Why?

 

It has often troubled me, having a mind which knows so much, and yet knows so little.  When the word “why” comes to mind, I want to find the answer.  I dig; I search, and I pray.  Yet, often it seems that I will never know the answer to that troublesome question.

I heard so many “why’s” this week.  A dear friend is losing her sight, with so many troubling implications. “Why” almost seems the least of her questions, as her life as she knew it is totally changing.  Another friend is very ill, and cries in pain and worry, and is afraid to ask doctors “why” for fear of the answer.  Another dear friend looked at death in the eye, and spoke to Jesus in expectation, and now struggles to heal.  And I myself have my own health issues, which I hesitate to bring to my doctor.

Death, an end to life as we know it, is near.  Why?

The men’s group presented a few videos of America, patriotic songs, beautiful scenes, showing many of God’s blessings on this country.  Some made me cry.  And then the younger men spoke: “I liked that song; I never knew the words.”  The song they referred to was God Bless America.  Don’t know the words?? 

And I cried in my heart: Why?

Today was the last mass of our priest, a very saintly example of manhood, who is moving on to another parish.  The mass readings today included the story of Abram who, at 99 years of age, was told he would be a father, a son to be named Isaac.  And Abram laughed!!  Despite the fact he knew it was God speaking to him, in his heart he could not accept the words.  Why me?  Why now?  Why this?

So many of our lives are changing.  Illness?  Death?  Unplanned pregnancy? New job?  A country founded as “one nation under God” no longer knows how to praise Him?

The priest spoke of his sadness at leaving our parish, of the many blessings God has given him, but now things are changing.  Things will not be as he planned, but then he pointed to Abram.  Radical changes can come about in our lives, changes we fear, but we, like Abram, are not alone.  God is with us, always.  We can’t possibly see or understand His plans, but He loves us.  In that we can trust; He died out of love for us.

We will never fully understand why fearsome events happen to us and around us --- at least not in this life.  The priest noted that these are precisely the times not to despair, but praise God.  God has done so much for us because He loves us; why would we think He would stop?  One day we will see and understand it all, but for now, we need strong faith, to accept and to trust that God loves us, even in permitting trials for which we can perceive no reason.  We must be able to say: “I don’t understand why, but Lord, I will accept, I will trust.  I will trust in Your never failing love, your never failing mercy.”

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These are two of the videos the men’s group watched.  (Maybe you might send the links to your kids or grandkids as a 4^th of July present.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KoXt9pZLGM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGMHnNqAjrI

Who Am I

 

This morning a little girl came over to me during mass, and smiled as she held up her stuffed bunny for my inspection.  At that moment I believe I felt what Jesus felt when he said how special the little children were to God.  At that moment, in a small way, I put on the mind of God.

Today is the feast day of St. John the Baptist, and we were reminded in the readings how John, like Jesus, had asked his followers “Who do you think I am?”  And John, like Jesus, had to clarify their misunderstandings.  If we were to ask that same question today of our friends and family, would we also have to clarify their misunderstandings?  How well do we present to the world who we think we are, or at least try to be?  Or do we need to ask that question of ourselves first: “Who am I, or who do I want to be?” To clarify it to ourselves?

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Fr John Bartunek has a wonderful series of talks which he calls mini-retreats.  They are on a variety of subjects.  I recently listened to one on the Annunciation.  The first two short talks discussed who Mary was and how she perceived the angel who came to her to and said: “Rejoice so highly favored.  The Lord is with you!”  And she was to bear a son and name him Jesus.  The talks were very insightful and thought-provoking, as Fr Bartunek’s talks often are, but it was the third short talk which most interested me.  The topic was how we see angels in our lives. 

Angels are messengers, and Fr. Bartunek points out 5 common everyday messengers God sends us to tell us God’s word.  The first is mental prayer, meditation.  The second is God’s will.  The third is the beauty we see in nature and art.  The fourth are inspirations of the Holy Spirit, calling us to action.  And finally, we sometimes receive God’s angel in the form of the goodness of other people (to us).  All of these are God’s angels to us, even as He sent an angel to Mary.  They tell us of His love.

Who am I?  I am someone God created out of love, and in love He sends messengers to me to show me that love, and give me opportunities to love in ways He created me to do, opportunities to be who He created me to be.  It’s who I am.

Fr. Bartunek’s retreat talks are at RCSpirituality.org.

A Story of Love

 

The signal from the local Catholic radio station has been erratic for the past two weeks, scratchy or even silent.  So, I was surprised this morning when I started the car in the garage that a loud, clear man’s voice was speaking from the radio (it was so clear he could have been sitting next to me).  I quickly realized the broadcast was a Family Theater re-run on the Catholic radio station.  Family Theater aired shows that originated around the time I was born.  I’ve heard its shows before; they are very good, and so I listened as I drove to church.

The man on the radio was telling a story to his grandkids about another man who was wrongly imprisoned for a bank robbery, but no one believed him except his mother.  And then the warden informed him that his mother had died.  The prisoner became enraged, especially at the judge who didn’t believe him and sentenced him to prison, and he resolved vengeance.  Eventually, the man got out of prison and immediately went to the judge’s house to kill him.  He was stopped by another man at the house, and then the judge and he told the now ex-prisoner how they now believed in his innocence, and they even got him a job --- at that small town’s bank, the one he was wrongly imprisoned for robbing.  And he did such a good job that he got promotions at the bank, and became very happy.

The man telling this story was then interrupted by one of his grandkids, who said he was sorry, and he’d stop being angry at the kid who had wronged him, which must have been the trigger for grandpa’s story.  Then one of the kids asked: “Whatever happened to that man?”  And grandpa answered: “Well, he eventually became head of that bank.”  And then the kids together loudly responded: “But grandpa, you’re the head of that bank.”  And he said: “Yes, I am.  Yes I am.”

Like all those Family Theater stories it was very touching.  But then I heard the voice continue --- or, at first I thought it was the same, calm voice of the grandpa.  But, it was another voice.  And the man now talking calmly said how 50 years ago abortion became legal in this country, and became part of it.  Repeal of Roe can’t change the hearts that were formed accepting abortion.  But during that time, and still now, women have had difficult pregnancies (kind of reminded me of the stories of the unjust prisoner), and Guadalupe Workers has existed to help them, and their children.  And on June 27^th, Guadalupe Workers was celebrating the addition of a new ultra-sound machine, for those women and their children.  All listeners were invited to come to their offices and join in the celebration.

That second story impacted me more than the first one, and brought me to tears.  In all my years of listening to Catholic radio, I have never heard such a moving, so wonderfully said and placed, commercial.  Like when the grandpa was talking, it was told as a sincere story of love.