I Want More, Please

Oliver Twist spoke those words humbly asking for more of the basics of life:  food.  As I spoke to God in prayer this morning, I suddenly found myself saying those same words:  “I want more, please.”  And in response I just hope God isn’t looking down on me with the same eyes of indignation that the poorhouse overseers cast down upon Oliver.

I want more, please.  I don’t think I even have to proclaim those words aloud; He sees my heart --- but what does He see?  Does He see a man not nearly grateful enough for His many blessings?  Does He see a man whose prayers He has answered so often, and think him selfish, greedy, in wanting more?  Does He recall His own words, “Ask, and it shall be given you,” and think:  but you abuse My generosity; You are MY servant, not I yours?

Do I test His love?  Do I assume too much?

Oliver humbly asked for more, with trust, but not knowing the response forthcoming to his question.  Do I assume I know the mind and the will of God?  Oliver asks for the basics; it seems to me that what I consider the basics has changed over the years.  I trust God loves me and all others, and wishes us the best of all things possible:  to be with Him.  Trusting in that, I want more to come to Him, just as He does.  I consider THAT the basics of our relationship.  My most fervent prayer is that those He brings into my life might, through me if He pleases, grow closer to Him, to know, love and serve Him.  And I also pray that prayer’s corollary:  And please, let not any be led astray because of me.

I am so blessed.  So many people come into my life; so many bless ME.  I wonder if I do enough to bless them.  Through the Eucharist I see and often feel God’s presence.  I am so blessed.  When I hear others in honest confusion say: “I don’t know what that feels like,” I feel sad.  I want more --- for them.

What can I do, Lord, to better do Your will?  How can I trust in Your love, and not assume it? (--- or is the correct word “pre”-sume it?)  Am I a pest, Lord, when I pray the same prayers over and over, even as I am assuming You WILL answer them, in Your way?  Are my repetitive prayers a desire to have my prayers answered, but in MY way?

In Isaiah I heard today:

As a young man marries a virgin,
your Builder shall marry you.
And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride,
so shall your God rejoice in you.

It says He wants to give me everything.  Dare I ask for more?

Today I also heard the gifts of the Holy Spirit enumerated in 1Cor 12:4-11:  Dare I ask for more?

And as I knelt, the post-communion hymn echoed through the church speakers, and it echoed in my heart:

My Lord, my King, my God and my all,
Who was and is and is to be,
I bow in humble adoration,
at what You have done for me.

My Lord, my King, my God and my All,
give me grace to do my part.
To lay my life down at the foot of Your cross,
and to give You all my heart.

--- My Lord, My King, by Ann Berger