Many of us started out Lent with some resolutions, things we
wished to do during Lent. I commented
here that for some of us those resolutions were no more firm than New Year’s
Eve resolutions --- quickly forgotten.
But Lent is different, in that New Year’s Day is one day, gone and
quickly forgotten, while Lent goes on for six weeks --- and we hear reminders
of it over and over again, even in the secular media. And if we DID make any resolutions (or felt
guilty that we should have), we many have been guilted into at least making
some minor effort at keeping them.
Hence, the reason for the question in this title: Did you benefit from
your resolutions?
I’m no different than any other man; I made resolutions
intending to please God. In the front of
my mind, I wanted to grow in ways to please Him more (after all, he DID die for
me), while in the back of my mind was the ever present: and I hope to gain
something for myself. I’m no different
than any other man; I want to make myself happy. I tried to do things for God, but I was trying
to do things for myself also. And so now
that Lent is over, I think it is a fair question for me to ask myself: Just
what did I get out of Lent? Did Lent,
and my resolutions (kept or not) make any difference in me, my thinking, my
actions? Am I happier?
I invite you to ask yourself the same questions.
The effects of our Lenten actions could have been short term
or one time, such as I went to mass one morning (or even, good grief,
confession!), or maybe I prayed once for a deceased love one. These results would be good --- even a little
step toward holiness is a step forward. We
can’t beat ourselves up over how fast we are approaching God; you can’t run
until you take that first step. And even
just thinking about him is a good thing; some day when we really need to have
his closeness, we may recall that thought we once had. No effort at growing close to him is a wasted
effort. But perhaps Lent brought you some
bigger impact in your life, perhaps some more longer-lasting impact.
Okay, me first. I’ll
tell you about what changed for me.
Well, I was reasonably honest in keeping my Lenten
resolutions. I kept the radio off in the
car, and I didn’t read any novels for entertainment (except for that one
Catholic novel), and I did find benefits from these actions. I did think more in the car; perhaps some of
the blog posts I wrote were a result of thoughts begun while I rode down dark
roads. And a totally unexpected result
is my resolve to evangelize every day (in a small way): the gold chain and crucifix which has hung
around my neck for many years (a gift from a good friend), I now wear outside
my shirt, visible to all I pass or all who might glance at me. At least a few conversations have already started
because of this small thing, and perhaps God is doing other things I am not
aware of. This was a good result of my
Lenten resolutions. But I think the
greatest result was from some of the books I DID read during Lent.
During Lent, I read and studied the Bible and read various
books by Catholic authors, but a strange thing happened as I read: All the book authors seemed to know each
other. I mean, it seemed to me, somewhat
strangely, that what I read in one book was almost immediately re-enforced by
something I read in another. In one book
I’d read about A and B, and then I’d pick up a second book and almost
immediately I’d read words that said: Do
you realize that A plus B equals C? I
saw these relations between totally un-related books and authors who wrote their
words decades apart. But I saw that they
all made sense. And they all seemed to
point to a key learning which was impressed in my heart: We are
important.
Now I know you are saying: “Big deal --- it took you long
enough, stupid,” but I’d ask you to read my words again. I didn’t say I just learned we are important, I said it was impressed in my heart.
There are many things my brain knows, but I still lack wisdom about
them. I suspect most men are that way,
both the very learned and the very stupid.
Many may act out of human emotions, but not nearly as many act out of spiritual
emotions. We think about many things; we
study scientific relations; we find out how material things work. Not nearly as often do we discover why they work as they do, giving them
real meaning.
- - - - - - - - - -
A car is going down the road, when suddenly it veers to the
right, goes off the road and hits a tree, killing the driver, and then it rolls
over a couple of times down a hill and lands atop a school bus, killing 50
children. A person gets out of bed one
morning and half awake butters some bread and puts it in the toaster and heads
to the shower, and a short time later the toast catches fire, causing the
curtains to flame, which quickly causes the whole house to burn down, killing
three old people in their sleep. A woman
to ensure the safety of her baby has some “routine tests” done during her
pregnancy, and the doctor tells her that there is a 99% chance her baby will
have Down’s Syndrome and encourages an abortion, which she has done. All three of these events are tragedies, but
most people look at them differently.
For the deaths from the car and the toaster, there will be
investigations. The tragic results will
cause investigators to ask: Why? For the car, maybe it was failed brakes; maybe
it was faulty steering; maybe it was a combination of mechanical and human
failures. For the toaster, maybe it was
a lack of instructions on how it should be used; maybe it was set too high;
maybe the wiring shorted causing excessive heat; maybe it was a combination of
mechanical and human failures. In asking
“why” these devices failed one thing will assuredly be in the conclusions: this is not how these things were meant to
operate. They were not made to cause
damage to others --- or to themselves.
And yet they did. That is the
result, and it was the result which triggered the investigation.
