The Google counter says this is my blog posting number
997. I think it may be the most
important thing I have ever written. I’m
sorry this will be a long post, but I think it is important.
My heart is heavy today.
I cried through the Friday morning Bible Study, afterwards felt and urge
to attend mass, and then cried there.
And as I now sit in the chapel recalling these recent events, my eyes
tear up at the thoughts.
In recent weeks I have prayed that the Holy Spirit come to
me, to show me His will for me. I think that
this morning perhaps my prayers were answered in a special way, and I am so
sad.
- - - - - - - - - -
I think the lead-up to today’s events began last Monday
night in the chapel, when I prayed a special prayer for our country, and new
thoughts flooded my heart. But
reflections on that prayer and those subsequent thoughts will be for another
day. Thursday night, yesterday, I had
simpler prayers. I prayed for myself and
my needs, but in a special way.
It hadn’t rained in my area of Michigan in about, well now
that I think about it, in about 40 days.
June was almost totally dry, as was July. I watered my garden every other day, yet my
tomato plants still looked sickly, a foot or more shorter than normal at this
time of year. So thoughts of rain were in
my mind in the chapel as I looked up to the altar and prayed: “Jesus, I trust in You. I often say those words, Lord, but I really
believe them --- right now --- in my heart.
So many days ‘a chance of rain’ has been in the forecast, but the rains
have passed us by. But tonight, Lord, I
trust You will bring us rain. I shall
not worry. And so I thank You, Lord, for
the rain --- and trust my tomato plants will thank you, too. But, of course, You know that. Amen.”
As I walked out of the chapel there were clouds to the West
and clouds to the East, and sunshine overhead, but I wasn’t worried. Then I looked to the South, where there were
more clouds --- and over them a beautiful double rainbow. And again I thanked God for the rain to come,
and as I walked the short distance to my car, faint drops began to fall.
It was 8:30P and I thought about driving to the store to get
something for dinner; I had gone from a late afternoon meeting directly to the
chapel. But as I drove I passed near the
condo of a friend, and remembered some recent sadness she had mentioned, and so
I turned into her driveway. I rang her
doorbell and she came outside with me, to witness the faint remains of the
rainbow in the sky. “God is good,” we
said together, but He was just beginning this night.
My friend invited me in and we chatted a bit about this and
that, and then she asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her, one that she
had seen and enjoyed, but wanted to watch again. And I said yes. The movie was titled: Spotlight.
Spotlight was/is the name of a small 4-person department
within the Boston Globe newspaper. The
department chose stories for in-depth research.
Not strictly reporters of news, they sought out what should be news. The movie begins, in 2001, with a new editor
taking over the Globe, a relatively young Jewish man, with a reputation for
head-cutting and turning things around in his prior assignments, a task needed
at the Globe, where its readership was declining.
The editor hears of a court case which had papers sealed
because of their personal stories of people’s lives, and the editor was
intrigued. “Get our legal people to work
on unsealing those papers,” he says.
When informed that the papers were sealed at the request of the
Archdiocese of Boston, he says: “So?”
The reporters persist: “You want us to sue the Catholic Church?” And again he says: “So?”
And thus began the story of one Catholic priest who had
molested a number of children twenty years prior. But then there came to light stories of three
more priests, and a man who claimed he knew of 15 priests and the many people
they had molested. Everyone scoffed at
this man’s claims, including the reporters.
But dogged research showed, one-by-one, that the accusations were true. And along the way they discovered a lawyer
who, acting as a go-between people who claimed molestation and the Diocese of
Boston, was negotiating private settlements outside the court system, with no
records available to the public.
The Spotlight reporters wanted to go to press with the
story, but the editor wanted to go deeper.
How could this knowingly go on?
Who let it? Where had the
organization failed? “You want us to go
after Cardinal Law?” the fallen-away Catholic reporters asked. “So?” he replied.
They found a psychologist who said his studies, over the
years, showed that approximately 6% of priests had molested children, and 50%
of priests were sexually active. There
were 1500 priests in the Diocese of Boston; six percent of 1500 was 90
priests. Unbelievable!! But through continued research, Spotlight
reporters identified 87 names of possible pedophile priests, and one-by-one
found proofs of their sexual abuse of minors, until finally a Church insider
caved, and looking at the long list of names, indicated that the reporters were
right in their suspicions on each one of them.
It was almost by chance, it seemed, that the reporters were
led to look for some “missing” court records, and when they eventually were
able to get copies found the missing papers to be letters, from individuals and
even a bishop, to Cardinal Law, telling him of the sexual molestation problems
and saying he must do something. But he
did nothing, except sometimes requiring priestly reassignments. This was the smoking gun they had been
looking for.
September 11, 2001 and the fall of the Twin Towers in New
York happened, and the pedophile story was delayed, but early in 2002 it went
to press, on the Feast of the Epiphany.
And the movie showed the Globe’s phones rang off the hook as
hundreds of new victims called.
The movie ends showing white words printed on a black screen
background. Cardinal Law resigned. He was appointed to a prestigious post in Rome. Then the words said: “These are the cities where significant
numbers of molesting priests were reported.”
And then a screen appeared showing three columns of U.S. cities, and
then another screen of cities flashed up, and then another. And then a screen listing cities from around
the world flashed up, and then another, and another.
