Jesus --- I Trust In You

Jesus, I trust in You.

The words of that prayer came into my heart in response to my feelings of woe. 

In recent weeks, this whole Advent season in fact, God has blessed me in many ways and helped me bless others, and I felt during these weeks that I knew what the word “joy” truly meant.  But these last few days I have felt no joy, and my heart has been heavy.  And strangely these woes began over what is really the most unimportant of things:  money.

PAST EVENTS
In June I booked my Thanksgiving flight to Arizona with Delta, and through their website my hotel and car also.  Delta confirmed the bookings and immediately billed me for the hotel.  Then, last month in Arizona, after one night at that hotel I witness drug dealers in the parking lot --- and they witnessed me.  As a result the local police recommended I change hotels.  The LaQuinta Inn in Mesa said they would issue credit for the 6 nights I had paid for but not used --- to Expedia, who they said had paid them for the stay (which was news to me).  The hotel gave me an 800- number to call for my credit from Expedia, and after I returned home I did call.  After about an hour and a few different operators, finally an operator said my credit would be forthcoming after she confirmed one final thing with the hotel manager.  I thanked her.

RECENT EVENTS
I heard nothing further from Expedia, and I received no credit.  Four additional hours of calls, numerous operators, and two dropped calls later, it seems no credit will be forthcoming from them --- I am out over $500.  Delta whom I booked with and who billed my credit card said no, it was really a “third party” who charged me --- despite all my confirmations and Visa billings directly from Delta.  LaQuinta said they were paid by Expedia and credited them back, but because Expedia paid the bill I cannot get a copy of the receipt, even for the night I stayed there!  My platinum Visa card, my LaQuinta Elite card, and my 30 years relationship with my credit union meant nothing:  “It’s not our problem.  Sorry.”  So a company I have nothing in writing saying I ever dealt with, is painted as the villain.

Meanwhile, the freezer in my home stopped working yesterday; the repair bill was $300; the same problem had happened only one year ago; and the repairman said “Trust me; this shouldn’t happen again.”  And as I entered church today for the Tuesday noon mass, the building was cold and dark --- power was out over all of Ann Arbor Michigan.  And, considering recent events, the power felt out of my life, too.

My prayers Monday night and Tuesday morning were disjointed ramblings, as my mind repeatedly turned over my woes.  I could not pray.  All the blessings of Advent, all the people I helped, all the joys of my life, I couldn’t focus on them.  The title of this blog is: Do Not Be Anxious, but I couldn’t calm my own anxieties.

Things didn’t get better as the Tuesday mass began; my mind still wandered.  Receiving Communion put my heart in close contact with Jesus, and I cried out to Him, asking for peace.  But it was after the mass that I finally found peace, His answer to my prayers.

The little children quietly began filing up toward the altar, as they do every Tuesday after mass.  One young man, his legs permanently deformed, came up on his two crutches.  Another lad, of perhaps 5 or 6 years old, struggled down the aisle as he carried the baby basket which held his tiny sibling.  There were many other children, quietly lining up for personal blessings and prayers from the priest and deacons.  And the last person down the aisle was a young woman I had not noticed before, who was gently carrying the tiniest of babies in her arms --- someone, it seems, had received a very special Christmas present.

And yes, the sight of this and the congregation singing Silent Night moved me to tears.  But it also opened my heart to realize something:  all my anxieties of late stemmed from not a loss of money, but a loss of control.  My pride was hurt and I felt anxious because things were beyond my control.  People I trusted in had let me down.

But as I looked at the young children I realized that they saw Who really was in control, and they humbly sought His blessings.  Little children had to teach me the proper attitude towards God and his plans:  Trust in Him, no matter what happens.

I said a prayer of thanks for that insight.  I told God my money was really His; and if He showed me some charity or some needy person, I would give it freely.  Or He could take it, for His own reasons. All I have is his.

Jesus, I trust in You.