Words Unsaid; Lessons Unlearned

I’m not sure why my thoughts tonight turned to the evil taking root in our culture.  Perhaps it’s because you almost can’t avoid it; it’s spreading everywhere.  How can you ignore it?  I know that there is very little I can do to change things --- although prayer is a huge help --- yet I ponder:  How is this evil growth being fertilized today, and isn’t there some small new growth I can help start, some good I can begin amidst this mess?

As to how or when things took a firm turn for the worse in our culture, certainly I’d point to the philosophers of the Enlightenment, who felt they knew things that no one in history knew --- what pride!  Scientific advances build on prior science learnings, and scientists then build things never before seen; that’s scientific advancement.  But, the philosophers of the Enlightenment didn’t build on the past; they tore it up.  “Listen to me,” they proclaimed; “I am smarter than anyone ever,” they boasted.  And one of their key boastings was a philosophy directly contrary to the Two Great Commandments.  No, you should not primarily love God and neighbor, they said, first you should love yourself.  All those “Thou shalt nots” in the Commandments are in fact a rejection of the temptations of the world, temptations to focus on yourself, but the Enlightenment philosophers taught: “You SHOULD focus on yourself.”  And now, in our culture, we see this philosophy lived out everywhere.  In Washington we see “wise” congress people who can’t vote for anything they didn’t initiate; if they didn’t dot every “i” and cross every “t”, they can’t favor it.  They can’t compromise not getting what they want.  And in our churches, we see a watering down of the Commandments to give the people what they want. 

But, how do we, unwittingly, support this growing focus on self, this great “enlightenment” that we know better than the commandments?

Well, it is certainly being taught in public schools today, and we’re letting it happen.  From getting a prize for losing, advancing a grade despite not knowing the materials, and even having a right to choose your own sex or what clothes to wear as children, the culture there says that parents shouldn’t teach children, no, children should teach parents what they want --- and should have because they want it.

And here’s an area I think parents, mom and dad and even grandma and grandpa, have been infected by the culture.

Babies need love and care; their needing is natural; it is a need to be secure.  And as babies become children, good parents continue to provide not only needs but something else: children’s wants, but within limits.  It used to be that children were fed what was good for them, required to do things to learn responsibility, and given entertainment (and even love) “within limits,” and they were disciplined when their self-will led them astray.  Selfishness was not tolerated.  All these things are now rejected by the culture; these things which create mature, responsible adults, are rejected:  children should get what they want, the culture says, just like babies.  But here’s where the confusion comes in among parents:  babies don’t get what they want, but what they need.  And now as children, these former babies are not getting what they need to grow into responsible adults.  They are not learning the independence and wisdom they need to become responsible parents themselves --- and, they are also not learning how to have an intimate relationship with Jesus.  Even on Sunday, families no longer pray together.  If parents don’t teach children how to talk to Jesus, how can their children ever have an intimate relationship with Him as adults?

A major disruption has happened in society:  parents are creating children who don’t know how to become parents.  In not being able to give love to their children --- a love that sometimes hurts the parents to give because the children don’t want it (discipline) --- these parents are raising children who don’t know how to love, except a self-love which they think is right and proper.  They deserve to be loved because they want it, they think, and then are deeply confused as adults when they see that not everyone loves them.  They never learned how to love others, and then are totally surprised that no one knows how to love them.

The crisis of self-worth is causing the huge increase of suicides and depression in our society.  The conflict of “I want what I want” but I don’t want you allowed what you want is being played out everywhere.  Women want top jobs and respect, regardless if they earn it; their cries of male dominance imply men are holding back women better qualified then themselves (which may be true in some cases, but not because: all men are evil).  The same logic holds for ethnic groups and for poor people: “Why can’t we get what we want?  Don’t you love us?” 

Words unsaid by parents lead to lessons unlearned by children.  Jesus --- God Himself --- came to show us how to live a life with meaning and eternal happiness.  That happiness, He said, starts on earth, in loving God and neighbor.  And, He said, happiness doesn’t end here on earth, but grows into a happiness we can’t even imagine in eternity.  “But I want it” is not a reason for you to get it.  You have to learn how to get this earthly-limited happiness, and one of the greatest lessons you must learn --- you should have learned already --- is that everything you want is not good for you.  Your parents, sadly, should have taught you that.  It’s a lesson you should have learned early in life, and it becomes more difficult to learn as you grow older.

Suicides are up?  I shouldn’t wonder.  If you learn you should get everything you want to be happy in this life, and then find you can’t get everything you want --- therefore you can’t get the happiness you expect --- then what is there to live for?

At the beginning of this meditation I wondered if there was something I could do to help change this culture.  The problem is so embedded in our culture, where would you begin?  I noted, sadly, that learning the lesson that you shouldn’t have everything you want is a hard lesson to learn later in life.  It’s hard to unlearn what have become habits.

God put into my heart, and that of a few friends, a possible first step toward change:  He showed us some poor people who also had many wants, which we tried to fill.  But gradually God showed us, and them, that things wouldn’t make them happy.  One talked of suicide even as we gave her more things, and we gradually became aware that more than anything else, these people needed friends.  They led lonely lives.  And so, we’ve begun an effort to ask people: “Have you loved your neighbor this week?”  And we’ll put the faces of lonely people in front of them.  Citing the Second Great Commandment and asking them for a little of their most precious possession --- time --- we hope to convince (or shame) people into acting with love toward their neighbor, even if for only an hour a week.  Will this action turn into a lesson and begin to change their selfishness?  God only knows, but He started us on this small effort.

Words unsaid led to lessons unlearned.  In our effort, we will try to say the unsaid words, and then leave the rest to God.

Prayer helps, but we feel we’ve got to do something.

God wants His world back.  We have to help Him.