A Relationship With God

I know I’ve written on this topic before, but again tonight meditations came to me, blessings came to me, and I see God’s love clearly and feel I must write, as I sit here in His presence.

Monday nights --- well truth be told, all nights --- I begin my prayers with a Rosary prayer.  I know that Mary, and in particular her prayers for me, are part of the reason I’ve come to know her Son, I mean really know Him, in my heart, for there was a time when I did not.  But that relationship with her Son, and how I perceive and live it, is what I want to write about.

As I said, although I was always taught about God and, as an intelligent man, I knew OF Him, it was only in my later years that I entered into a relationship with Him.  My conversion story, how that came about and Mary’s role, you can read about in some other postings here, but let me tell you what I feel now, tonight, about it, and give you some examples.

On Monday nights, I pray the Rosary using meditations I wrote long ago on the Joyful Mysteries --- you can find those here also.  In particular, tonight, the first two mysteries struck my heart.  The first Joyful Mystery is: The Annunciation of the Angel to Mary.  It’s the story of how Jesus came to be conceived within Mary’s womb --- the announcement to her, and her acceptance of God’s will.  That’s of ongoing importance in my life also, not only that He came to Mary, but that in various ways He also announces His will to me --- like something as simple as telling me to write these words tonight, perhaps for you to read, or me to some day look back on and recall.  Regardless of the reason, I know He speaks to my heart sometimes, and like Mary I try to say yes to His will.  It’s the Second Joyful Mystery, however, the Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth, which struck me tonight, as it has on many another night.

In the First Mystery, Mary heard, believed, and resolved to do God’s will.  That’s a key point in any relationship with God: trust.  Mary didn’t understand all the “whys” of God’s request, but she said she’d try to do His will anyway.  I think that today, in our culture, too much importance is placed on the individual and his will.  If an angel were to appear to the average person today, I think their initial reaction would be of disbelief: “I’m still high on some drug or I’m dreaming.”  And their next reaction would be to assert their will: “Why do you want me to do this?”  Lacking trust, they’d want to know --- and agree with --- the mind of God, to make sense of the mind of God with their pea-brain, before they would say “yes” to His request.  The state of our culture is a sad thing, but I digress, let’s go back to the Second Mystery and its importance, for I do trust.

The Second Mystery deeply affects me because it moves beyond the one-on-one relationship of Mary with God, and goes on to the rest of Mary’s life.  Mary does not live alone in this world.  The now-pregnant Mary will have to face her husband-to-be, her parents, and her neighbors, and even in the First Mystery I saw perceptions of Mary’s inner thoughts about the angel’s request: “No one who sees me will understand.  They’ll talk; they’ll laugh.”  Today’s culture confronts any believer in God that way.  But in the Second Mystery, Mary visits Elizabeth, who she knows DOES believe, does understand, and does trust, for Elizabeth too is pregnant through the will of God.  And in her presence, against the world’s mockery, Mary knows: “I am not alone.”

In this ego-centric, self-centered culture, it is hard enough to find a true friend, someone who you can talk to about anything, but it is even more difficult to find someone who has a real relationship with God, someone who totally trusts Him.  Our “good friend” who does not have a relationship with God may not laugh at us, but she will challenge what we say we hear: “Do you really think God would ask that?  Maybe He meant this or that, or maybe you should wait before you do that.”  I have many friends like that.  I have few that would understand and trust, and that I could discuss spiritual matters with.  They, and my spiritual director, may sometimes ask questions about what I perceive as God’s will, but they don’t always challenge its possibility.  They trust, as I do, that sometimes God’s will may seem strange or pointless, but they can trust, as I do, that God sees a much bigger picture of events now, and how those events impact the future.  We may not be able to understand “why” God asks things of us, and perhaps we’ll never understand why.  Sometimes He asks us to be sowers of seed, and how and where He makes that seed grow is His business.  Ours is to do, and to trust.

But it is so very, very, very important to have someone we can talk to, a spiritual director or friend, who we can talk to and who also trusts.  To know that we are not alone.  When the “whys” of what we perceive as God’s will don’t seem to make sense, it is hard to stand up to or answer good, well-meaning friends, who challenge what we are doing.  They make assumptions.  Even when we try to explain, they don’t understand.  It’s like those who would look at the pregnant Mary --- even her good friends --- and say: “Yeh, we know what happened.”  And you feel alone.

