How I Love Thee

 

 

O Deus Ego Amo Te

O God, I love Thee, I love Thee ---
Not out of hope of heaven for me
Nor fearing not to love,
 and be In the everlasting burning.

Thou, Thou, my Jesus, after me
Didst reach Thine arms out dying,
For my sake sufferedst nails and lance,
Mocked and marred countenance,

Sorrows passing number,
Sweat and care and cumber,
Yea and death, and this for ME
And Thou couldst see me sinning !!!

Then I, why should not I love Thee,
Jesu, so much in love with me?
Not for heaven’s sake; not to be
Out of hell by loving Thee;

Not for any gain I see;
But just the way that Thou didst me
I do love and I WILL love Thee;
What must I love Thee, Lord, for then?
For being my King and God.  Amen.

 

--- Gerard Manley Hopkins

 

 

It’s amazing how you can read things 1000 times, and then suddenly you read it again and it hits you with new meaning.  The Bible is like that, but the above prayer in my breviary, which I glanced at, at least 100 times over the years, suddenly hit me yesterday, and I underlined some of the words as above.  I guess Lent and reflections on the Passion will do that.  I’ve been reading some deep reflections on the Passion this Lent.

This morning, however, I listened to Deacon Tom Lowe on Notes From Above, on the local Catholic Radio station.  In recent weeks his show, with Sr. Sarah, has had some wonderful music and reflections.  Dcn Tom spoke about Judas, and his betrayal, and looked at it deeply in a way I’m not sure I’ve reflected upon, or at least not recently.  He posited on what Judas was thinking when he betrayed Jesus.

He and the other apostles likely accepted that Jesus was the long-awaited Messiah, but their expectations on what the Messiah would do upon his arrival were not what Jesus was doing.  And after the triumphant arrival in Jerusalem and the large crowds singing hosannah they may have thought this was the time.  This was the time for the Messiah to take charge of his people and cast out the Romans.  He had spoken to them of suffering and dying for them, but they likely thought that was what a warrior leader would say, but it confused them somewhat.  Perhaps, Dcn Tom mused, it confused Judas more.  Why wasn’t Jesus leading the charge?  Perhaps Judas thought that Jesus was too humble, and he didn’t appreciate what the Messiah should do, to take charge and lead his people.  So perhaps the betrayal was just a nudge to get him to take action.  Judas had seen all the miracles, huge miracles, Jesus had done.  If the Romans came to arrest him, would THAT be the thing which finally triggered him to action?  Despite what Jesus said, perhaps Judas really didn’t have any idea what Jesus meant.  Maybe he betrayed Jesus to trigger him to start his kingship reign on earth.  “Surely,” he may have thought, “he will never allow himself to be arrested.  I’ve seen all his miracles.  And what a big one it will be when these Roman idiots try to arrest him.”  Maybe Judas thought his kiss of Jesus was that of a friend --- “I’m doing this for you, to trigger you to action.  You’ll thank me for doing this, just wait.” 

And maybe when Judas saw what was happening, what Jesus was letting happen ---- and Judas knew Jesus could stop it if he wanted to --- then, then finally, Judas got it.  And now he was more than embarrassed for having tried to trigger Jesus to action, action Judas thought He was meant to do.  Maybe that’s why Judas tossed the coins back at the Romans saying, in effect, this is not what I thought would happen.  And when he saw it carried out to the end, perhaps only then did he realize that it was HE who had betrayed the Messiah and the Jewish people he loved.  And then he committed Suicide.

That reflection on Judas’ motives were striking to me.  Maybe he thought he was just doing what was right??  And then I thought how many times I act that way. O Deus ego amo te.

Review: Conversion

      

     Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.              
        -- Blessed John Henry Newman

    Never look down on a person unless you are picking him up.
                                   --- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

    What does it profit you if Christ comes in the flesh,  unless he also comes to your soul?
                                    --- Origen

 Fr. Haggerty is a man of deep prayer and thoughts.  This book’s subtitle “Spiritual Insights Into an Essential Encounter with God” says this well.  But even before his words, the start of each chapter has a few quotes, like those above, which are in themselves great insights.

I found the adoration chapel to be an absolutely wonderful place to read and reflect on Fr. Haggerty’s words of this book, --- and talk to Jesus about them.  Although the book has topic-focused chapters, every point he makes is done in only a paragraph or two, then there is a space in the book, indicating that this might be a point at which the reader might pause and reflect.  I had many underlines in the text, often done during my reflections.  They are things I want to come back to, and spend more time thinking about, like this one:

The poor … leave a mark on our soul, often for a reason we understand only later or perhaps only at final judgment.  Every turning aside from a poor person remains with us even if the contact is momentary.

In the final chapter Fr. Haggerty writes about conversion --- or perhaps re-conversion would better describe his point.  He gives many examples to strengthen our understanding of how this might come about.  I know I am an example of the following words he wrote:

“God meets a soul at a crossroad of life, and in some unexpected way makes his real presence known.  A personal encounter with the real mystery of a personal God is at the heart of every great conversion.

