Time Never Stands Still

Orig: 04/04/09

I often fall prey to the assumption that time stands still. Things as they were, or as they are, or as I want them to be are static, unchanging things. But they’re not, and even the past I must reflect on differently, as I change and the people I deal with change. Both our changes cause us, with (hopefully) better wisdom, to SEE the past the same, but REFLECT on it differently.

I was forced to see this fact last week as I went to my Lenten confession. (Please! No notes reminding me of all I should have confessed, nor asking me how many hours that took!) As I told God, through the priest, my many failings, he focused on one thing: my anger and frustration at my elderly mom. Between her dementia and physical weaknesses, sometimes I get frustrated and angry – even as I know it’s not her fault. And I sometimes talked to her and asked her to change some things, even as I knew she wouldn’t/couldn’t. And my behavior troubled me.

The priest mentioned all the many things about the situation I knew, and quite frankly, his words were starting to go in one ear and out the other. I knew what he was saying. Nothing sounded new. But then he asked me to imagine I was a baby again, and my mom was caring for me. Certainly I often cried in the night, and mom was frustrated/angry at getting up to calm my cries. And certainly there were times where she was busy, yet my diaper needed changing and she stopped what she was doing because I needed her – and sometimes I promptly messed the clean diaper and she had to re-change me yet again. Surely she must have been frustrated or even angry at times. And maybe she talked to me about her anger. And yet, she still loved me. It may have been frustrating at times, but still she cared for me. She loved me, and that helped offset the frustrations and anger. She knew I couldn’t help being a baby, and not understanding her words of frustration to me. So she met my needs, and loved me anyway.

Tom, the priest said, now your mother is your baby. And you must love her and treat her – even with your sometimes anger and frustration – as she treated you. She is as a baby. And you must love her despite all her failings. You may remember conversations with her in the past, you may remember explaining things to her – or long ago, her to you. But that is the past. Time never stands still. You need to grow in your understanding of how the past was, and how things ARE, now. And love your mom, as you might love a baby. As she did – and does – love you.

That was a good confession. And even though I thought I understood everything about my mom and my present relationship to her, I grew in wisdom that day. I was able to move forward from the time I was stuck in, to reality today. The history I could see didn’t change; my understanding of it did. And I am a better, wiser person for it.

And I thought briefly of my relationship to God, and He to me. If my mom is as a baby to me, and sometimes very frustrating to me – as I was once to her, what must God feel about his relationship to me? Don’t I repeat the same mistakes over and over? Doesn’t it seem like I can never learn to do something the right way? Doesn’t it seem like I make a mess of things so very often? Doesn’t it seem as if I will never grow up? I guess He probably treats me as a baby too – a very slow-learning one. I must be very frustrating to Him. And yet He loves me anyway. And He loves me anyway. But that’s a reflection for another time.

I pass this on to you today because I think we all very easily get stuck in a time rut – we know the way things are, and we never change our thinking about them. We know what we want, and we never change that target. We understand how others think, and we never change our thinking about them. We understand the Church and God from what we learned as children, and we never change our thinking about them.

I’ve written in the past about our challenge to grow in wisdom, grow in holiness our whole life. Non-stop. So our attitudes about our friends, our family, our church, our work, our purpose in life, our understanding of God, should be always changing with that growth in wisdom. And if it is truly Wisdom, those attitude changes will be for the better, for them and for us. This week I read some of the writings of St Isidore – he’s considered the patron saint of farmers, and so maybe you’ll appreciate this (Smile!!). I took special note of what I read in part, I guess, because of the fact it was St Isidore’s parish and grade school that I attended so many years ago. St Isidore wrote: “If a man wants to be always in God’s company, he must pray regularly and read regularly. All spiritual growth comes from reading and reflection. By reading we learn what we did not know; by reflection we retain what we have learned. The more you devote yourself to a study of the sacred utterances, the richer will be your understanding of them.” Good words. I’m glad I read them.

Take the time to read some sacred utterances; take the time to reflect on them. Then you will grow in wisdom; you’ll grow in holiness; you’ll be a better person. And things that are changing all around you will not trouble you, for you will not be trying to stand still in time.

Peace be with you, my friends.