A couple of days ago, I was invited to a meeting of people from area churches to plan an event together. The first item on the meeting agenda was: Introductions. As I drove around that afternoon, I thought of what I might say when it was my turn. Then, suddenly, the thought came to me: “All my life has been about helping those in need.” What??!! Where did that come from? I had never considered or described myself in that way before, but also just as suddenly, I knew it was true. And I knew that was how God saw me, and He had given me that thought. And I cried.
At the meeting that night I didn’t say that prideful-sounding statement, but I said that in my many years I had belonged to most of the churches represented there, and served in most of the areas represented by the people present. I implied I had experience to contribute to the meeting. That’s all. Next.
Two days later I went to my monthly confession. As I sat beforehand, my thoughts went to that insight God had given me a couple of days earlier, on helping others in need. During my life when God showed me what He wanted done, I DID strongly go about making it happen, but not because I thought it was God’s will. I often forced things to be done, because I wanted them done, because I thought the things were the right things to do, because I thought they were MY ideas, MY will. And I thought I was right in my thinking and my actions. It was all about me.
I thought now, in the confession line, I should confess that I didn’t ask often enough for God to tell me His will, and also the times when I tried to do (what I now know was) His will, but I let others stop me because I didn’t try hard enough. I was focused on myself. And then in my heart I heard:
“I loved them anyway.”
It was another thought from nowhere. And suddenly I now knew what I should be confessing. It had nothing to do with who I am or what I accomplished or failed at, but it was how I did it. I was focused on the deed, accomplishing what I wanted to do, not on the people around me. Early in the Gospel of Matthew Jesus expounded on the Beatitudes, a further deepening of the Commandments, on what we should do or not. All the rest of the Gospels, and especially in that of John, He explained and demonstrated HOW we should live our lives.
Yes, I was able to help many in need during my life, and I chose to do so. I DID choose to love the poor, the hungry, and those in need. I did what Jesus spoke of. But what about HOW Jesus did those things? It is not enough to just do His will, we have to do it with love. What about His disciples, the Jewish leaders and people, and the Roman guards who didn’t understand and/or opposed Him? And in my world, what about my co-workers, my office bosses, or my spouse when they opposed me? Did I choose to love them the same anyway? When they got in the way of my wishes, even of my doing what I KNEW was God’s will, did I love them? He said: “I loved them anyway.” I didn’t.
“Lord, I am sorry for all those people You gave me to love, but I chose not to. I resolve to do better, and be who You created me to be.”
These last couple of days I have had some great insights given me about who I am, in His eyes. And what I still had to learn.
What about you, when people get in your way? Who are you?
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The event meeting is about the feast of Corpus Christi, on June 2. The churches, for two hours on the Sunday afternoon, will celebrate the day and Christ’s gift of the Eucharist, with a procession, songs, praise, and more, TBD in our planning. I was given a dream about how that procession would please God, and deepen the beliefs of those present. I wrote out the details as I recalled them. But I will not share those details with the planners. I perceive to do so would be much like how I lived my life in the past, doing what I believed was right. No, I will try to be who He created me to be. To do His will, yes, but to do it with love. And if things are not perfect in His eyes, well, when have we ever been perfect.
He will love us anyway.
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