How I Love Thee

 

 

O Deus Ego Amo Te

O God, I love Thee, I love Thee ---
Not out of hope of heaven for me
Nor fearing not to love,
 and be In the everlasting burning.

Thou, Thou, my Jesus, after me
Didst reach Thine arms out dying,
For my sake sufferedst nails and lance,
Mocked and marred countenance,

Sorrows passing number,
Sweat and care and cumber,
Yea and death, and this for ME
And Thou couldst see me sinning !!!

Then I, why should not I love Thee,
Jesu, so much in love with me?
Not for heaven’s sake; not to be
Out of hell by loving Thee;

Not for any gain I see;
But just the way that Thou didst me
I do love and I WILL love Thee;
What must I love Thee, Lord, for then?
For being my King and God.  Amen.

 

--- Gerard Manley Hopkins

 

 

It’s amazing how you can read things 1000 times, and then suddenly you read it again and it hits you with new meaning.  The Bible is like that, but the above prayer in my breviary, which I glanced at, at least 100 times over the years, suddenly hit me yesterday, and I underlined some of the words as above.  I guess Lent and reflections on the Passion will do that.  I’ve been reading some deep reflections on the Passion this Lent.

This morning, however, I listened to Deacon Tom Lowe on Notes From Above, on the local Catholic Radio station.  In recent weeks his show, with Sr. Sarah, has had some wonderful music and reflections.  Dcn Tom spoke about Judas, and his betrayal, and looked at it deeply in a way I’m not sure I’ve reflected upon, or at least not recently.  He posited on what Judas was thinking when he betrayed Jesus.

He and the other apostles likely accepted that Jesus was the long-awaited Messiah, but their expectations on what the Messiah would do upon his arrival were not what Jesus was doing.  And after the triumphant arrival in Jerusalem and the large crowds singing hosannah they may have thought this was the time.  This was the time for the Messiah to take charge of his people and cast out the Romans.  He had spoken to them of suffering and dying for them, but they likely thought that was what a warrior leader would say, but it confused them somewhat.  Perhaps, Dcn Tom mused, it confused Judas more.  Why wasn’t Jesus leading the charge?  Perhaps Judas thought that Jesus was too humble, and he didn’t appreciate what the Messiah should do, to take charge and lead his people.  So perhaps the betrayal was just a nudge to get him to take action.  Judas had seen all the miracles, huge miracles, Jesus had done.  If the Romans came to arrest him, would THAT be the thing which finally triggered him to action?  Despite what Jesus said, perhaps Judas really didn’t have any idea what Jesus meant.  Maybe he betrayed Jesus to trigger him to start his kingship reign on earth.  “Surely,” he may have thought, “he will never allow himself to be arrested.  I’ve seen all his miracles.  And what a big one it will be when these Roman idiots try to arrest him.”  Maybe Judas thought his kiss of Jesus was that of a friend --- “I’m doing this for you, to trigger you to action.  You’ll thank me for doing this, just wait.” 

And maybe when Judas saw what was happening, what Jesus was letting happen ---- and Judas knew Jesus could stop it if he wanted to --- then, then finally, Judas got it.  And now he was more than embarrassed for having tried to trigger Jesus to action, action Judas thought He was meant to do.  Maybe that’s why Judas tossed the coins back at the Romans saying, in effect, this is not what I thought would happen.  And when he saw it carried out to the end, perhaps only then did he realize that it was HE who had betrayed the Messiah and the Jewish people he loved.  And then he committed Suicide.

That reflection on Judas’ motives were striking to me.  Maybe he thought he was just doing what was right??  And then I thought how many times I act that way. O Deus ego amo te.