Real Trust

 

Last night I had one of those rare dreams, which I knew was God speaking to my soul, or vice versa.  I awoke and quickly jotted down some notes, so I wouldn’t forget.

I dreamt of an event which happened in the late 1990s.  I was chair of the Paint the Town (PTT) project, which painted and repaired homes of the elderly and low-income in Detroit (and which spread to 8 suburbs).  On the third Saturday of August that year, over 10,000 volunteers were scheduled to paint over 400 homes.  At that point, PTT was at its peak, and after 15 years it had never rained on that day --- only this year the forecast said otherwise.  I received lots of calls asking what day we’d re-schedule to, but I said “Wait, forecasts change.”  This one didn’t. 

As we picked up the rental trucks the day before, it was pouring rain.  My board members said “this is a waste of money.”  The forecast said there was a 95% chance of rain for the next day.  But, I reminded my friends of the huge sums of money already committed to that day.  While the thousands of gallons of paint and many supplies were donated --- the volunteers showed up only wearing the event shirts we bought and gave them --- still, we paid for extra police protection, ambulance availability, porta-johns, and over $10,000 in insurance for that one day; average people were going up on ladders, some over 3 stories tall.  The insurance was to protect myself and board members from lawsuits.  None of that money could be recovered, and we had little in the bank to buy more --- if the people and supplies and were available on another day.  “No,” I said.  “There is a 5% chance of no rain; we are doing God’s work; we need to trust in Him.”  Back at the office I saw the large number of calls I had received, and I put that message on my answering machine and didn’t answer my phone the rest of the day.

The day of the event there were dark clouds in all directions, except up, where it was blue sky and sun.  To everyone’s surprise, not a drop fell, and all the homes got painted.  And rains began after about 10PM that night, after all the paint had dried.  “It was a miracle,” many people said, and thanked me for not trying to re-schedule the PTT event.

I dreamt about those events last night.  This morning, I had a Bible Study class.  We were reflecting on tomorrow’s Gospel, the end of the Gospel of St. John, where Jesus appears and tells the doubting Thomas to “put your hands in My side.”  We looked at that Gospel from many sides, and its many messages.  I think in the end we understood that Gospel better, and perhaps understood our lives a little better also.  It was then that I recalled my vivid dream, and related it to the men.  There was a jump to “that’s the kind of trust we need to have,” but I found myself disagreeing.  “No, that was trusting when I could see no other alternative.  Trusting in Jesus was a last resort.  That’s not the kind of trust we need; that’s the kind Thomas initially had.”  I realized that back then I had a foundation of trust, so I could voice it, but I still had a lot of lessons to learn.

If it had rained that day, ruined and wasted the work of thousands of volunteers, and perhaps ended the PTT project from ever occurring again --- and people laughed at me.  If THEN I trusted in God’s love, that would have been trust. 

Praying to God and getting the things we want is not a prayer of trust.  “Not my will, but Thy will be done,” is a prayer of trust.  We need to sincerely pray that prayer, especially when thing seem their darkest.  We need to grow in trust of God, to trust in Him, ALWAYS --- as if He REALLY WERE GOD.

Tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday.  That Divine Mercy prayer ends with: “Jesus, I trust in You.”