Friday, September 19, 2014

A Hole In My Pants

I decided to take a shower yesterday afternoon, and in undressing discovered that I had a hole in the back of my pants.  I stopped and thought about my day:  the walk around the neighborhood, the stores I visited, the people who spoke to me --- were they smiling a bit, knowing something I didn’t?  But then I smiled to myself:  what did it matter?  After all, like mom always reminded me:  “make sure you have on clean underwear.”  And I knew did.
Although I quickly forgot about any possible embarrassments, that hole remained in my thoughts.  During my evening prayers I included my classroom assignment:  to pray on a particular Scripture reading, to contemplate it, and to write down my thoughts.  I’m to share them with the others at next week’s class. 
Reading and meditating on Scripture is a good thing; it’s like opening a window so that God can come in.  And as I read, contemplated --- and listened --- I did perceive some good thoughts through the words of the Scripture (and inspirations of the Spirit?).  Then my mind flittered:  was this insight something special, something I should perhaps note here, on this blog?  And I pondered on that for some minutes, seeking some insight.
And one came, but not the one I was seeking.
It came to me that when I read Scripture looking for something there, I usually find it.  And this is a good thing, a blessing for me.  (It wasn’t always this way.)  But then I realized something more profound and worth remembering, and it is this:  When I read Scripture looking for something, I usually find it, but it is when I am NOT looking that I really see.
I’ve noted before that almost all these posts are written in the Adoration chapel of a nearby church.  What perhaps I have not written often is that these words are not sought.  I have no plans to write for my blog, no topics in mind --- witness the recent scarcity of posts of late.  Tonight I asked myself, after reading and meditating on Scripture, if my thoughts were worth posting.  It was the wrong question, or better put:  it was wrong to question.  If there is something which needs to be said here, --- for you or for me --- God has shown how He helps me to perceive that, there in the chapel, in His presence.  It’s what friends do when they sit together.  They chat; they “shoot the breeze,” and sometimes --- only sometimes --- the topic under consideration gets serious.
Those serious discussions on serious topics, with serious insights, like the hole in my pants, aren’t usually planned, but we must do something when they occur.  Oh, and like wearing clean underwear, we need always be prepared for those serious discussions with God.  Clean souls --- from Confession --- have a property of also cleaning out our ears, so we can better hear Him when He speaks. 
Regular Scripture reading is a very good thing, focusing us on the Word.  But regular time in the chapel, just sitting in the presence of God, is a good thing also.  I’ve gradually grown in faith over the years; I’ve gradually lessened my anxieties.  But I’ve made leaps of faith and been washed in pools of love, just sitting there with Him.
Where He waits. 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

To Prevent Anxiety

I’ve written here of many incidents, many thoughts, and many blessings I have received, and the focus has largely been on me --- or you, if you see yourself in these words.  I’ve written of things and events which have helped me lessen my anxiety, the worries of my life.  Most often, I think, I’ve written that my anxieties are lessened if I can accept the fact that God wishes good for me, in all things.  He loves me.
Sometimes I have written about God’s will for me --- and I’ve often found, in summary, that He wants me to love others, as He loves me, calming all our anxieties.  I think, however, that I have NOT written much about how I can bring about this awareness of my need to be loved, and to love.  I’ve not written about concrete actions I can take --- on a regular basis --- to be reminded of God’s love and my call to love.  And I need those reminders.
There are some things I can do to lessen life’s anxieties, and to stop those feelings before they happen. These proactive preventative measures are called, in a word, prayer.
My spiritual advisor classes started Tuesday night, and the initial topic was prayer.  In describing how to read Scripture, St. Ignatius suggested that meditation --- our reflective capacity to discover meaning --- and contemplation --- our imaginative capacity to put ourselves into the Bible scene --- both come into play.  Ignatius taught that we need to reflect on the truths of Scripture AND how those truths relate to US.
To illustrate the personal nature of this method of Scripture reading and prayer, the class was directed to read and pray over the words in which Jesus called Simon the fisherman, in Luke 5:1-11.  And then we were asked to speak aloud our silent thoughts, what caught our attention.  It was surprising the number of different foci from that one passage.  One person was immediately struck by the fact that Jesus saw two boats on the shore and then chose to get into one.  “Why that one,” he wondered, and considered how God used small choices in his life to effect great changes.  (This is along the lines of most Scriptural miracles, wherein Jesus requires some participation of His followers in bringing His miracles about.) 
I noticed Simon’s verbal reaction to the great miracle of the full nets: “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.”  Simon followed the Lord’s commands, and then was humbled at the great blessing of God.  Putting myself in that scene (and considering the many great blessings in my life), I considered that my reaction may likely have been one of pride at the great catch that “I” had made, and perhaps even considering it a just reward for all my labors.  Simon reacted in humility; how often, I realized, I reacted in pride.
Reading a Scripture passage I have heard so many times, yet I still have so much to learn.
The point of the exercise was to illustrate the importance of prayer and of regular Bible reading.  We all have anxieties in our lives, and always will.  But a big part of Jesus’ message was “Be not afraid,” and “Do not be anxious.”  As demonstrated by our exercise, there is much we can gain by meditating on Scripture, to figure out the truth Jesus was saying, and why.  But there is also much to be given uniquely to each of us by contemplating Scripture in prayer, by putting ourselves in the Scriptural scene and letting the Holy Spirit expand the message into our lives, so we can hear His message for us:  “Even in these troubling times in your life, I tell you, Do Not Be Anxious.” 

