Loving is Hard Work

 

As I’ve mentioned (and written here), sometimes God gives me a “nudge” for something He wishes me to see or do or understand.  And sometimes, when I “just don’t get it”, He nudges me so often or firmly that it is like a slap on the face: “Wake up!” He seems to be saying.  “Do you get it now?”

In recent days and weeks, it seems I am seeing many new things, and seeing many old things in a new light, and they are all stating firmly the same message.  We need to change our hearts to accept the real Christian message, as stated in the Gospel of John a number of times:  Love as I have loved.  That means loving God and loving neighbor with a total giving of yourself, regardless of the cost.  That’s a love that even accepts suffering or things not going as you might wish.  Your life is God’s gift, as are all your talents and possessions.  Use them as the Giver of these gifts intended.  We need to reject the culture’s focus on “self” as the prime purpose of our lives.

 

When the study group last week was watching a video on the 3^rd Glorious Mystery of the Rosary, the Descent of the Holy Spirit, we heard the reference to letting go of self.  As disciples, the people in the upper room had learned over the 3 years they followed Jesus how to love as He did, agape, by a total letting go of self-love.  Then The Fire of God’s Love descended upon them, and they became as they were created to be, focused on giving love, even as God IS LOVE.

 

In Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis’ book, Fire of Mercy, he reflects on the Gospel of John 27:15, and what motivated the people when Herod asked:  Who do you want Jesus, or Barabbas?  He writes:

“The mere presence of Jesus, dynamically alive in our midst, is an irritant and a stumbling block to anyone walking to lead a wholly autonomous existence ruled only by the criteria of power, pleasure, and gain. … Human freedom to God is the freedom to love unreservedly by dying to oneself … and rising to a new life of belonging to others. … The mob’s choice of Barabbas over Jesus confirms and glorifies with sordid exultation our own persistent choice of ourselves over God.”

 

In The Better Part, Fr. Bartunek reflects on John 16:16-33 (part of the Last Supper discourse): 

The pattern of spiritual growth is always death to sin and self, making more and more room for life in Christ.  Here on earth, the purification can occur more efficiently and less painfully than in purgatory, because here we are free to cooperate with it, as an athlete cooperates with his trainer.  Any purification that remains to be done after death is completely passive, as a patient under the scalpel of a surgeon.  In both cases, however, the goal remains the same.  The more that self-love gives way to Christ-love, the more fully we will taste the peace and joy that no one can take away, because it flows from the One who has risen and who reigns forever.  “In the world you will have trouble, but be brave, I have conquered the world.”

 

A friend forwarded me the May 7 homily which was preached at the English mass in Medjugorje.  The priest, focusing on the first reading regarding the conversion of Saul, noted how wise, strong, and self-confident Saul was.  Leaders followed his advice.  Then, on his way to Damascus, Jesus struck him from his horse (that was more than just a slap on the face).  Saul was struck blind.  Then his whole world and how he saw things changed.  And (now) Paul, in rejecting all his focus on self, became a new man, the one he was created to be.

All of these many (and more) reflections on Scripture, all of which emphasize the letting go of self-love, have struck me.  I understand how I should be living and now resolve to be.  Yet … kind of like a slap in the face, I recently was shown that I need to work harder, and with more trust in Him.  Letting go of self-love is not a task I can do alone:

A good speech was given at the church’s men’s prayer breakfast I attended recently.  Afterwards, sitting with a friend, I complimented him on how well he was doing in a church ministry.  To my surprise, he took my hand and thanked me, telling me how depression causes him to question all he is doing.  We then spoke about the talk we had just heard, and how it seemed to say you need to let go and stop worrying about yourself by just asking every now and then: “am I doing this out of love?”  And just then, the speaker of the talk came to our table to thank us for attending.  We thanked him for his great talk, but …. Then I, having just been told how good I am, told the speaker that he could improve his talk by using some of the words I expressed to him.  He very politely thanked me for those thoughts, and then moved on. 

It was when I was driving home in my car that it occurred to me how much self-love I had just shown.  In effect I had said to that speaker: “Look at me and what I know.”  I think if I had been on a horse then Jesus would have knocked me off.  And I would have thanked Him.

Jesus has shown me many times how important it is to let go of self-love.  And I do remember that fact, it is in my head ---- but not yet my heart.  Loving is hard work.  It takes much resolve, and humility.  It is so easy to think I am right, or I am important, or I know a better way --- and you should listen to me.  You can still love someone if he is less intelligent than you, is less pretty, or has less money.  Those aren’t the reasons Jesus loved anyone.  Regardless, He just loved them to death.