As a result of the investigations, it is hoped that perhaps
the devices can be treated better in the future so that they that they function
as they were meant to function. Perhaps
new warnings need to be given on their operation. Perhaps new training of the people who use
them should begin. And perhaps the
investigative results will enable fewer accidents and deaths to happen in the
future --- and enable fewer cars and toasters to have to be repaired or be
replaced.
The reasons the above investigations were because one thing,
not operating as it was designed to do, caused damage to itself ---- and even
more damage to others. It was the
extensive damage to others which caused to investigation to proceed with all
seriousness, and the results to matter --- they were widely published and
resulted in changes to reduce such damages in the future. The example of the woman having an abortion
has all the tragic results of the car or toaster accidents, but we don’t see
it, and so we don’t investigate it, and so the people doing the damage --- and the
resulting damage to many others --- are not investigated. And so the damages continue to go on. And our society is heavily damaged, and many
are dying needless deaths and incurring needless suffering.
This Lent, that last example was impressed in my heart, from
a knowledge about abortion, a knowledge about Christian morality, a knowledge
about the sufferings of post-abortive women, a knowledge about how our society
is in moral decline --- from all these things, I proceeded from a knowledge to
a deep knowing in my being, about the value of being, about the value of
man.
I said I learned that we
are important. That may have not
sounded like such an earth-shattering statement. We all have knowledge of that, and when it
comes to ourselves, we have a strong passion about that: I AM
IMPORTANT!! That’s all well and
good, my friends, for truly each of us is.
But what we know is only “knowledge” until we can answer the question:
WHY? I, you, we, can’t answer any
questions about abortion or any other moral failing, about why “my truth about
that matter is any more real than your truth” until we can arrive at a basis
for discussion of any questions about man:
Just what is man, and, like the car or the toaster, how was he MADE to
function? How can we discuss what is
going wrong with a man --- if indeed something is going wrong --- unless we
know how he was designed to work. For
example, until we understand the design and the intent of the designer, we are
only assuming that all cars are not meant to veer to the right and crash into
trees, and that all toasters are not meant to catch fire. It may be “my truth” that they are meant to
do that ---- it happens too often would be my evidence --- and until we can
agree on what they were designed to do, what is the essence of their being, we
may not be able to agree if they are functioning properly.
That is what I was led to consider and take into my heart
this Lent. At the heart of all my
readings, from the Bible to works of saints or would-be-saints, I saw the
common thread which linked them in my heart.
Everything they were saying that man should do or say, was pointing ---
and sometimes overtly saying --- to a “why” it should be so. All men have a tendency to love themselves,
but WHY love others is a key question.
What in man makes that so essential?
It almost doesn’t seem natural. I
can even construct Christian-sounding arguments about the importance of me
getting ME to heaven --- it can sound like I should make ME number one in
everything. But --- why should I love
you? Why should I think you are so important?
Why should I stifle those whispers urging me to think of myself
first? Why?
The thing which impressed in my heart this Lent was that I
and you are equal in the eyes of God.
And, made in his image, we should be equal in the eyes of each
other. And we should love each other
even as he loves each of us. And that is
so hard. All my human inclinations and
knowledge say some of you are not as intelligent as I am, not as caring about
God and his ways as I am, not as important as I am. And yet I also know that some of who I would
judge this way can look at me and say:
he is not as wise in the ways of the world and loving his neighbor as I
am, and he does not see God in the begger --- like me --- as I do, and he is
only self-important because he has so much and doesn’t have to think about
himself and his needs, as I do.
It is so easy to look at ourselves first. Everyone does. It is easy to say this is a fault --- in
others --- to point at some of our political leaders and so clearly see that
their actions are only done for votes, only done to gain a “surrogate love,”
only done as from a narcissistic personality which only cares about themselves,
but we are not so far from the same.
This Lent, I saw so many actions, words, examples of the message: “I do
this for love”. I do this TO love. I do this because that is the way I was made
to be, the way I was meant to do.
And finally I got it.
I know what I wrote here won’t make any difference to most
people. I know that what I “received”
during Lent was a gift, and perhaps it is not given to many. Certainly I know that it cannot be taught; it
is not a message I can convey to you.
Perhaps even I will look back on these words some day, and my heart will
have gone cold, will have forgotten the depth of the meaning I now feel. Someone once wrote that if you are not
progressing in holiness, you are regressing.
I’ve certainly seen that to be true in my life.
But for now, I have a certain peace in my heart. I don’t think I’ve described it here worth a
darn, but that doesn’t mean it is not present.
How can you describe the essence of a being, what it was created to
be? That is only for God to know.
But I am at peace with him.
This is what Lent has taught me. What has it taught you?
Peace be to you. Why are you troubled, and why do questionings
rise in your hearts? (Mt 24: 36:38)