Sunday, August 31, 2014

I Believe In Love

“There are times in marriage and religious life
when we do not need to feel or understand love
to make the decision to love, we only need to believe in it.”

When I read the above words by Anthony Lilles (in his book: Hidden Mountain, Secret Garden), they really struck me:  We do not need to understand love, only to believe in it.  How often in my life have I let my decisions be guided by my feelings or my understandings of a situation?  I let reason or my logic --- as poor as it sometimes is --- be my guide, doing what I felt or reasoned to be right, and then often being surprised at the poor outcome, especially, sometimes, at the hurt feelings of others.
I thought I had to make reasonable or logical decisions in my life, and these would “or course” be good.  I thought I could understand love, and analyze it.  I thought love was logical.  (I guess I forgot the cross, and how illogical that great love was.)  I wanted my life to make sense, to plan it out.  I now realize what I wanted was my success to be the work of my hands (although at the time I didn’t realize I was thinking that way).  I was taught that I could have anything I wanted on this earth if I worked for it.  I guess I took that lesson too deep to heart, and forgot the one about it being impossible for me to earn heaven … or to earn love.
They say seven is the age of reason, and twenty-one is the age of adulthood, but it took me about forty years before I began to gain any wisdom, and even then saw that wisdom was a gift, not something “I” gained.  My eyes were opened then (in Medjugorje) and “I gave my life to Jesus,” as my Protestant friends would say.  In truth thought, it took me ‘til then to realize that He gave HIS life to me, and He loved me unconditionally.  Unconditionally, of course, because it made no sense to me that He would choose to love me.  I know I didn’t.  Looking at my life up to that point, I didn’t feel that I deserved to be loved.  And that was my true analysis of the situation.
But He chose to love me anyway.
At that turning point in my life, I first began to feel God’s presence, that undeserved love, and since then I’ve felt it more often and consistently.  And maybe because of that --- that He first loved me --- I’ve grown to feel, to somewhat understand, and to firmly believe WHY He loves me.  The answer is the answer to that third grade catechism question:  Why did God make me?  (And if you really don’t know the answer to that question, please use your internet search skills for something useful for a change.)
God loves me that I might be all that He made me to be, His presence to those I meet, that I might love them as He does.  It’s family.  The Father created the children out of love, and that they might love Him.  The children don’t need to understand His love, nor even their love for Him.  They just need to believe in it and act on it, and all happiness will follow. 
The Gospel today had Peter telling Jesus to deny His cross, but Jesus said: “Get behind me, Satan.”  Jesus believed in love, and would not be tempted to put self-love before His love for us.  Despite facing the cross, Jesus chose to believe in love.
Anthony Lilles’ quote begins “There are times …”  I believe those “times” he refers to are the tough ones, when we don’t feel loved and we don’t feel like loving.  That was the time Jesus was facing.  We’ve all had similar tough times in our lives, and our usual response to them was to pity ourselves.  Jesus didn’t pity Himself.  Those are the times when we need to throw out all our logic and our self-pity, all our thoughts about deserving love, or needing to understand a particular situation or person --- especially one who should love us --- and just believe in love.  We just need to decide to love, and believe in it.
It is how God loves us, and how He asks us to love our neighbor.
And yeh, it ain’t easy some times, to believe without seeing results, to believe without understanding, and to believe just because He said to …. But, I believe in love. 
And every time I look at a crucifix, I see it.
Whoever wishes to follow Me, must deny himself.
We sang these beautiful words of love this morning in church:
Behold the eyes of the Lord
Search the face of the earth
To find hearts that are given,
Seeking souls to make pure.
To enflame this world’s darkness
To warm cold hearts with grace.
Am I here, Lord,
For such a time, for such a place?
Here is my life, Lord,
Heart, mind, and body.
My soul’s surrender,
Take it for Your own.
And You will lead, I know,
Where only love can go.
Here is my life, O Lord,
My life for You.
There is a love stronger than death,
Passion deeper than this life.
In the heart’s purest longing
Lies the pearl of great price.
One Love all loves surpassing,
True surrender the cost.
Am I here, Lord,
To bear this love, and share its cross?
Here is my life, Lord,
Heart, mind, and body.
My soul’s surrender,
Take it for Your own.
And You will lead, I know,
Where only love can go.
Here is my life, O Lord,
My life for You
-- Here Is My Life, by Ed Conlin,
© Servants of the Word, Ann Arbor, MI

