Review: An Immovable Feast

What a beautiful book, written in the language of my thinking process.  Tyler Blanski is a very intelligent man, persistent in questioning what is truth, and diligent in following “the path to a good life.”  He does the right things; he asks the right questions.  He advances; he easily makes friends, but he is different than most of them, in that he is never content.

Along the way, he makes assumptions about things he does not know, and reluctantly changes his beliefs as he sees his assumptions proved wrong.  And he has walls of books!!  And the first thing he does when focusing on a new problem or challenged belief is to order more books!  I sooooo know Tyler Blanski; I see him in the mirror every day of my life.

This is a good book to read, to walk through --- and to --- an understanding of things, Catholic things, that if not studied in depth may seem arbitrary, or assumed false.  Tyler was weeks from becoming an Anglican priest; he did not come to accept Catholic truths on some whim, but when he saw them he did not dismiss them but wondered how he did not see them in the first place.  His story of discovery and affirmation parallels my own, albeit much faster than my journey.

Non-Catholics may find this book compelling.  They may go out and buy other books!  I believe I would very much like Tyler Blanski and his wife, should our paths ever cross.  They had a long --- and lovingly united --- faith journey.  I especially liked how they so often talked about it; it was THE priority of their lives.

And in the end, it all came down to a simple question: Can I trust Him?

Today we let our kids be taught in an educational system that says: “You can only trust in yourself.”  I fear they will have a very long journey to discover the truth; I fear they won’t have the stamina to try.

Some Time For Peace

Cardinal Sarah’s book, The Power of Silence, spoke of the importance of peace in our life.  It’s taken my heart years to attune to that wisdom.  The late-night hours I spent alone in the chapel with Jesus educated me more than all the books I’ve ever read, and filled my soul in an almost tangible way --- I felt God acting in me.

This afternoon I arrived at the Capuchin Retreat Center for a few days of silence.  I wondered about this retreat, because my last two were spent in worry and anxious prayers --- all of which were answered --- but this time I arrived feeling blessed.  God has taken over control of my worries, and I have let Him.  And I don’t worry about stoking His ego when I tell Him I think He is doing a great job.  So, if I have no great worries, should there be a focus to my prayers here?  I’ll certainly pray for those God puts in my life, but I think my prayers will primarily be ones of growing in trust, a most hard thing for me to do.

This morning I read a meditation and hymn in my Liturgy of the Hours which seemed to tell me these days would be useful, perhaps in ways I didn’t expect.

From a treatise on Christian Perfection
by St. Gregory of Nyssa, bishop

Christ should be manifest in our whole life

The life of the Christian has three distinguishing aspect:  deeds, words and thought.  Thought comes first, then words, since our words express openly the interior conclusions of the mind.  Finally, after thoughts and words, comes action, for our deeds carry out what the mind has conceived.  So when one of these results in our acting or speaking or thinking, we must make sure that all our thoughts, words and deeds are controlled by the divine ideal, the revelation of Christ.  For then our thoughts, words and deeds will not fall short of the nobility of their implications.

What then must we do, we who have been found worthy of the name of Christ?  Each of us must examine his thoughts, words and deeds, to see whether they are directed toward Christ or are turned away from him.  This examination is carried out in various ways.  Our deeds or our thoughts or our words are not in harmony with Christ if they issue from passion.  They then bear the mark of the enemy who smears the pearl of the heart with the slime of passion, dimming and even destroying the luster of the precious stone.

On the other hand, if they are free from and untainted by every passionate inclination, they are directed toward Christ, the author and source of peace.  He is like a pure, untainted stream.  If you draw from Him the thoughts in your mind and the inclinations of your heart, you will show a likeness to Christ, your source and origin, as the gleaming water in a jar resembles the flowing water from which it was obtained.

For the purity of Christ and the purity that is manifest in our hearts are identical.  Christ’s purity, however, is the fountainhead, ours has its source in him and flows out of him.  Our life is stamped with the beauty of his thought.  The inner and outer man are harmonized in a kind of music.  The mind of Christ is the controlling influence that inspires us to moderation and goodness in our behavior.  As I see it, Christian perfection consists in this:  sharing the titles which express the meaning of Christ’s name, we bring out this meaning in our minds, our prayers and our way of life.

This day God gives me
Strength of high heaven,
Sun and moon shining,
Flame in my hearth,
Flashing of lightning,
Wind in its swiftness,
Deeps of the ocean,
Firmness of earth.

This day God sends me
Strength as my steersman,
Might to uphold me, Wisdom as guide.
Your eyes are watchful,
Your ears are listening,
Your lips are speaking,
Friend at my side.

God’s way is my way,
God’s shield is round me,
God’s host defends me,
Saving from ill.
Angels of heaven,
Drive from me always
All that would harm me,
Stand by me still.

Rising I thank you,
Mighty and strong one,
King of creation,
Giver of rest,
Firmly confessing
Threeness of persons,
Oneness of Godhead,
Trinity blest.

- - - - - - - - - -

Finally, while here at the retreat I have been reading a book about one man’s conversion/growth in faith story:  An Immovable Feast, by Tyler Blanski.  His digging into the depths of church history, the bible, and slow spiritual growth remind me of my own walk, a long walk.  And at one point (p89) he wrote this story, which struck a key point which I meditate on much these days.

“I remembered a story about a man who worked for three months at ‘the house of the dying’ in Calcutta.  He was seeking a clear answer about what God wanted him to do with his life.  He asked Saint Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa) to pray for him.

‘What do you want me to pray for?’ she asked.

‘Pray that I would have clarity,’ he said.

‘No, I will not do that,’ she said.

When he asked her why, she explained: ‘Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.’

