I Was First

I arrived very early for the Christmas Eve midnight mass, and sat in the small chapel saying my Evening Prayers.  The Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary and Jesus’ presence spoke to me of the beauty of this night.  And time stood still.  And in the background music of chimes and harps played; yes, it was Christmas Eve.

As I somewhat expected, my prayers were completed only minutes before midnight, and leaving the chapel I saw the church full of worshippers, and so I chose one of the chairs set up on a side, for the expected overflow of people.  I was the overflow.  As the mass proceeded and neared the time for reception of the Eucharist, I expected to watch the rows of people go up to receive, and I would step in at the end.  However, as the Eucharistic ministers stepped off the alter to go to their various stations, I watched the first one walk down the aisle and, without pause, walk directly up to me.

In that whole church, I was first.

I was shocked at the great honor, and amidst my thoughts and prayers I recalled a similar situation which had occurred on Good Friday this year.  Then, expecting overflow crowds (and noisy distractions), I had arrived early and taken the very last seat in the last row in the church.  Then, as this Christmas Eve night, I was shocked as the usher did something totally unexpected, directing people forward starting with the last row.  I was first.  Then too, I was humbled.

But it was the day after Christmas when I began thinking on the meaning of these events.  December 26^th is the feast day of St. Stephen, “the first martyr,” as the priest mentioned in his homily.  And it struck me then to almost want to call out: “No, he wasn’t.  Jesus was the first martyr, who chose to die for us and the will of The Father!”  St. Stephen, and us, we only follow the example of Jesus.  St. Stephen may have been chosen by the Church to be called “the first,” but that was not Stephen’s choice.

The second day after Christmas is the feast day of St. John, apostle, evangelist, writer of the Gospel of Love, and a humble man.

Mary of Magdala … came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved.  ‘They have taken the Lord out of the tomb,’ she said … The other disciple, running faster than Peter, reached the tomb first, … but did not go in.”  (Jn20:1-10)

John was “the loved” disciple, “the other disciple,” yet he knew Peter was designated to lead the Church, and he deferred to Peter in all such matters.  John, beloved John, was certainly in a position many times in the Gospels (like the time above) to take a leadership role, but he did not choose to place himself first, even when he found himself in that position.  Are you seeing the pattern I saw?

On the third day after Christmas, we celebrate the feast day of The Holy Innocents, Martyrs.  I always thought it a bit strange, that we celebrate the Feast of St. Stephen, “The First Martyr,” and then two days later the feast of children who were martyred before St. Stephen, or Jesus for that matter!  So, who was first?

These innocent children suffered for Christ; in other words, the evil was directed at Christ, but it fell upon them.  Because of this, God will certainly give them a share in His heavenly glory.  All evil, ultimately, is directed against Christ.

… Christ redeemed suffering.  He made it a path to salvation … That’s why saints don’t respond to injustice with violence, they respond with charity, with love, --- they share the burden of their suffering neighbor, just as Christ shared ours.
--- The Better Part, Meditation 5

All of these, St. Stephen, St. John, and the Holy Innocents, followed Jesus, who chose to be last, the least among men, and for this they are seen as first.  Perhaps in this life, but certainly in the next, we will be honored, but it is critically important that we don’t seek, don’t choose honors, now.  Our future honor was won by Jesus, and by imitating His example, He will confer it upon us in due time.

I was reminded of a story I heard about the king’s favorite servant.  The servant sat at his feet, and never said a word.  He just stared at the king, always staring.  And because he knew the king, any little look, any little nod, any little lifting of a finger by the king caused the servant to run to do his will.  He knew the will of the king, and took any opportunity given him to do that will.  The king’s will was what he always looked for, always sought to do first.

It is a privilege to sit at His feet.  That is where we should choose to be first --- to be least.

- - - - - - - - - -

One final point was given me this Sunday morning, on the Feast Day of the Holy Family.

My morning prayers (for the last 25 years) are those from the Litany of the Hours, and more recently from a small book of The New Testament and Psalms, from which I read one chapter of each.  A couple of days ago I found myself reading the last chapter of The Book of Revelation, the end of the New Testament.  I thought that somewhat fitting, at this, the end of the year.

But this morning I opened to my two bookmarks and found myself reading Matthew, Chapter 2 and Psalm 70.  And now I see, in God’s wisdom, how those are a most fitting conclusion to these meditations, and a further reminder of Who is first.