I Am In Control --- Not!

I was reminded last night of one final (I promise) analogy of us being in control of the vehicles of our lives, and Christ being our passenger, always along by our side.

I’ve written of me being in control, and Christ helping to guide me. I’ve written of unavoidable detours and rough roads not chosen, and Christ being there to give me strength for the tough journies I have to make. But I haven’t written about the end of the road, and that too is part of the journey. And some of us are there, or have been.

What about the passenger of a plane in a fatal tailspin? What of the car which hits black ice and goes over a cliff? What of the person in sudden terror which drives his blood pressure to heart attack heights? What of the spouse who hears his mate say “I give up; I want a divorce”. When we see the end coming upon us quickly and no steering of ours will change outcomes, what then of our need to be in control of our lives?

We’re not.

I used to always feel in control of my life, even when the outcomes of my choices were disastrous. Only in my most recent years have I recognized that I am not alone in my journey, and now I readily invite God along, even if I sometimes treat him as just someone to talk to, to help pass the time on life’s tedious pathways. I was reminded again last night however (as has happened to me before), how comforting it is to know he is there by my side when the “ROAD ENDS” sign jumps up in front of my path.

Mom had an unusually bad night yesterday. The annoying ringing in her ears (“What’s that noise outside?”) became a focus of her dementia, and she couldn’t ignore it. “Who’s outside making all that noise?” “Look! The curtains are moving; they’re getting into the house!” “They’re banging on the front door; look! The door is shaking!” “BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM – you want to make noise, I’ll make more!!”

No words I wrote on the whiteboard would calm her (she can’t hear). “Mom, there is no noise, it’s just ringing in your ears”, was met with “I can’t help it if you’re deaf; they’re breaking into my house!!” “LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, I CAN MAKE MORE NOISE THAN YOU PEOPLE OUTSIDE!!”

And I felt the pressure rising in my head; a quick check showed my blood pressure had risen about 30 points in 15 minutes. I took some medication to relax me, but calming myself down while mom ranted and screamed seemed hopeless.

I was not in control, not at all.

But it was then that I was able to set back on the chair, ignore the events around me and remember my passenger, and say “Well God, I’ll let you be in control now.” And while my blood pressure didn’t drop, it stopped rising. And even mom, who through everything can always remember she loves me, asked: “Do you have a headache? OK, I’ll try to be quiet.” And she did quiet her agitation – somewhat.

It was over an hour later that mom asked to be taken to bed. As I tucked her in, she said her usual “You know I love you.” I checked my blood pressure as I was about to leave, and it was back near normal.

I don’t know if I could have been dying, but I certainly wasn’t in control last night, no more than a drug addict or an alcoholic is in control (no matter how much they want to be – or think they are) when the deliriums hit. But for me, as I know it is for them, I know the “ROAD ENDS” sign we may see before us doesn’t have to be a “dead” end. No matter how close to the brink we are, even if we are off the cliff, God can take control if we but ask him. You know stories of survivors in a plane crash, drunk drivers who walk away from demolished vehicles, and hopeless sinners who turn their lives around.

As long as we are alive, the road does not have to end. And even if we see the signs which tell us we are beyond hope, we’re not. Only He is in charge of the end of our journey, and if he wished he could litterly make us take off and fly above any tragedy in our path. With Him, we could soar.

All it takes is for us to trust him with a chance: “OK, I’m not in control any longer. Please Lord, take charge of my life.” Miracles can happen, if we let them.

I know.

No matter how much your life is out of control, my friend, never give up. Your life never has to be out of control, perhaps just out of YOUR control. Even if, and when, your final day does inevitably come, your life will not be out of control, it will just have a different driver. And he DEFINITELY knows the way. And if, before then, it appears totally out of your control, well, just move over and let him take a test drive. I mean, he’s not some teenager; he’s been driving a lot longer than we have. You can trust him.

My Jesus, in all things, in all ways, for always, I WILL trust in You.