Push On

I gave no thought to what lies behind but push on to what is ahead …
All of us who are spiritually mature must have this attitude …
It is important that we continue on our course,
no matter what stage we have reached.

Phil 3:14-16

Those words of St Paul’s letter struck a chord with me, and I recalled some words I have been hearing lately from a number of my friends.  In summary, they seemed to be saying: “I’m stuck.”  They are stuck in thoughts of their yesterdays which haunt their todays, and time seems to have stopped for them.

For some it was a grievous sin they recall, for which God may have forgiven them, but they can’t forgive themselves.  For others it was a failure --- real or imagined I do not know, because they told me how others didn’t view their lapse as a failure … but they did.  And it didn’t seem to matter who they had failed:  some said their spouse, others their children, another said his parent, and one said he failed himself.  Regardless, they all thought:  “How could I do THAT (or fail to do that) to THAT PERSON, “that person” being someone whom they regarded as most important.  And in their failure, in their guilt, they were “stuck.”

If I offered any thoughts at all to my friends, it was to leave the past in the past, but live today for a better tomorrow.  The topic of Confession and forgiveness may also have come up.  But guilt is a sharp arrow, and it pierces deeply into the heart, and it is hard to pull it out and let the healing begin.  And I know some of them walked away no less sad after our conversation.

I guess that’s why St. Paul’s quote caught my attention.  He gives “no thought to what lies behind …”  This is the man who is regarded as killing St. Stephen, the first martyr.  And how many others did Paul (then called Saul) kill?  And how many more was he planning on killing … when he was thrown from his horse and blinded by God?  At that moment and afterwards, when he could no longer deny the evils --- the MURDERS --- that he had done, what guilt must Saul have felt?  And while in our guilt we may choose to ignore God and wallow in self-pity, Saul had no such option.  Jesus appeared right in front of him.  Guilt was like a huge spear in HIS heart, that’s what Saul must have felt.

And so when he was thrown to the ground, and when he realized the greatness of his sins, why didn’t Saul just not bother to get up?  Why didn’t he contemplate suicide, or yell to his contemporaries:  “Please!  Kill me!”  If anyone should have EVER felt paralyzing guilt, surely Saul did.

I think the answer lies in those further words of Paul’s letter:  those “who are spiritually mature” must push on.  “It is important we continue our course, no matter what stage we have reached.”

With Saul’s being thrown from his horse, while enroute to kill more Christians, a stage of his life was ending.  When he heard Jesus’ voice, he knew his life was changing.  He didn’t know the details of how it was changing, he would learn that, but he knew it was.  He had become more “spiritually mature,” and so Paul pushed on.

Paul tells us we must all push on, “continue our course” of growing in spiritual maturity.  We can’t become “stuck” in our past failures --- or even our past successes!  “No matter what stage we have reached” until our death and union with Jesus in heaven, we must continue, becoming even more spiritually mature. 

How we become more spiritually mature varies for each of us.  For some, Confession and hearing the words of forgiveness are enough for us to “push on.”  For others, reading and meditating on Scripture or spiritual writings, spending more time in prayer, or focusing on helping others enables them to stop focusing on themselves. 

And I guess that’s the key point:  people who are stuck are focusing on themselves, but they don’t realize it.  They think they are focusing on the ones they somehow failed or hurt, but they’re not.  The two Great Commandments were above love, but they weren’t focused on self-love.  People who are “stuck” need to find some humility --- their life is not only about themselves.  Humility has been defined as a “focusing on God’s will, not ours”.  (Jesus, in His model prayer, said:  “Thy will be done.”)  If they truly did fail somehow or someone in the past and it bothers them deeply, they need to seek God’s will and “push on.”   (In His Agony in the Garden Jesus prayed:  “My Father, if it be possible, let this chalice pass from me.  Nevertheless, not as I will …” In His pain, Jesus pushed on.)   We need to remember that our life is not about ourselves; its purpose, God’s will for us, is in loving God and others, now and in the future. 

We can’t get on with our life if we can’t walk away from the mirror, focused on ourselves.

Our spiritual journey is filled with ups and downs.  Everyone sins, more or less, but when down, we need to get up.  It’s the only way to advance --- even if it was God Himself who threw us down!  As St. Paul noted, he gives “no thought to what lies behind”, but pushes on to what is ahead.

So must we.