I Don't Sin

Pride is the root of all sin, but a loss of
love --- of freely giving love --- is the result.

The conversation at my regular Saturday morning breakfast, with my friend who has Alzheimer’s, is one of exchanging facts.  We talk about the weather, last night’s ball score, what we did the past week, and who me met.  You don’t have to think about facts.  The curse of Alzheimer’s, however, is that even facts are sometimes forgotten or confused in the memory (and sometimes repeated over and over again).  Sometimes even simple conversation is hard.  What we don’t talk about on Saturdays is the reason why the facts are what they are; a reasoning conversation through the Alzheimer’s haze is impossible, but sometimes I can’t help but explain my actions, even if not understood by my friend.

One fact I sometimes mention in passing is that I went to (or am about to go to) confession.  His response is always the same: “Well, I’m an old dude; I don’t sin anymore,” and then he may recall some communal penance service he once attended.  I change the conversation at that point, because I DO sin, and I know it.

“Intimacy with Jesus is a healing for souls which are sick with sin.  He is the medicine we need.  The well are not in need of healing, but the sick are.  I Myself am the Way, the Truth, and the Life,” said the priest at mass this morning.  Earlier our Bible Study guys talked about intimacy, and how we often confuse physical closeness with understanding and intimacy.  We may have a wariness, a politeness, in dealing with our co-workers and bosses; if they don’t agree with or understand us, we don’t rant or rave in response.  You just don’t do that at work.  But when we get home and want to rest, but our spouse wants us to go shopping or begin that needed yard work, we often have no such wariness in our response.  We may react loudly and forcibly, and think that our reaction is okay this time, because, well, this is our home.  We think: “I can be myself here; my spouse will understand --- and if they don’t, I’ll make it clear to them.”  The Bible Study guys came to a conclusion that we often think that we have an intimacy with our spouse that really doesn’t exist.

Sometimes we assume a similar intimacy with Jesus.  God is all knowing, all loving, so of course He knows I mean well, so He understands and accepts me.  We sometimes assume those same thoughts about a spouse or good friend.  But that word “assume” does not consider a key point about a “relationship.”  If a relationship is only about facts, like my Saturday morning breakfast conversation, it is not an intimate relationship.  “Intimacy with Jesus is a healing for souls sick with sin” because He not only knows we sin, but beyond that fact, He knows why.  We can have intimate conversations with Him about it.  Intimacy includes empathy, love and understanding.  “He is the medicine we need” brings out a key point in any real intimate relationship: we don’t just take or assume things from the other person, we seek to give, to love, to understand THEIR needs, and our giving enables us to receive, to relate.  Intimacy with Jesus means we will seek to know Him, to understand His needs, and lovingly give them.  Intimacy with our spouse assumes the same thing.

My friend says “I don’t sin” because his mind no longer can consider the requirements --- on him --- of a relationship.  He assumes the love of God, no matter what he does.  He assumes the love of his long-time spouse, no matter what he does.  And I am sure he is right in those assumptions, made without reasoning or understanding.  If he fails God or his spouse in some way, he expects they’ll understand, and I’m sure they do, because he has Alzheimer’s.

What’s your excuse?

Pride is the root of all sin, but a loss of love is the result.  If we think a relationship is only about us and our needs, there is no relationship.  In our pride, thinking we deserve our way, we forget love.  Intimacy with Jesus or a spouse comes about when we stop talking about ourselves and what we want, but seek to understand the other, to love them before ourselves.  Pride IS a sin, we so often forget.