Loving Loving

…

That others may be loved more than I,
 Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside ….
that others may be praised and I unnoticed …

That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should …
  --- The Litany of Humility

It is late Holy Thursday night, the night when Jesus was scourged, crucified, mocked and laughed at --- and felt so alone.  I will never pass this night without being with Him; I will remember.

In the Adoration Chapel I began my prayers with the Litany of Humility, as I do every night.  But this night I was quickly shocked from my routine, as I realized that it was not I who was saying those prayers, but rather He --- right now --- was again living them in His actions, in His heart.  He was saying those words of the prayer, for me to hear.

Deliver me from the desire of being loved, … honored, … praised, … approved --- He naturally desired none of those things, which I only pray to minimize in my life.

Deliver me from the fear of being humiliated, …despised, …forgotten, …ridiculed, …wronged --- He willingly accepted all of these things, things that I fear.   

And yet, despite all His humiliations --- a God willingly accepting humiliations --- He did it so that others may increase, …be chosen, …be praised, …be preferred, …be holier --- He willingly suffered these most horrible humiliations and death, as He thought on how much He loved me. Those words (above) are not just words praying for humility, they are words praying to learn how to love.

I had lots of thoughts about sacrificial love tonight.  I recalled the time when my father was dying.  It was so unexpected --- kind of like how Jesus was worshipped on Palm Sunday as if He’d be praised forever more, and then, less than a week later, ….  When Dad’s fatal condition was diagnosed, in a couple of days I consulted lawyers on wills and custody of mom, hospices and nursing homes, caregivers and nurses, movers and ambulance services.  And when all was finally arranged for dad’s transfer from the hospital, --- he died.  And then began a whole new round of preparations and plans.  And tonight, I realized something about those days that I had not considered at the time:  I did all those things out of love.  There was no drudgery or panic, just resolve:  I will do this.  I also recalled a dear friend who went through an even more extensive, intensive preparation for her mom’s dying care, and when all the preparations she made were complete, her mom died suddenly, even as my dad did.  Death comes suddenly, even if we think we prepare for it.  But the important thing, the really important thing is --- as I realized this night --- that as I did, as my friend did, as Jesus did, we prepared for death with love --- not love as some duty or task, but with love from the heart.  What Jesus showed us this Holy Thursday night, what we need to learn, is to love loving --- so that it comes naturally, no matter the cost.

I prayed the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary early in the evening (I’ll pray the Sorrowful later).  Here too I was surprised at the new meaning of the words I prayed, in light of what happened this Holy Thursday night.  This is what I’d have you do:  listen for My Will; resolve to do it.  No matter how hard.  I wrote those meditation words considering Mary’s thoughts at the Annunciation, but they now applied to Jesus’ Passion.  No one who sees me will understand.  They’ll talk; they’ll laugh.  I wrote those words considering Mary’s humiliation on being single and pregnant, but how much more humiliating for a God, who chooses to die.  Sad, lonely, afraid.  I want to do Your will, but it is so hard --- was written considering Mary’s birth pains, but now they apply equally well to Jesus’ death pains.  No matter how much in pain, He can still wipe away my tears --- I wrote those words considering my own pains and that God is always there for me.  Tonight, I saw a different meaning in those words:  No matter how much HE is in pain, He can still wipe away my tears --- even in His most terrible sufferings, He was still thinking of me.  That’s what real love does.

Also, this night I prayed the Stations of the Cross.  The words of those meditations continued the squeeze on my heart:

I do not suffer alone   - 2^nd Station

He identifies with our difficulties  - 3^rd Station

The most distant object I can see on a clear day is the sun.
But on a dark night I can see the stars,
millions of miles farther away.
Darkness has its spiritual value.  – 11^th Station

If I have lived with love, that is how I shall die.
If not, that will be a tragedy.  – 12^th Station

Loving loving.  That’s the lesson, and challenge, I have learned this night.  I was shown that I have had some past success in loving --- I can do it; the challenge put before me this night is to do it until I die.  If not, that will be a tragedy.

Loving loving needs to become part of our nature, our reason or living.  And our last thoughts at our dying.

Who Am I?

Jesus was true God and true man, but it seems when we think on that fact we often are confused.  How can He be two beings at once?  And then we often dismiss that question with our quick-to-mind all-encompassing answer regarding God issues:  He is a mystery.  That’s a true answer, sure, since we can never totally understand God, but it’s also a cop-out, and a dismissal of the subsequent question which we really cannot dismiss.  We know (but not understand) who He is, but:  Who Am I?

My experience is that many of us were “made” by the people in our lives.  From our parents to teachers to friends and family, we were formed by our interactions with others.  We learned.  We considered.  And we acted based on how our minds were formed.  “That’s who I am,” we sometimes say in justifying our recent words or actions. 

Every man is free, having received his liberty from God; therefore, he has the right to govern himself according to his own judgment and personal views.  – Divine Intimacy P346

Yet despite this freedom to govern ourselves, Jesus said: “If any man would come after Me, let him deny himself.  – Mt 16:24.

But in this freedom:  Who am I?  We are more than just our free physical actions, and we are more than mere reflections of the men who influenced us.  As we so often forget, in our lives there is God, too.  He created us --- and what greater influence on us could there be than that?  And most importantly, Jesus came to show us and tell us that God continually influences us; He interacts with us through our spiritual lives.  He said: “I will send you My Spirit,” to be with you always.

We seem confused how Jesus can be true God and true man, but in a very real way, we too are both spiritual and physical beings.  Do we take the time to understand this about ourselves? 

Jesus died to open the gates of heaven, and He gave us the Holy Spirit as a path to it.  The doors of heaven are open, but (and here Jesus would strongly agree with the oft-stressed words of our culture), “we are free to choose.”  But the door to heaven isn’t a mystery like the game show which asked: “Do you want what’s behind door number 1, or door number 2 or door number 3?”  Jesus lived and spoke and gave us the gifts of His Holy Spirit to help us see what is behind the door of heaven --- and it’s more than we could ever imagine.

We just have to choose.

But how do we do that?  Now you might say that: “Well, I prayed for God’s blessings or even for the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, but nothing happened.”  Remember, you are both spiritual and physical beings.  How did the physical side of who you are now come about?  Did your mom give birth and then set you on the doorstep and say: “Well, there’s the world, go out and get an education, a good job, find a good spouse and have a good life.  See yah!”  No, of course not; all those things which lead to a good physical life came about because others’ help, helping us to grow into that good person, able to lead that good physical life.  So why would you think that a good spiritual life --- such a more important life --- would come about easier, faster than your physical growth?

Just as a baby’s first words start the communication path which will support its physical growth, so our first prayers will start the conversation to bring about our spiritual growth.  And at some point, just like in that math class with all its goofy formulas when we said: “Aha!  I see it now!”  So at some point we will say in our prayers: “Aha!  I see You now!”  And we will know Him, His love, and will desire to do ANYTHING to be with Him, always.  And He will lead us home.

Our spiritual life starts with a simple: “I trust in You” prayer, and over time it ends with a sincere “I trust in You” conviction.  It takes time for us to grow, physically or spiritually.  It takes effort.  It takes dedication.  But the results will make us who we were created to be.

And then we shall truly know the answer to that most important question of who we are.      

Are We Doomed?

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your
soul and with all your strength and with all your mind,
 and love your neighbor as yourself.”

Germany:  Nazis vs Jews

South Africa:  Blacks vs Whites

Ireland:  Protestants vs Catholics

United States:  Democrats vs Republicans

Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.

Religion and history are no longer taught in our schools.