Saturday, August 30, 2014

The Most Precious Temple

Last night was the final concert in the park in downtown Plymouth, Michigan.  Summer is over.  Around 5,000 showed up for the free concert; they danced the twist, did a conga line and danced to lots of other oldie classics, too.  There were plenty of kids and babies and dogs of all sorts present.  A bearded Abe Lincoln was there in his fancy suit and top hat, signing autographs.  When asked if he’d consider running again he said: “I’m not sure that’d be necessary; you know I still have 3 years left on my term of office.”  Later in the program (after everyone was getting a little tired, I think), the bandleader looked down from the stage at Abe and said: “You know Lincoln was Jewish, don’t you?”  He paused and smiled:  “Yep.  He was shot in the temple.”  Lots of groans followed, but still, a good time was had by all.  Small town America, it’s a wonderful place, and Plymouth with its free concerts, free parking and lots of caring people, is a great place to live.  We are so blessed.
As I drove to breakfast this morning, the hour hit 6AM.  I was listening to Fox Radio and I was somewhat --- no, VERY --- surprised to hear the National Anthem being played.  As I pulled into the parking lot, I stayed in the car to listen to the music to its completion, and I wondered how many children today would even recognize the melody, which once was played on every radio station and every television station at the start of the day.  Just this week I read how a public school teacher scolded a child for saying “God bless you” when his schoolmate sneezed.  Yes, we are very blessed in this country, but, I fear, realizing it less and less.
The reason for this post, however, is not last night’s concert nor the state of our culture, but this morning’s readings.  The Second Reading in the Liturgy of the Hours was from a homily on Matthew by Saint John Chrysostom, bishop.  I thought it worth noting here, so I would not forget how well he states the reasoning for the Second Great Commandment, to love our neighbor (even the one who sneezes).  Here are excerpts of his words:
“Do you want to honor Christ’s body?  Then do not scorn him in his nakedness, nor honor him here in the church with silken garments while neglecting him outside where he is cold and naked.  For he who said:  This is my body, and made it so by his words, also said: You saw me hungry and did not feed me, and inasmuch as you did not do it for one of these, the least of my brothers, you did not do it for me.  What we do here in the church requires a pure heart, not special garments; what we do outside requires great dedication.
Let us learn, therefore, to be men of wisdom and to honor Christ as he desires. … God does not want golden vessels but golden hearts.  Now, in saying this I am not forbidding you to make such gifts; I am only demanding that along with such gifts and before them, you give alms, … for he is much more pleased with the latter.
Of what use is it to weigh down Christ’s table with golden cups, when he himself is dying of hunger?  … No one has ever been accused for not providing ornaments, but for those who neglect their neighbor a hell awaits.  Do not, therefore, adorn the church and ignore your afflicted brother, for he is the most precious temple of all.