Doorman or Doormat

In recent months God has helped me perceive a better look in the mirror, to see myself as He sees me, not as I wish or delude myself into thinking who I am, or what I can do.

Even as my spiritual growth seems to make progress, my physical being is aging.  When I was young I was taught that whatever I want I can work for and get --- and I did, get material things, that is.  And that work ethic carried over into the solving of material problems for my employer; I worked and enabled my employer to achieve greater profits.  I was in control of my life.  But now my aging body is weakening, physically and mentally.  I can’t do what I once did, can’t remember as well as I had, and solutions to problems seem harder to arrive at --- and even if I perceive solutions, even spiritual ones, I find them harder to remember, or to make them become instinctive.  And, in a great blessing, God has shown me that all this is okay; He will implement part of the solution; He will put others into my life to share the work.

If I can get past my ego and let them.

I pray to Fr. Solanus Casey daily; his picture hangs over my bed’s headboard.  He will be beatified this Saturday.  He was such a holy man.  He was a model of how to live a saintly life.

He was a doorman.

Fr. Solanus was not one of the wisest of men.  Ordained a priest, his duties were limited.  He could not even hear confessions.  And so, when he was appointed to the home office of his order, in Detroit, he was made a doorman.  All the other priests would meet with people to help solve their problems.  They were the “important” men, doing the important work.  All Solanus could do was answer the door, and while people waited, pray for them.  And miracles and miracles and miracles happened.  He had a little role in his priestly life, and he did it well and with confidence that God would do His larger role.

He was a doorman, but no doormat in the eyes of God.  He was a faithful, loyal, trusting servant, doing his little part.

I think I need to acquire the heart of Fr. Solanus as I age.  I can’t do big important things alone, or hand out orders as I once did.  At parties, I once was a center of attention; last night I sat alone at a party.  On spiritual matters, once I perceived God’s will and acted, now I often see it and pray: “What should I do?”  And I perceive Him putting other people in my path, to do solutions which I didn’t plan.  It seems that I can hear His knock more easily, but others are to fix the problems He brings to me.

It’s a hard adjustment to make, to step down into the role of a doorman, while not perceiving myself as a doormat.  But if I could be honest with myself, I’d admit that even a doormat has what could be an important function, a role to play, perhaps ensuring those working don’t slip up.  But more importantly, a doorman (or a doormat) only has a physical role to play.  Saints, true friends of God, have a higher spiritual role to play, and one that grows as they age, for they continue to grow in holiness, grow closer to God, to not only hear Him, but to be heard by Him.

And that is a most important role.  And the over 5,000 people who attended Fr. Solanus Casey’s, a doorman’s, funeral knew it.

Like the Doorman, I can’t do everything.  I should gratefully trust others to do their part.  And I should pray and act out my life with love.  No more earthly awards or honors will be coming my way, but I have my eyes set on a bigger award.  I need to work towards it, doing my role.