Love and Judgment

I hear it almost every day, and I feel it as a challenge: They look to me each day as a surrogate for Jesus. Although the ones speaking to me may not think of me specifically in that way, it is my perception of the conversation. They turn to me to judge their judgments; they ask for my understanding, for my blessing on their thoughts, especially the ones they are wrestling with which are contrary to the teachings of Christ. And as I formulate a response, I am always thinking not of their judgments, but of the one who judges me! They’re asking me; I’m asking Him.

“She divorced her alcoholic husband. He was terrible. The Church granted her an annulment, and then she met HIM. He was so good to her. She is so happy now. He was divorced too, but wouldn’t seek an annulment of his prior marriage; he didn’t want his kids to think they weren’t his sons. I can’t tell these people, my friends, that I think they were wrong. Even a priest blessed their marriage, which was before a judge. My God is a God of love; Jesus wouldn’t condemn their actions.”

Left unsaid to me was: Would you?

“He is a good man; he is a homosexual. He seems happy with his life; he goes to church and gives to charity. I can’t believe God wouldn’t bless him. And since I’m sure God wouldn’t judge him wrong, I won’t either.”

And then the look at me: Well?

“She was always a mean-spirited person growing up. She abused us kids, just like mom did. She was mom’s favorite. And now she abuses her own children, and when she visits, even mom. I won’t have anything to do with her, but I will try to protect mom. My sister only wants to see me when she wants something. I know Jesus wouldn’t want me to forgive her, to associate with her, and imply I condone her behavior.”

And implied, but unsaid: Would you?

How do we answer these unasked questions? Friends turn to us instead of Jesus, and implicitly ask for our understanding and agreement with their thoughts. They don’t want to challenge Him or his Church, but they will challenge us. They seem to imply that Jesus’ Church somehow doesn’t know what Jesus taught. (And when they turn to me, I’m reminded of Eve asking Adam: “Well, want some?”) They imply by their actions and words that they believe in Jesus and His Church, as we do, EXCEPT in this case. How do we answer our friends, and their asking of us for a blessing of their thoughts and actions?

Although I pray: “Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace,” when the opportunity does arise, I often think: Who, Me? Quietly I think: Lord, I want to play on your team, but toss the challenges to me underhand; don’t fire those fastballs at me. And my initial inclinations to my friends’ anxieties are almost always a desire to say: “Yes, yes, I understand. Of course, Jesus would not judge these people harshly, and neither should you. I agree, He IS the God of love.” (Now let’s change the topic.)

If I were to respond to my friends in that manner, I think it’d be like I DID swing at a lightly tossed, underhanded pitch – after I had already heard the THWACK of the ball in the catcher’s mitt: Strike One! If we really expect to do God’s will, to follow His example, to be an instrument of His peace, it won’t always be easy. We’ll face a lot of fast balls, and we can’t pretend they’re not what they are. And we have to be ready for the pitch.

All my above thoughts from recent days flashed through my mind this morning, as I knelt and spoke to Jesus, who I had just received in Holy Communion. And He was in a holy communion with me. I said (thinking those thoughts): “Lord, I am not worthy.” He responded: “But I gave you opportunities to show that you are worthy. If you want to be with me, you must act like me. If you want to act like me, you must be open to bringing my presence to my children when I send them to you. You think they should be praying to me, when instead they talk to you. When they talk to you, they ARE praying to me. Your prayers to me in that you might be an instrument of My peace: I have granted you your prayers. Now, BE that instrument of my peace. People sometimes can’t face me, and come to you with their problems, their worries, be my presence to them. You’ve studied my words, you’ve felt my love. And the love I give to you is like the love my Father gave to me. So give that Father’s love to those you meet. The Father’s love doesn’t judge harshly, but it doesn’t condone wrong either. It corrects with love, but it does correct. Can you love your neighbor thusly – even when it is hard to do? I come to you now in communion; despite all the wrongs you did, I still love you. But I expect you to go out and do as I taught you, even the hard things, but to do them with love.”

I think God has confidence in me – and in you, my friends – even in the hard times. If we think of Him as being a God of Love, never forget what He did out of Love: He died for us. Sometimes tough love is the best love, and we’re the ones who have to be tough. “Judge not, lest ye be judged”, is true. But equally true is: “Don’t cry Lord, Lord” without actions to back up your call, lest He say “I do not know you.”

Life is a challenge, but do not be anxious. We are not alone.