Caregiving

Each evening I read and meditate on tomorrow’s Gospel.  Tonight, in error, I thought tomorrow was May 14, so I read the Gospel for the Feast Day of St. Matthias, apostle, which is John 15:9-17.  There were many great reflections in the book, The Better Part, I was reading.  And at the end I happened to glance at my bookmark there:

I had just read those words on the bookmark; I don’t believe in coincidences.

“As the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you; abide in my love” begins that Gospel of John.  It later emphasizes: “This is my commandment:  love one another as I have loved you.”

The meditation on the Gospel notes that “this is the last time they will be gathered in this way (at the Last Supper) until they meet again in eternity.”  The author notes that “everyone on their deathbed has their final words … to leave as their legacy.”  Jesus’ final words here were: “Love one another as I love you.” 

“Jesus, God Himself, teaches us the nature of love.  Love is self-giving; the greater the self-giving, the greater the love.  ‘A man can have no greater love than to lay down his life for his friends.’  When we put our lives at the service of others, when we live in order to give and not to take, when we are willing to suffer so that someone else can rejoice, then we may call ourselves His disciples.”

To me, those words describe caregiving.  I have known many saintly caregivers.  I admire each one.

My life changed when I began caring for my mom.  It began subtle, and then became very real.  My love for her, my actions for her, far superseded anything I wanted for myself.  My thoughts, my plans, my ego fell by the wayside.  In caring for my mother, God showed me what love really is, in a way I had never known.  It is the love He has for us, and He wanted to teach me how to: Love one another as I love you.”  It was a lesson learned late in my life.  The words of St. Augustine still haunt me: “Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty, ever ancient, ever new.  Late have I loved Thee.”  If I had known such a love earlier in my life, what wonderful things I could have done, with all the blessings God gave me.

But, as I recently posted in a picture done by a friend for me, God is not “I was” nor “I will be”, He is I AM.  Regretting the past or worrying about the future are things WE do, but He is I AM, here right now.  So, whether we are in a caregiving role now and learning, or have learned from past caregiving, we too are learning to live in the now, in love.  And our life, and the world, will be better for it.

If you have ever been a caregiver, you have learned “to give and not to take, … to suffer so that someone else can rejoice.”

You have learned the lesson Jesus died to give us.