God's Providence

Because of the snow and cold, scheduled adoration was cancelled for Monday night, but (at least temporarily) the chapel has a tabernacle in it, and the nearby burning red light indicates Jesus is present there.  And MY schedule is to come to be in His Presence on Monday nights.

As I drove up I could see the tabernacle there in the lighted chapel.  Last week (for a different reason) scheduled adoration was also cancelled on Monday (Is God testing my resolve?), and when I came to my midnight hours then the chapel was cold --- VERY cold.  And tonight??  The walkway to the chapel door was not shoveled; some drifts were a bit high.  This seemed not a good sign.  Entering, the temperature didn’t seem that much warmer than the outside --- uh-oh, again?  I began my Monday night prayers with the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary and, as sometimes happens, I became lost in the meditations, on events Mary was facing, and on Jesus’ ways of speaking and entering my life.

In recent weeks I and some of my friends have been facing trials, things beyond our control.  Temptations range from despair to somehow changing our lives or actions to somehow make things better.  But much of our life is not ours to change, but to live through, and trust there is a reason.  Trust, especially in dark times, is hard, but it is like a learned habit; it gets easier with use.  As I read the First Joyful Mystery meditations, The Angel Appearing to Mary, I heard in my mind Mary’s response in a way I would typically state it, to something beyond her control: “You want me to do what?!!”  And then I saw her habits taking over, and I reflected on how she likely came to bear this life-changing news, and then say: “Thy will be done.” 

And then I read the last line of my meditations: I trust in You.

And at that instant, I heard the heat kick on in the chapel; it would not be cold anymore.  And now, a bit later as I write this at one in the morning, someone has come outside the chapel, and I hear the engine roar as he blows the snow from the walkways.  And my path wouldn’t be blocked anymore.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of things, of Mary’s trials, of Jesus’ trials --- and promises --- and of how they still today explain our trials.  So, I guess this is a good day to re-print all those Joyful Mystery meditations, which I wrote about ten years ago, as I went through my trials of beginning to care for my mom, trials which truly changed my life, and helped me to grow in trust.

Perhaps these reflections may be of benefit for you also.  

The Joyful Mysteries

1.      The Annunciation of the Angel to Mary

-  This is what I’d have you do: listen for My Will; resolve to do it.  No matter how hard.
-  Can God really be calling to me?
-  Full of grace – Me??  Lord, I am not worthy.
-  How can I do this.  This will cause me shame, embarrassment, deep sacrifice or pain,
    public humiliation.  Do You want this?

      -  Do not be afraid.
      -  No one who sees me will understand.  They’ll talk; they’ll laugh.
      -  Who am I to question.  Any sacrifice You ask will be more than repaid.
      -  Thy will be done.
      -  In this I find joy. 

-  I trust in You.

2.      The Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth
-  I am not alone.
-  As I care for others, I am caring for You.  And You will care for me.
-  All my Blessings of health, wealth, family, friends – You gave to me because You love me.
-  All I have I offer back.
-  You bring me great joy, more than anything earthly can bring.
-  You stir within me; You will always be there.
-  My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.
-  I am blessed; He has done great things for me.
-  You give me courage to go on; life is good.
-  In this I find Joy.

3.      The Birth of Our Lord
-  Sad, lonely, afraid.  I want to do Your will, but it is so hard – or rather, I am so weak.
-  Does anyone understand my pain?  Are You there?
-  Sometimes it is difficult to accept comfort, even from those closest to me.  It hurts.
-  Thank You that so many difficulties are beyond my control.  If I had to choose to bear
    them, I might have failed.
-  For Thy Will, I accept my pains and sorrows.  I know You will bring good out of them.
-  Out of great sorrow will come great joy – even if I cannot understand it now.
-  When others come to see the Joy, may they see You.  My pains will be my joy, if they
    bring You to others.
-  That You may grow, and I decrease.
-  All Your life, all my life, to do the will of Our Father.
-  In this I find Joy.