When he mentioned that she always seemed to have clarity, Mother Teresa just laughed: ‘I’ve never had clarity; all I’ve ever had is trust.  So I will pray that you will trust in God.’”

Where Is God?

I prayed for a successful meeting, and progress on the good work we were attempting.

I had met with a church group last week, and they seemed very enthusiastic to support the work we were starting.  One woman, giving me her card, said: “Let me know when the next meeting is; I will be there.”  And so, later, I emailed her the date and time of the meeting, but as the day neared I heard no response, so I called her: “Will you be there tomorrow for the meeting; I emailed you about it.”  “Tomorrow?  Oh, I didn’t know, and I scheduled something else at that time.  Email?  Oh ---- yes, I see it.  I don’t look at my email often; people who want to reach me text me.”

Oh.

That was another “I am getting old” moment for me.  For the younger generation, I guess if you text them it is important, while email is junk mail --- which admittedly, most is.  I consider something like “You’re late; the meeting has started” as something important to text, while they consider “You’re texting ME of a meeting next week; well, it must be important.”  A subtle, but big difference --- and a failure to communicate.

I wanted the new person at the meeting to give new ideas, but the meeting went on without her.  I expected a number of important things to be accomplished, but others there at the meeting placed different priorities, and less was accomplished, yet critical progress was made.

I had prayed God be present at the meeting.  I had invited others.  Things didn’t go as I planned, but I am humble enough to be content.  God’s ideas of importance, and progress, are often not mine.

- - - - - - - - - -

I prayed the Luminous Mysteries of the rosary, including the second mystery: The Wedding Feast at Cana.  And my meditations took on a different slant this night.  Jesus was invited to the wedding, and worked a miracle there.  I often think of how I invite Him into my life, perhaps wanting/expecting a miracle, but tonight I meditated on that wedding couple, and their likely perception of the miracle Jesus worked at their celebration.  Well, they (like I) invited Jesus to their party --- and His good friends --- and then they (like I) probably forgot about Him.  They had other plans and friends to attend to.  They were the focus of the party, not Jesus.  And I think that way about my life, too, like my invite of Jesus to that meeting, and then I worried about other things, like MY plans.  I treated Jesus like anyone else I invited to that meeting, and maybe even less important than others.  But then what happened?

The wedding party took a turn towards disaster: the wine was running out; did the wedding hosts even notice?  At Mary’s request Jesus worked a miracle, and the party disaster turned into the party surprise entertainment:  the last wine was the best wine.  Did that just happen, and the party went on?  Was that happy ending even noticed by the bride and groom?  Did they know Jesus did it?  It’s not at all clear in the Gospel words, but you don’t read of the wedding party coming over and thanking Him.

Like I didn’t come over and thank Him, after the successful meeting --- which went not at all as I planned.  How often do you treat Jesus this way?

I’d like to think Jesus is an important part of my life; I pray to Him often, in both petition AND thanksgiving.  Reflecting on what happened at that wedding feast (and my meeting), I think, however, that often I forget He is part of my life.  I invite Him along, especially for critical events, and definitely for tragic events beyond my control, but then I proceed to focus on my plans --- and kind of assume He is coming along.  I treat Him as a good friend I want with me, forgetting that a good friend will want to look out for my best interests, and a God friend WILL do so.  And so, when God changes events for my good --- changes to my plans --- I usually have only one of two reactions.  Either I don’t notice that the good outcome was God’s plan/intervention, not mine (like the wedding wine or the successful meeting), or I react with a: “What the heck!  Why did that happen?”  (And if others happen to be involved: “How can they be so stupid!” --- as to not see things my way.)

“Where is God in my life,” we often wonder, as we rage against our stubborn kids, our uncaring spouse, or our stupid boss or co-workers, who don’t want to do things as we desire.  We prayed God to be part of our life, and we can’t conceive of the possibility that He is, perhaps using something bad to teach us or others a lesson, or perhaps allowing a bad thing to create some sort of future good, that we can’t now see.  We ask God in, but expect Him to come in the door we open, forgetting that He is God, and forgetting that He loves us, and will act that way --- even if we don’t understand it.

Certainly, I cannot KNOW the mind of God, or see His hand in events, yet if I had to guess I’d guess His hand is more often shaping good events we are not aware of, than allowing the bad events we often rage about, because we don’t understand.  Where is God at?  He’s right where we asked Him to be, just not attracting attention to Himself.

- - - - - - - - - -

And there’s one more place that God is, besides in events or the actions of those we meet; He is in us.

I was lamenting to my spiritual director how I had tried to do some good things last month, but I saw no good results: “I should have done this or that instead,” or “I should have not been so upset at the outcomes,” I told him.  And he gave me new insight: “’Should’ is a ‘shouldy’ word,” he said.

Should is a negative word; it implies a guilt that isn’t there.  It expresses a regret over the past.  We need to focus on the now.

That was a key take-away from my hour with the spiritual director, and it reminded me of that I AM verse by Helen Mallicoat.  Don’t live in worry over the past; don’t live in worry over the future.  “When you live in this moment, it is not hard.  I am here.  My name is I AM.”

Where is God?  My friend, He is right beside you.

- - - - - - - - - -

I looked down at the book My Other Self, lying in the pew rack in front of me, and picked it up and opened it.  The section I opened to was titled: In Your Daily Work.

“Desire to do no other work than that which is your duty at a particular moment.  Say to me, “Lord, I will this task because this task is Your will for me at this time.”  Attack the tasks you dread doing --- out of love for Me.  I will help you to smile and be serene.”

“Even though you work diligently, you will not always succeed.  Your best efforts will not always meet with the approval of your fellow man.  Do not let this upset you.  Offer your natural disappointment to me.”

“Do this, and you will be what I desire!”