Affection

To be honest, sometimes the men’s Bible Study group seems a bit tedious; they talk about golf and vacations and children, and my mind wanders.  For the past few weeks, however, we have been stuck on a single sentence said by St. Peter --- and still are not through it --- but the time spent has been anything but tedious.

For this reason, make every effort to supplement your faith
with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control,
self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion,
devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love.
-- 2Pt 11:5-7

The first part of that sentence talks about building ourselves to be more Christ-like; this morning we finally spoke about “mutual affection.”  Having laid our foundation, now comes the first action part of the statement: stand on that foundation and DO something, and that something is to have affection (like?) for our neighbor.  The guys spoke, this morning, about levels of commitment to affection.  If each of those earlier words of Peter were a step along the way, “mutual affection” was really several steps up.  “Mutual affections” is really a series of steps, each higher, each more difficult to achieve.  Sometimes we can’t bring ourselves to care about people at all; we have to work at it.  Sometimes the step seems tall; sometimes we think the person is not likeable, to justify our failure to step up.  We need to remember that there were lots of “un-likeable” people that Jesus bore with, and even loved!  Peter is talking to his followers here when he says they need “mutual” affection; he is telling Christians to love one another.  I heard a very good talk yesterday on preparing for funerals and burials --- and not at the last minute.  One person questioned who could have a Catholic mass and funeral; their children had fallen away and did not practice any faith.  The answer was all of them qualified if they’d been Baptized.  God welcomes all who are His, even if they haven’t led (in our estimation) good lives.  It made me consider, relative to the discussions on mutual affection, why do we so quickly judge others, yet think we are following the example of Jesus?

Growing close to people; bearing with the things we don’t like about them yet still being their friend is something worth working at.  Oh, there are these many levels/steps of affection, and perhaps we are blessed if we really have only one true friend.  Still, regardless of how much foundation we have in our Christian faith, reaching out in affection to others is the whole reason for building that foundation.

I told the guys about some characters in a novel I am reading.  A woman detective has a life-log friend who she meets with each week for lunch.  She discusses her cases, and her friend discusses her husband and children.  The detective years for the life of her friend, and all the love it entails.  And then, one day, her friend says she is leaving her husband and kids for another man.  She looks at the detective and says: “And so now you hate me too.”  And after a time of quiet, the detective lady says: “Talk to me.”  It’s only a fictional novel, but I asked the Bible Study guys: “Who of us has friends like that?”

Affection, friendship, respect, limits/boundaries, these are difficult topics, and the men haven’t even gotten to the final words of St. Peter: “with love”.

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Why then, man, are you so worthless in your own eyes and yet
so precious to God?  Why render yourself dishonor when you
are honored by Him?  Why do you ask how you were created
and do not seek to know why you were made?
-- St. Peter Chrysologus (feast day July 30^th)

On Thursday, one of the regular deliver guys was on vacation, so I was asked to deliver groceries to two additional homes.  At the first, I knocked on the door, but no one answered, so I knocked louder.  I could hear a television playing.  I tried the door; it was unlocked, so I went in carrying the groceries.  “Open Door Ministry groceries,” I spoke loudly.  There was no answer, but I turned and saw the young man, perhaps 12 years old, laying on the couch watching television, clothed only in a diaper, rocking gently back and forth while sucking on a baby’s pacifier.  A woman walked into the room, and seeing me thanked me and told me where I might lay the groceries.  She thanked me again, and I wished her a nice day.

The second home was much nicer than the first.  Again here, my knock was not immediately answered, but I could see someone slowly approaching the glass sliding doors I stood before.  The black lady was tall and stately, smiling --- and blind.  After I identified myself, she asked me in, and directed me to put the groceries on her kitchen counter.  It, like the rest of the house I could see, looked clean and well-ordered.  How many people must be helping her keep it clean and orderly, I wondered.  In just the few moments I knew her, however, I could guess it must be a great humility for her to depend on others, yet insist on living alone as she does.  After I put the groceries down, I quietly closed the refrigerator door which had stood wide open for who knows how long.  She thanked me again, and I wished her a good day, as I left and closed the sliding glass door.

Two people God put into my life, even if for just a few moments.  I pray I treated them with some level of affection, and really meant it.  It is so easy to judge lives that are different from ours.  It is so hard to enter into lives like those, and treat the with some level of affection, without judgment.  And yet, even some silly detective in a dime store novel could show us how it’s done.

And my Bible Study friends and I continue to discuss, how can we bear those the Lord puts into our lives.  It is something to work at, and pray over.

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Finally, on a related matter, I couldn’t help myself, nor stop my somewhat un-affectionate response to recent events in this country.  Here is a letter I wrote to the editors of the Wall Street Journal.  I’m sure it won’t reach print (thankfully), but it is an example of how we all feel frustration, not affection, “for THOSE people” in our lives:

Subject:           Money is Worthless.

FACTS:  The WSJ reported the impact of 15 years of free college for residents of Kalamazoo Michigan: no significant increase in graduation rates, college participation, or happiness, regardless of ethnic group, social class, or income.

FACTS: Eight million people got free Obama-healthcare:  Emergency room visits skyrocketed, but there is no data on increased healthy living, disease elimination, obesity reduction, or happiness among these people.

FACTS:  Throwing money at big city crime, killings, joblessness and general unhappiness for over 50 years has resulted in little change in our big cities.

People in poor African villages are happier than most Americans.  How about instead of throwing money at problems we start focusing on individual people and communities to make them feel wanted, to bear their problems with them, to share happiness with them, not just throwing money at them which they are not prepared to handle well.  How about more college courses not focused on making students rich or happy, but focused on teaching them how to make their neighbor happy, courses teaching that a successful life is not about how much you get for yourself, but how much you give of yourself.

Money has proven worthless in fixing the big problems of this country.  Where are the politicians who will talk about these facts? Where are the success metrics which show not how much money was spent, but which programs made people healthier, made them better a family, neighbors, church community members, and made them happier.  These are success stories I want to see.

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We who are strong in faith should be patient with the
scruples of those whose faith is weak; we must not be
selfish.  Each should please his neighbor so as to do him
good by building up his spirit.
-- Romans 15:1-2