4.      The Presentation of Baby Jesus in the Temple
-  I must publicly proclaim the Lord, and celebrate His goodness to me.
-  His Church and rituals are important.
-  I will learn from His family and friends.  He will show me the Way.
-  He will strengthen me in my trials.
-  He will not leave me alone.
-  I can always hear His words proclaimed; He will speak to me.
-  In my fear, I can always go to His presence.
-  His friends teach me His ways.  I must seek them out to know Him.
-  I offer my life to You.
-  In this I find Joy.

5.       The Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple
-  When He seems far away, I am the one lost.  I must seek Him.
-  He always waits in His Church.  Waits for me.
-  No matter how long I’ve been gone, He still loves me.
-  No matter how much in pain, He can still wipe away my tears.
-  He waits to hug me.  He waits to love me.
-  I can always go home.  I can always see Him again
-  If I am to do His will, I must seek Him, all my life.
-  He wants my life for Him; I want His Life for me.
-  My Jesus I Trust In You!
-  In this I find great Joy.

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Later, in my Evening Prayers, I also read Eph 1:3-10, which seemed to summarize it all, as did the prayer at the end of Meditation 58 in the Divine Intimacy book.  And Spurgeon’s Sermon XII in Volume 2 --- the next chapter on my daily readings of his sermons, was on God’s Providence and he explained Ez 1:15-19, which was my concluding reading for the evening.  It was totally filled with insights (ones I needed right now) which I never could have seen in those words on my own, from this preacher who died before I was born.

This was a very grace-filled evening.

When Darkness Comes

At mass last week, the young mother held her new baby a couple of rows up from me, while her two-year old son sat next to her.  On a few occasions he whispered to her, so low I could not hear.  And at the end of mass, she strapped her baby into the carriage and began to leave, but paused in the aisle near to me and whispered to her son: “Did you genuflect?”  And he immediately turned, came to one knee, and slowly made the sign of the cross.

I’ve had some very compelling, sad thoughts on our culture of late.  It seems people are getting used to the darkness, and can’t imagine that a light might exist.  In part, it seems to me, that people are so self-centered, so self-concerned, that they can’t perceive of a light existing beyond them.  Oh, I don’t mean that there aren’t good people in the world, I mean that when things get tough, when challenges are faced, when darkness comes, the first word which comes to their mind is: “I …”

It was a huge blessing that when one of the darkest moments of my life came I was in a church.  (Another time, I was at home in front of a crucifix.)  And, in the darkness I looked up and saw God there, and perceived a light shining in my darkness; I knew I was not alone.  And I went toward that light.  Certainly, when most people face a deep darkness, there is no church or image of Christ nearby, but there can be a faith-filled friend, readily reachable by phone, who will say: “I’ll pray for you.”  We are all meant to be a light for each other in this world.  None of us are saints, but we can be a small light, if we can show enough love to those around us that they’ll think of us, not to borrow money, not to complain to, but to be (even as a last resort) there for them to ask us: “Will you pray for me?”

The Gospel said that the friends of the paralyzed man brought him to the house where Jesus was preaching, but they couldn’t take him inside because the door was blocked by all the people.  I suppose many of us (maybe even me) at that point would have said: “Well, I guess this is not meant to be.”  But these men thought: “There must be another way in.”  They WILLED a solution; they would not give up, and eventually lowered the man through the roof, and he was healed.  When things are darkest, how often do we give in to despair?

Part of our problem is our need for immediate answers.  We want a miracle --- right now! --- but if we get one, we are totally surprised; we yelled into the dark and --- good grief!! --- someone answered.  But many of the most Godly, loving answers to our darkness are not immediate; God sees a bigger picture: there is a reason for our darkness, a reason not easily seen or understood by us lowly men.  This is where trusting in God comes in, even if you don’t see the reason for the darkness, even if you don’t see the light.  You trust it is there.  How many miracles did Jesus’ followers need to see before they believed?  How many do you?  “Blessed is the man who does not see, yet believes.” 

