Thursday, May 12, 2016

Could I Be Wrong?

I was praying the rosary, thinking on when the angel first spoke to Mary.  Among her initial reactions must have been this thought:  Is this really happening to me?  Then upon hearing the angel’s message, perhaps her thoughts went to her personal reputation and safety:  What will people think about this, me pregnant and not married?  And that’s why the angel’s words “Do not be afraid” were so important.  I think those must have been comforting words to hear, and so Mary responded: “Thy will be done.”  And in the meditations I had before me I read:  “Any sacrifice You ask of me will be more than repaid.”  The words reminded me that like Mary I must also say: “Thy will be done.”
Like St. Paul’s reflection on the matter, I know I want to do the will of God.  Sometimes I think I hear it, know it, but before doing it I have thoughts like Mary about what this might mean to me, and so I pause and question:  Really?  What will people think if I do that?  And now, more than ever in my life, I AM likely to recall those words of the angel:  Do not be afraid.   But, …
Mary heard an angel.  Sometimes I am not so sure what I am hearing.  Sometimes other thoughts come to me, and they seem logical, reasonable, and seem as if they would be what God might will.  But they are my thoughts.  In figuring things out as best I can and in praying that God would open my heart to His will, there is often, I think, something missing:  consideration that I could be wrong.  I know that I proceed with the best of intentions, in the way I think God wishes me to, but I assume that I know what to do:  I’ve figured it out, or perceived His will.  Rarely is there consideration that I could be wrong.
Mary heard, definitely, God’s will.  Angels don’t speak to me, or at least not out loud.  So I make presumptions and act.  One thing I rarely consider, however, is:  Should I wait?  In my desire for an answer, now, I often don’t consider:  Should I pray on this more?  Perhaps God has other plans and now is not yet the time for them.  But in my desire for action, I often don’t consider the humbling thought:  Could I be wrong?
My meditations on Mary’s reaction to the angel concluded with these thoughts:  “Thy will be done.  In this I find joy.  I trust in You.”
And I found myself asking:  Do I?

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