As He dragged me to Medjugorje in 1987, THE major crossroad of my life.

Music to my Ears

 

It’s sometimes happened, that when I turned on my car I hear words on the radio that it seems are meant for me, said on the Catholic radio station I usually am tuned to.  On rarer occasions, it seems I am tuned to another station, and a similar event happens.  This morning was one of those mornings.

I started my car to leave for church and I heard a song being sung that was obviously country music (I rarely listen to that country music station; I don’t know why my radio went there).  I reached to turn the radio channel, but then I listened to the song words, and they touched my heart, as I headed out to talk with Jesus:

 

You do something to me that I can't explain
Hold me closer and I feel no pain
Every beat of my heart
We got something going on

… Tender love is blind
It requires a dedication
All this love we feel needs no conversation
We ride it together, ah ha
Making love with each other, ah ha
… Islands in the stream

That is what we are
No one in between
How can we be wrong?
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other, ah ha
From one lover to another, ah ha
… Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in between

 

 The song was titled: From One Lover to Another.  It seemed appropriate to sing, as I drove this morning to be with Jesus.  And as it ended, the station commercial mentioned God and the importance of prayer.  Hmmmmmm.  Perhaps I will turn to this station (WYCD – Detroit Country 99.5 FM) more often.

Mary Answered

 

Yesterday I showed signs of having a cold, the first in I don’t know how many years.  I first noticed it in the adoration chapel, the runny nose, a couple of sneezes, and warm cheeks.  When I arrived home, I took my temperature, which was slightly over 100 degrees.  Yep, it seems 1) I had a cold, which I caught who knows where.

I went to the local drug store which had thousands of varieties of medicines, so I called my doctor’s office.  His office is now part of a chain, and so I got an operator, asking who I wanted.  I told her my doctor’s name and she commented “Well, it’s after 5 and he may not be there, but I’ll connect you“.  2) What I heard was a beeping sound; she had dialed a fax number.  So, I got into my car and drove to his office.

When I arrived at his office, the door was locked, but a small light was on over his admin’s desk.  I didn’t see her; was that a night light?  But I waited a few moments, and then I saw her.  I may have tapped the window, but she saw me and 3) Mary came over and unlocked the door.  I told her why I had come, and she invited me inside; I didn’t see the doctor.  She said a common medicine was a certain brand, which was not over the counter, and to get a nasal spray --- and sleep.  “If you don’t feel better, call me in the morning and I’ll fit you in.”  And she gave me her direct number.

4) I purchased both medicines and took a dose (although I couldn’t get the nasal spray to work), and at 10PM, I took a second dose and went to bed.  I slept soundly until 2AM, which was the time for my next dose.  Then I slept until 6AM, and with my normal morning meds took another dose and prayed the rosary for our country.  And I went back to sleep.  I slept soundly until 9AM.  I took my temperature again, and it was 96 degrees, and although I felt much better, I still had a small nasal drip.

Then, I thought of what Mary had done for me yesterday --- something she didn’t have to --- and went to a nearby store to pick up some flowers their florist makes.  When I arrived, the floral refrigerator there was empty.  Oh no!  But then he walked in, and said 5) he was early today, and would make me an arrangement in 5 minutes.

6) I took the arrangement to Mary and thanked her for answering the door for me yesterday.  She gasped when she saw the flowers.  She seemed (to me) as if she might be holding back tears, and then she said 7) “Thank you, Tom.  I really needed these.”  And she came over and hugged me tightly.

She said she had told the doctor about my visit, and he had sent a prescription to the drug store this morning, which I could pick up.  And I did.  The druggist couldn’t get my nasal spray to work either, but he gave me a double-pack to replace it, testing one before he gave it to me.  And I came home. 
8) I cancelled my Bible study today, and my dentist appointment tomorrow.

A sequence of 8 events led me to where I am right now.  Why?  Is there something I should do (or avoid doing) while I am home a couple of days?  I’ll pray about it.  But looking back at those 8 events, each dependent upon the previous events, I saw their unique relationship.  Each could easily NOT have happened.  But, they did happen, --- for me.  Or, --- was it for Mary, who needed to see that she and what she does is important.  Or, --- was it for someone else along the way who needed me in their life at just that moment?  Or, --- was it for the events I cancelled, which didn’t need me there for some reason?  The point of these thoughts is that our life matters.  We are not alone in this world, and whether we intend to or not, we influence other people, in ways we likely will never know or understand.

We are each a unique life, which didn’t have to happen, but God made us for a reason --- via events which happened in our parent’s lives.  And our God is a God who loves us each uniquely, like no other.  And we are not alone, not even on our worst days when we feel so alone.  He is here, with us.  Whether we speak to Him in prayer then, or he speaks to us --- like perhaps by having someone bring us flowers, He is a God who never forgets us.  All things, even seemingly the worst, are part of His beautiful plan of creation.  And someday we’ll understand that plan, when we meet Him face to face.  But, for now just thank Him, for everything.  Oh, and today you might thank someone for doing you some little kindness, which they didn’t have to do.