally for you. Our culture and our neighbor do not need THINGS
given to them, but love. Loving our
neighbor is the starting point for us to change this culture. Each act of love we do is a seed that may
grow and spread. And only you (and I)
can spread those seeds which lie somewhere deep within our hearts.
You are not to spend what remains of your earthly life
on human desires, but on the will of God. (1Pt 3:18)
Trying to imitate the Love of Jesus Christ, here are some
seeds which I have discovered in my life, and which you might resolve to sow,
to make a difference, to show love to your neighbor:
In Your Family:
The day you take a spouse is the day you vow: “someone is more important
than me.” Act like it. Make their concerns your first concern. Giving love to your family includes growing
in love with them: pray together EVERY
day, visit church together (and not just on Sundays). Love means giving of yourself: spend time with them, save for their Catholic
education (and/or prepare for it in your will/trust or contribution to 529
funds), and teach them, by lessons and by example. Early on children NEED love, but as they grow
they need to learn how to GIVE love, so they can later give it to their spouses
and children: teach them. And talk to them about sin, which is putting
yourself first, before God or neighbor. And
if your family ever doubts for a moment that you don’t love them, then you aren’t
loving them enough, in the right ways, in ways that they see and understand. If you love your family well, you will be
changing our culture by making more loving, giving people for the future.
At each mass the priest says: “This
is My Body,
which WILL be given up for you.” This is love.
In Your Neighborhood:
All the ways you would love your family can and should overflow to your
neighbors. Find out their kids’
birthdays, and on those special days give them a present, especially a Christian
one, perhaps a book on virtues or bible stories. At Easter, give them a basket of candy and a book explaining what Easter means
--- beyond chocolate bunnies. Invite
neighbors over once in a while for dinner --- and say grace before the meal ---
and always have a popsicle in the freezer for the kids during the summer (and I
have BONES for the dogs, too!). And if
you have a garden, let the neighbors know they are welcome to pick of your
harvest (you never eat all that you grow, anyway). And like your family, let them see you as
someone who is loving, giving, caring, that they might see the joy that gives
to you and your family, and perhaps might make changes in theirs.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before
God and the Father is this: to visit
orphans
and widows in their affliction, and to keep
oneself unstained from the world. (James 1:27)
In Your Parish:
Treat your parish as your extended family in Christ --- get to know
them. Perhaps you can set up links on
the parish website to all parishioners’ blogs, Facebook pages, or other social
media: you should be linking to and
being concerned about them before some strangers halfway around the country;
you should know something about the needs/gifts of that person across the
church aisle, especially if he publishes that info on the internet for anyone
to see. You should seek to visit sick or
elderly parishioners, especially those alone (ref the Letter of James) – take your
kids along; they can interact with new “grandparents” if theirs live far away. If you have things or space (a spare room)
you no longer need, you should readily make them available to your parish
family. And, of course, if you have time
and talent, you should volunteer to lead and/or attend various activities
within your parish, to grow in faith, and to give your love. Giving of yourself and your things IS loving
your neighbor, and giving of spare things costs you nothing, yet would go great
lengths toward changing this world, one person at a time.
In that first sin man preferred himself to God, and by that very
act, scorned Him. He chose himself over
and against God. -- CCC 398
In Strangers You Meet: After wearing a cross around my neck for many
years, one day last year I felt an urge to wear it outside my shirt, visible on
my chest. That day a Christian in need,
seeing the cross, stopped to talk at length to me; seeing that cross told them
that here was someone who cared about their neighbor. And in the time I gave her, she felt
loved. Just witnessing our faith,
wearing a cross, dressing modestly, smiling at strangers we pass, all make this
world a little better, one person at a time.
Of course, many of the things we would do within our family, neighborhood,
or parish can be extended even to strangers.
You can visit Catholic blogs and offer comments to those in need of
advice or sympathy. You can volunteer
with non-profit organizations to help people in need. You can donate to charities who help those in
real need (I verify the performance of charities by first searching their Form
990 on Guidestar.org). You can hire
unemployed Christians and neighbors to do work they need, the work you could
afford to pay to have done --- my hedges are trimmed each year, and my garden
tilled by those seeking some temporary employment. And of course, you can donate food to the
various food drives in every community.
We love because He first loved us.
Love isn’t giving to another that which he desires --- we
see what happened to the Italians who got what they desired. Love gives to another for his good, and a
Christian sees good defined in the life of Jesus, in His actions of love. Jesus was tolerant of sinners, but He never
accepted or promoted their sins. Neither
should we “tolerate” sins; that IS NOT loving them. And perhaps Jesus’ greatest example, yet rarely
cited, is that He showed us how NOT to love ourselves first. He gave of everything He had; He was
concerned about others first; and He never asked for Himself or His needs. That is the great lesson I cite in the title
of this blog: Do Not Be Anxious (for
yourself).
If I and you are to make a difference in this world; if we
are to change this culture, we must start, not by changing some laws --- that’s
not the example Jesus gave us --- not by seeking some grandiose impact on
everyone and everything, but rather by the giving of love, to one person at a
time.
It’s where He started.