I was in the church the other day, praying about a darkness I didn’t understand, when I felt a bunching in my sleeve, where it rested on the pew in front of me.  I tried to straighten out my coat, but it was okay.  I reached to straighten out my sweatshirt sleeve, but it was okay.  Then I reached into my sleeve and --- pulled out a sock.  How long had that been in there?  How long had its mate sat alone in my sock drawer?  I’m sure when I pulled that one sock out of the dryer weeks ago I had said to myself, with great confidence: “Oh well, the other sock will show up.”  And now it did.  And I think it did to teach me a lesson: I believed there was a reason for the missing sock, and a solution would come.  Why can’t I believe that about dark times?  I could have torn every piece of clothing in that dryer apart until I found that missing sock, but I didn’t, and it showed up weeks later.  Why, in dark times, do we yell at God: “Where is it at, Lord?  Why is this happening?  Can’t You fix this --- now!?”  Why can’t we trust, that things will come together in the future, that there is a reason, that God knows but we can’t, or don’t need to know right now?

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.

The tiny boy in church, who didn’t look old enough to know many words, knew what “genuflect” meant, and did so with reverence.  Even at his young age, he perceived the Light.  I wish more families instilled that knowledge in their children.  I read a study that says that families who pray together each day, stay together, and are greatly happier, than those which are a group of people “doing their own thing.”

It’s never too late for us to learn with a faith that little boy had: There is a Light, waiting to shine in our darkness.  We just need to trust, to persevere; like the men carrying their crippled friend, to know that there is a way in.

It's Only a Moment

Matthew Kelly, in his latest book, The Biggest Lie in the History of Christianity, notes that holiness IS possible for everyone, and how we “can collaborate with God and create a single Holy Moment (that) is life-changing.”  We can begin the walk to becoming saints.  And he goes on to give dozens of examples of simple Holy Moments, starts on the path to sainthood.  I believe a summary of his book might be: “Holy Moments are possible.  Holiness is possible.”

I think Kelly’s words help me to re-frame my thoughts on life.

I was meditating before confession, considering what were my sins since my last confession, how they came about, and how I could put into action a resolve to avoid them in the future.  I think I used to think of sins as events, kind of like a film-clip snippet of my life.  A lot of things happen in my life --- in fact it goes on for 24 hours a day --- but sins, well, they were events on some days.  Sometimes you had to see the story of events before the sin, to see what led up to it, and sometimes you had to watch the events after it, to see its impacts and seriousness.  In fact, some of the film clips of my sin seemed rather long.  That’s why I always took time before confession to think things through.  Sometimes when I thought things out I may have concluded a sin rather minor, while one I hadn’t even noticed loomed large in its impact.  These thoughts helped me be serious about what I was confessing.

Recently, I was considering a sin and I recalled the words of St. Paul: “Why do I do the things I don’t want to do?”  I knew what this sin was; I didn’t want to do it, and yet I did.  And I asked myself why.  And then, God answered.  I heard Him ask me: “You often pray to know and to do my will, to be who I created you to be?”  And I said, “Yes, Lord.”  And then He asked: “At every moment?”  And then the event of my sin, the film clip which my mind was watching changed.  It stopped.  The story became a single, still picture.  A moment.  That was the moment I decided to sin.  And I argued with myself: “No, there were contributing factors, things that led up to and facilitated that sin.  Without those factors it wouldn’t have happened.”  And I heard God reply to my thoughts: “No, at that moment you decided not to do my will, but yours.  I KNOW.  I watched Adam and Eve do the same thing.  And I felt the same way about it.”

And I realized the truth of His words.

Matthew Kelly notes that our living as Christians --- true followers of Christ --- can begin with a single Holy Moment, a single moment when we resolve to do the will of Christ.  Our journey to become saints can start with but a single moment.  But, as my reflections noted, a single moment can also be a start to our being banned from eternal life with God.

