Who? Me??

It’s a rare person who has never been chosen last. It’s one thing for us to finish a race last, or get the lowest grade on a test. When that happens we know that we have failed, but perhaps with work there is some hope we can do better. But when we are CHOSEN last, not only do we know that we have failed, but we realize that others know we have failed, and they don’t mind announcing it to the world. “Okay, everyone else here has been chosen for a team, I guess we’ll have to take Johnny.” We’ll HAVE to. He’s the only one left.

You know that feeling.

And so many of us are sometimes surprised when we are chosen first; it’s never happened before. When our name is the first one called, we look around confused and say: “Who? Me??” It rather seems like someone has made a mistake. We NEVER get picked first. I wonder if St. Mathias (Feast day May 14), who was chosen to replace Judas, felt that way.

Mathias was a follower of Jesus, just like the apostles, but also like so many others. He probably didn’t feel very special, and in fact when he was picked to replace Judas the apostles didn’t really even choose him, they pulled his name out of the hat. And his name was only in the hat because he had witnessed the ascension. Not because he was a great preacher, not a wonderful holy man, and not even a good friend – no, it was “Let’s put that guy’s name in the hat because he was there; one more guy to support us when others say we’re lying about the ascension we saw. You’ll back us up, won’t you, Mathias?”

Mathias, chosen because he was a flunkie. Is that what he felt? Mathias, replacing Judas, “You can’t be any worse.” Is that what he felt? We now tend to think of Mathias as a man blessed by that choice, one chosen by the Spirit. It’s SAINT Mathias. But I wonder if he felt that way. Sometimes you only understand the rightness, the importance, or the greatness of something in retrospect, in looking back on it. At the time, it may have seemed like nothing important, and maybe even a bad thing, when we were suddenly chosen and we said: “Who? Me??”

I don’t know what Mathias thought on his being chosen. I do know that, looking back, we can see the importance of that choice, whether he understood it or not. And that this, like many things in the history of the Church, needs to be a lesson for us: God sometimes calls to us in small ways, and sometimes in rather surprising ways. And in response we should not respond to his call as some dumb, useless nerd: “Who? Me??” Rather, we should respond to God’s call, even if it seems strange or unusual, with the response of a loyal servant: “Speak, Lord, I’m listening.” Just because we think ourselves unimportant does not mean that God thinks of us that way. It just means we are dumb, useless nerds – but we don’t have to act that way.

I don’t know what Mathias was thinking, but I’d like to believe that when called what he said was, “Speak, Lord, I’m listening.”

I’d like to think that’s what I’ll say --- when he calls. When he calls.