Today I end a three-day retreat at the Capuchin Retreat
House. It is a quiet, out-of-the-way
place, surrounded by trees and natural beauty.
Before coming, in my mind’s eye, I saw myself walking the many quiet
pathways through the trees, meditating on God’s words --- both written and in
the beauty around me. I brought a
blanket with me to lay on the grass in the afternoon sun, where I could read
and reflect on problems I brought with me, and the answers I expected.
That ain’t what happened.
The three days here were cool, cloudy and rainy. I did get to lay on the blanket in the sun
--- for about 45 minutes, before the cool breeze and drops came again. And I did get to see the deer, though not on
the quiet paths as I expected, but outside my bedroom window, where they were
munching on grass and sometimes looking right at me --- through the rain. Oh, I did have the quiet I planned for ---
there were few guests around --- but most of it was in the chapel. I had wonderful times there, and my evening
rosary meditations stretched for hours --- on topics He put into my heart, not
the ones I had planned to resolve.
So, I will consider my worries another day, still seeking
answers, or perhaps finally coming to the realization that these weren’t
important things, and to stop worrying.
I DO see those words “Do Not Be Anxious” every day, for a reason, I
guess.
Meanwhile, as I sit in the retreat house cafeteria having my
morning coffee, alone, I plan my packing and look out the window and see a
bright morning sun, and a cloudless sky.
My plans may not have been accomplished here, but I think He’s telling
me to see the light of His plans, not my dark worries.
And trust.
Sounds like a near-perfect retreat!
ReplyDeleteAaahh, Kam, but there is a "rest of the story." Packing my car, I stopped at the reception desk to thank one of my hosts. While there we exchanged some stories, and I told her of one of the unanswered worries I had --- a request expected for a large sum of money this afternoon, by one of my Goddaughters, the one I rarely hear from. The money would be for college at a less-than orthodox Catholic college, so she could be near her boyfriend. I prayed for help in a decision, but heard no answer. The receptionist and I traded alternatives, and agreed God would be there when I needed Him.
ReplyDeleteAs I entered my car I turned back on my cell phone --- and it rang almost immediately. It was the Goddaughter, telling me that the meeting this afternoon would have to be postponed, again, but not to worry since her father and her had agreed that he would put up money for her education (a big surprise to her, and me).
I went back in and told of the call to the receptionist. All we both had to say was "Praise God;" trust in Him is not a worry.