It’s only a moment.  What causes us to make good or bad decisions in that moment?  I thought that it was the series of circumstances that happened to me, events that surrounded me.  But no, I now perceive decisions come from what’s within me.  In my heart, do I want to do the will of God for me, --- at every moment?

Certainly, the events with which I choose to surround myself influence my heart.  If I live in and around sinners, my heart will see sin in a lighter tone --- everyone does it.  If I live in and around people focused on living Holy Moments --- even if only occasionally --- my heart will perceive the great value of those moments.  And it is my heart which, at some critical moment, will decide.

Jesus comes to us in the Eucharist, not a Jesus Who came to earth in the past, not a Jesus Who promises to come again, but a Jesus Who is here each moment.  He waits.  We choose.

It’s only a moment.  We’re born into this world.  Our parents may have given us a Holy Moment in Baptism, but soon we have to choose, and from our hearts.  Do we seek to fill our days with God’s will, Holy Moments, or do we choose not to do His will, and sin?  I think we sometimes pretend that thoughts on these matters are something “I’ll consider later.”  And the moments go by, and whether we believe it or not, we are making choices.

Choose to grow in holiness?  Choose to slip in sin?  It’s only a moment, and it’s only our life.  Every moment counts.

Every word, every gesture, every telephone call, every decision
we make should be the most beautiful one of our life,
giving our love and our smile to everyone, without losing a second.

Let every moment of our life be
the first moment,
the last moment,
the only moment.

-- Testimony of Hope, by Van Thuan
(who spent 13 years in communist prisons)

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Life is a mountain.

There it is, a summary in under 20 characters.  You can Tweet it out.  And if you are known as a somewhat serious person, many will read the words and say “Yup,” and move on.  But very few --- perhaps those who think of you as an intelligent person or even a holy one --- will consider the words more deeply, for life is no simple thing.

A one-minute consideration --- a lot for the attention span of most people these days --- will note that life DOES have ups and downs, and whether things are going good or bad just wait; things will change.  This might be the “analysis” of those who consider life a random thing, influenced by its surroundings.  Thinking this way gives people an excuse for the bad things that happen to them, or that they do: “It’s beyond my control.  Don’t blame me.”    (yes, I noticed someone who recently said similar words.)

A deeper consideration of life, perhaps time in study or time in prayer, sees not just the four words, but begins to see a three-dimensional picture of the words.  A mountain goes up and down; it narrows at the top; it widens at the bottom.  Beyond the bottom is plain earth, mud, everything the same.  Beyond the top is eternity; the narrowness of the peak opens into an immensity of beauty beyond. 

If life is a mountain, our life, we’re choosing to go up that mountain, or down it.  Our choices are those moments we spoke of.  Now there may be a path circling the mountain, neither going up nor down, but it’s likely to go in one direction or the other at some point.  Paths are rarely straight lines, and neither is life.

Thinking people know life is not a random thing; we make choices, and we have a reason for those choices.  A person of faith believes God when He says He wants us with Him in eternity, and even if we can’t see the top of our mountain we can see the light there, the light He spoke of.  And with study and prayer, it can become clearer.

Those who study the mountain of life note the implications of its size, wider at the bottom, and therefore there will be more paths to choose from.  And the paths down will be easier, in fact if you aren’t careful you may find yourself running down a path, or even falling and rolling down, beyond control.  Once you start down, it sometimes is difficult to stop.  The paths up, however, are fewer as the mountain narrows, and they are more work to take.  Indeed, some peaks are so steep you can’t get up them yourself, which is a good reason to find someone to travel with you through life, who strongly desires to go in the direction you do, to help you on the more difficult paths.

Life’s path sometimes seems long and weary.  But if we choose, moment by moment, to follow the path up, we will at some point have a view of the destination, and our resolve to enter the eternity won for each of us will become a joy.

They looked up and saw a star,
Shining in the East beyond them far.
And to the earth it gave great light,
And so it continued both day and night.
-- Noel