Mini-Confessions

Augustine’s book, Confessions, was a beautiful book, and a remarkable one, too. He wrote it in his old age, yet the story he told reads like a diary, rather than a reflection. He remembered the feelings that he had in his youth; he remembered his questions, his doubts, and his questioning of himself. And he remembered his prayers, beautiful prayers --- they’re some of my favorite parts of the book. And upon his conversion, he remembered his joy and confidence that he and God were now walking together. He had some regrets about his reluctant walk, “Late have I love Thee,” but his joy overcame all his sadness.

As I said the rosary last night, I thought about a particular turning point in my life. As I began, I didn’t remember many of the facts from that time. Truly Augustine’s writings must have been like Scripture, written with Divine Inspiration, remembering and writing all that was important. My own memories were not nearly as clear, but as I let myself be led, reading the Sorrowful meditations, the pictures of my life --- the actions, the thoughts and words said --- all came back to me. I could look back in sorrow, and in joy, at that period of my life. And, most importantly, I know that I was not alone then.

How I wish I had last night’s knowledge and feelings then, in my time of sorrow. So many of my actions, then, were taken in trust. I gave thanks as I prayed last night, and asked if that trust --- if not that knowledge --- remain with me for my future sorrows, because I know they will come. And I don’t want to feel alone.

My journey and my meditations only took about a half hour last night, but I lived years. It was my own “mini-Confessions”. I often think that the past is the past, and that all we should focus on is what we can change, the future. But trips to the past, like I made last night, are good things for us to do, looking at how often our past life God was at our side, offering us comments, holding our hands. Reflections as these give us hope for our future journeys. They will help ease our future anxieties.

Mary, Jesus, the rosary, and me --- a good combination to mix on an October evening. Whether your past has many sorrows or few, I pray you find joy in recalling them, my friends, finding joy as I found in knowing you were not alone in your sorrows, and in truth, will never be alone again.

My Jesus, I trust in You. In all things, in all ways, and for all ways, my Jesus I trust in You.