Why I Talk to God

It was a blustery, wintery day --- or rather, night.  I subbed at the adoration chapel from 2-3AM last night.  On the drive home from the chapel, the winter wind blew in huge gusts, rocking my car from side to side, and then, suddenly, a heavy snow began to fall.  It was like being in a giant dust storm of white; I could see nothing beyond the hood of my car and the white wall in front of my windshield.  I was driving in a black hole, like outer space.  The road had rumble strips on the double-yellow center lines and on the white lines marking the shoulder, although I couldn’t see them.  But now I REALLY knew what those strips were for.  I heard the rumbles in my tires often; they were my eyes for correcting my direction, as I slowly crept along.  It was a great time for prayer, I guess, and I’m sure I spoke to God and my guardian angel, but I was concentrating very intently on the road I couldn’t see, but only hear.

About 10 minutes passed --- it seemed like an hour.  I’m sure the radio was on, but the only thing I heard was those almost constant rumbles from the tires as I neared the edge of the road and corrected, and corrected, and corrected as I wove back and forth.  I had one brief thought:  I wondered what I’d do if I found myself crashed in the roadside ditch, or suddenly driving across the dirt farmland that lined either side of the road.  Finally, there was a pause in the wind, and through the heavy snow my headlights showed the roadside lines, the double yellow ones --- which I saw to the right of my car!!  I had been driving for miles in the on-coming traffic lane.

A few minutes later, some roadside business lights finally broke the darkness, their lights defining the road edges.  A bit later I saw a couple of cars coming towards me, in the lane I had abandoned, heading towards the total blackness behind me.  Living near a big city, I wondered how often I had traveled that stretch of road I’d just completed, without seeing another car.  The word “rare” would not define how rare that was, at any hour of the day or night.  It was a well-travelled road.  And yet, when necessary to keep me safe, beyond all odds, there was no oncoming traffic last night as I traveled in the darkness.

In the late night, I had spent an hour in God’s house, and then in my dark time He had spent 10 minutes with me.  I know I was not alone.

In recent weeks I’ve meditated on (and written here) about dark times in the Church, in the world and in our lives.  The times I wrote about ate at our insides, and tested our faith.  Last night, however, I was reminded of another dark time, through a most literal example.  During last night’s dark time I wasn’t begging God for help; I wasn’t in a deep stressful anxiety thinking about events.  Instead, I had an immediate problem right in front of me and I used all the talents God gave me, all my concentration, to get through it.  When the task was over, I breathed a sigh of relief, not unlike the sigh I breathed when a particularly difficult work project or work deadline was met:  Whew!  I did it!  But, you see, I KNOW “I” didn’t do it last night.  God did.

How many times in our lives did God keep us safe, and we weren’t even aware of the perils we had faced?  We accepted as coincidences the accident we narrowly avoided, the work deadline we couldn’t meet that was suddenly extended, or the article we happened to read that gave an answer to the problem we were worried about.  But they weren’t coincidences, and we never knew it.

Last night, by all the odds I know, I should have died or been seriously injured.  Again.  I recall most clearly a couple of other instances in my life when death was very close.  I’ve seen death in circumstances which I lived through.  There is a reason for my life.

There is a reason for your life.

We live our lives vacillating between good times and times of trial.  Spiritually, they’re called times of consolation or desolation.  There is a spiritual name for those times because --- although we are living events in this world --- they are spiritual events. We are not only in this world, in our lives, alone.  God is with us.

There are reasons for the events of my life and of your life, and the One Who knows The Reasons Why waits for us to talk to Him about them.

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My son, when you come to serve the LORD,
stand in justice and fear,
prepare yourself for trials.
Be sincere of heart and steadfast,
incline your ear and receive the word of understanding,
undisturbed in time of adversity.
Wait on God, with patience, cling to him, forsake him not;
thus will you be wise in all your ways.
Accept whatever befalls you,
when sorrowful, be steadfast,
and in crushing misfortune be patient;
For in fire gold and silver are tested,
and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation.
Trust God and God will help you;
trust in him, and he will direct your way;
keep his fear and grow old therein.

You who fear the LORD, wait for his mercy,
turn not away lest you fall.
You who fear the LORD, trust him,
and your reward will not be lost.
You who fear the LORD, hope for good things,
for lasting joy and mercy.
You who fear the LORD, love him,
and your hearts will be enlightened.
Study the generations long past and understand;
has anyone hoped in the LORD and been disappointed?
Has anyone persevered in his commandments and been forsaken?
has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?
Compassionate and merciful is the LORD;
he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble
and he is a protector to all who seek him in truth.

Today’s First Reading:  Sir 2:1-11