The second line of my meditations on the Second Mystery is: “As I care for others, I am caring for You.  And You will care for me.”  Caring for others that God puts into my life now is, I firmly believe, God’s will for me.  It’s hard to even mention sometimes, much less talk about, some of the things I do because many of my friends don’t understand.  There are a few who can accept, but still, often it is a lonely walk.  Some of the later meditations on the Second Mystery are: “You stir within me; You’ll always be there,” and “You give me the courage to go on.”  When I pray those meditations, alone with God in the Adoration chapel, they have a deep meaning for me.

I wish everyone, especially those God brings into my life, had a real relationship with Him, so that together we could support our efforts to be His presence in this world, to do His will.  And on all the crises we face, to trust Him.

As we grow in holiness --- as we are all challenged to do all our lives --- we often find ourselves in a different place on the spiritual path than those around us.  Some are not as far along and they don’t understand how we can trust the Light we more clearly see, and we ourselves are behind some others, who sometimes we admire, but sometimes in frustration think: “I can never be like that.”

I suppose in the mind of every baby, looking at mom and dad and all the things they do, there is a similar thought: “I can never be like that.”

Never say “never” in your walk with God.  He loves you.  Trust in that alone, and your relationship will grow --- and you’ll be amazed at what you find you can do, just as He does.

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After writing these words in the chapel, I returned to my night prayers, and found that the next meditation in the book Divine Intimacy to be Meditation 11, titled:  In Search of God.  It says so well what I so clumsily said above.  It includes these words:

We live too much in the exterior.  Too often there is in us a host of inclinations, ideas, and strong passions which make us turn to creatures and induce us to give them our hearts, build our hopes on them, and find consolation in thinking about them.  We live in this superficial world which absorbs us so completely that it makes us forget the more profound life, the really interior life where a soul may live in intimate union with its God.  The Lord waits for us, so to speak, in the depths of our soul, but we do not go into these depths, taken up as we are with our affairs, to which we give all our interest.

We must then go forth from ourself and from all things, forget ourself and everything else; we must escape from the exterior world, from the superficial life, in order to hide ourself with the hidden God.

That, I would posit, is building a relationship with God.

But God wasn’t done with me this night, as I then read these words in The Better Part’s meditations (#56) on Tuesday’s gospel:

“To find the true meaning of life and unleash your true potential requires trusting in God more than in yourself, letting God’s grace flow through and maximize your natural talents.  (For) the family of God --- meek and humble of heart --- the true path to self-fulfillment now and in eternity:  forgetting oneself.

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But even after all these thoughts, God wasn’t done showing me the importance of trusting.

Earlier in the evening I had taken my favorite ornament from my Christmas tree and put it in my coat pocket.  I wanted to play its song to the couple who follow me into the adoration chapel at 2AM.  Why?  I honestly don’t remember what I was thinking when I did that --- but I think God did.

As 2AM approached, the door to the chapel opened, and in walked --- the man.  Alone!  I completed my prayers and then went and sat next to him and asked: “Where is your wife tonight?”  He briefly said that they had had a spat about some future plans, and she didn’t feel up to attending chapel tonight.  And I thought: been there; done that.

I briefly told him some examples of my plans, and how they caused me worry.  And then I said: “Sometimes we really want something, and it just seems right, and we want it with all our heart, and we just can’t see why we can’t have it.  Like this:” And I pressed the button on the Christmas ornament I had brought to the chapel, and it sang out: “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas; only a hippopotamus will do ….”  And he smiled.  Some things we want are hard, and maybe we shouldn’t have them.

I told him the ornament was his to play for his wife.  “And then talk to her,” I said, and --- pointing to the altar I said: “And talk to Him.  He’s part of your future plans, too.  And I can tell you honestly, His plans for my life turned out much better than mine.”

And he thanked me and shook my hand.

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I know I need to stop writing already, but it seems God wants to emphasize --- again --- what He is saying.  And so, before mass this morning began I read these words, underlined in my prayer book:

Ant. 1   Surrender to God, and he will do everything for you.

Psalm 37

If you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live in the land and be secure

Trust in him and he will act.

Be still before the Lord and wait in patience.

Calm your anger and forget your rage;
do not fret, it only leads to evil.

Ant. 2    Turn away from evil; learn to do God’s will; the Lord will strengthen you if you obey him.

I was young and now I am old.

All the day he is generous and lends
and his children become a blessing.
Then turn away from evil and do good
and you shall have a home forever;
for the Lord loves justice
and will never forsake his friends.

Ant. 3    Wait for the Lord to lead, then follow in his way.

Trust; it’s part of a good relationship.