- - - - - - - - - -
I thought the movie Spotlight was well done. It didn’t overly slobber over the poor kids
(now adults) who were molested, nor did it interview or unduly focus on the
priests, nor did it focus on the evils done by representatives of the Catholic
Church. It wasn’t unduly slanted; it
just reported the facts.
My friend and I talked a bit about the movie. I mentioned studies I had read which stated
that the same pedophilia was going on in schools, and even to a larger degree
--- but no one wrote about that. My
friend mentioned she had read of studies that said some Protestant churches had
higher rates of pedophilia; I think I read those things too. Why was the Catholic Church singled out for
the major focus? I guess there can be
many reasons assumed, but perhaps it was just a random thing --- that’s where
it was first noticed by some curious reporters.
I wondered, aloud, why the story didn’t mention what I had
always perceived to be a curious fact:
All the examples of abuse (or at least a huge percentage) were from
events of 20 or more years prior, in the 1960’s through the 1980’s. Most all of the priests involved were much
older in 2001; some were dead by then, but what had happened in the 1990’s? Did those pedophile priests succumb to the
lower sexual drives of old age? Did the
Church finally take some effective actions?
Why weren’t there stories of new young pedophile priests preying on kids
in the 1990’s?
I commented to my friend how I was aware that Pope Benedict
had in his very first year done a major clean-up of the seminaries, and soon
after enacted (what I perceive are unfair) new policies that required removal
of priests at the first accusation of sexual abuse --- and a number of priests
were falsely accused and severely treated by the Church until the accusations
were proven false, accusations lured by the large money settlements rumored
around the country.
But still, my question hung in the air. In 2001, why were there no huge outcries of “And
yes, it happened to my kid last week or last month?” What changed, before any reporters or the
Church or the police took any actions?
What changed?
- - - - - - - - - -
This morning I got up early and drove to Panera’s for the
Friday morning men’s Bible Study. I
noted that it had rained overnight; I thanked God for His mercy. And then out of the dark morning sky the
thought came to me, the answer to my question:
What changed? And I believe the
answer is: We did. America changed, beginning in the 1960’s, but
very noticeably, everywhere, by the 1990’s.
My thoughts went back to why the Catholic priests were
reported on, when school teachers or Protestant ministers were just as
bad? And I recalled the listings of all
those cities around the world, and suddenly I got it. It wasn’t just Catholic priests or teachers
or Protestant ministers, it was EVERYWHERE.
All across the world, in countries, in occupations, everywhere, the
world had changed. Pedophiles began
acting out everywhere. The entire world
had entered a chapter of deep sin, everywhere.
And then, there in the car, in the early morning darkness, I
felt a sadness such as I have never felt before, and I began to cry. I said I had been praying for the Holy Spirit
to come to me. Was this Him? Did I now perceive the mind of God? And even as I now write these words and look
at the monstrance on the altar through tears, I ask: “Is this what You feel
about the world?”
Thoughts came to me about the 1960’s sexual revolution, and
people --- so many, many people --- vowing to “do their own thing.” Laws, and God, be damned. Priests and nuns left religious orders by the
tens of thousands, and many of those who stayed, apparently, also “did their
own thing.” The world began to change.
What happened in the 1990’s?
I’m guessing that many of the 1960’s revolutionaries got jobs, still did
their own thing when outside of work, and got promotions. By the 1990’s many of those people were now
leaders in schools and other institutions.
The teachers, the lawyers, and the judges were now more and more
saying: “You have a right to do your own
thing.” And so pedophilia,
homosexuality, and child molestations likely have not gone away, but now those
are no longer “bad” things. Raped kids
from the 1960’s came forth as adults who were troubled by what had happened to
them, and they accused priests. But kids
today are taught “it’s only sex” from an early age. Even our president said so. And recent surveys have shown that elementary
school children believe that 30%of people are homosexual.
The world has changed.
- - - - - - - - - -
At mass this morning my soul was opened to see things
differently, and I noticed prayers I had routinely mouthed before. Blessed
be God, forever. Within Thy wounds hide me. And I
never noticed so acutely how often we pray at mass for mercy and peace. And then at the end, our final prayer was
said in tears:
St. Michael, the archangel, defend
us in battle …
And as I read my morning prayers, the words there seemed to jump
out at me:
Lord, in your anger,
do not punish me.
Psalm 38
My wounds are foul and festering,
the result of my own folly.
I am bowed and brought to my knees,
I go mourning all the day long.
Spent and utterly
crushed,
I cry aloud in anguish of heart.
O Lord, you know all
my longing:
my groans are not hidden from you.
My heart throbs, my strength is spent;
the very light has gone from my eyes.
My wanton enemies are
numberless
And my lying foes are many.
They repay me evil for good
and attack me for seeking what is right.
O Lord, do not forsake
me!
My God, do not stay afar off!
Make haste and come to my help,
O Lord, my God, my savior!
Do not abandon us,
Lord our God; you did not forget the broken body of your Christ, nor the
mockery his love received. We, your
children, are weighed down with sin; give us the fullness of your mercy.
I confess my guilt to
you, Lord, do not abandon me, for you are my savior.
My eyes keep watch for
your saving help.
Father,
through the obedience of Jesus,
your servant and your Son,
you raised a fallen world.
Free us from sin
and bring us the joy that lasts forever.
We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit
one God, for ever and ever.
