Look at Me

Last night I heard a woman say how one of her grandkids was bi-sexual.  It’s led to estrangement with her daughter.  She said: “I love my grandkids; how could I not?  And I tell them this --- and their mother --- when I am able to see or speak to them.”  I commented that “they know what y0u believe; even Jesus ate with sinners.”  I don’t know if those were helpful words.

This morning I recalled a conversation I had long ago with my mentally-challenged younger brother (we said ‘retarded’ then).  He lived his life under the care of our parents, and one time when I visited them, I mentioned a miracle that occurred.  The next day my brother and I were out walking and he said: “I saw Jesus and He talked to me.”  I immediately perceived that he was saying this in reaction to the miracle I had mentioned.  I had said “God came,” but my brother heard: “everyone visited and talked to him --- he was important.”  Because of his mental illness, my brother in his youth was often looked down upon or ignored.  He had only one friend outside of family.  He felt unimportant his whole life.  His saying that God spoke to him was his way of saying: “look at me.”  I don’t recall what my comments to him at that time were, but I suspect they were not particularly helpful words either.

I am not a psychologist, but I can see how kids think.  Having friends, being praised or well thought of is important --- regardless of the reason which brings that about.  Pretty kids are happy.  Rich kids are happy.  Intelligent kids are happy.  They are different in ways which attract other kid’s attention.  They don’t have to say “Look at me”.  But not all kids are pretty or rich or intelligent, yet they still crave to say or do something which says “Look at me”.  Saying “Look at my sexuality” is nothing new.

Love from family or friends or God is perceived by a child as showing they are important.  “I feel loved” replaces the need to take actions which say “Look at me”.  Kids are kids, and likely they will take actions to say “Look at me” if they don’t feel loved.  Those actions are often not wise actions --- but they are kids.  Sometimes those actions are life-changing actions, and often illegal.  But, the kids get noticed and feel important, even if it took a sex change operation to do it.

Today many former illegal or immoral actions ARE legal, and even encouraged.  They are just another “choice” we make in our freedoms, and kids make them to attract attention.  I read how that in the Roman Empire a young boy’s first sexual experience was always with a man.  They were taught that this is permitted or even good.  And I’m sure with that first experience it said to them “Look at me!”

My Catholic Faith says sin requires knowledge of its seriousness.  Kids don’t know the seriousness, the life-changing consequences, of may actions which are now permitted.  That knowledge comes with maturity and/or growth in faith.  It’s because they are not mature that kids can’t legally make many decisions:  drinking, entering military service, or entering religious life.  If those things were permitted or encouraged to young children --- as they are/were in some countries --- I would still think they were wrong, even as I think it wrong encouraging young children to sin in any way, even if it is no longer illegal or perceived as sin by adults who “choose” to sin.

The internet, the news, and now even our schools promote actions by children once considered sin.  And perhaps, as the Bible says, that is the greatest sin of all.  As the woman spoke last night, she still loves her grandkids; it is a choice she makes regardless of their actions, but she doesn’t have to agree with or promote those actions to show her love.  Jesus showed us how to love the sinner, without encouraging the sin.  He said to them: “Look at you!  I love you!”  I think the woman who loved her grandkids loved that way, but unlike today Jesus never had parades or classes to promote their sin.

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The men’s group this morning spoke about the sacrament of Penance, confession of sins.  We heard a story about a father who saw his son steal a toy from his younger brother.  The father was about to admonish the older boy, when the younger one began crying and sobbing.  And then the older one gave the toy back and hugged his younger brother and said “I’m sorry”.  The father was glad he hadn’t intervened, and saw the life lesson.  What I noticed most about that story was that the older one sought forgiveness when he saw the sadness is action caused, caused to someone who loved him.  I commented that perhaps that is why we sin so easily, and even promote sin: we don’t perceive the sadness it causes to God, the God Who was sinned against.  God loves us.  Perhaps if we better felt that in our hearts, we wouldn’t want to sin against Him and make Him sad. 

If we knew God was unhappy with us and wanted God’s love, we would tell Him, like in the confessional say, “I’m sorry,” and mean it.  Perhaps we find it very hard not to sin and make Him sad, “it’s who we are”.  Sadly, our culture says that sin is just another “choice”.  It is much more than that.  I firmly believe that most bad people don’t think themselves as bad; there is a reason for their actions --- even if it’s just to say: “Look at me,”.  I’m very sure Hitler thought he was a good man.  But, we can talk to God, tell Him we’re sorry and resolve not to make Him sad again, even as we know we’ll fail, but we don’t want to make Him sad.  In a choice between “Look at me” and “Look at God”, we need to know with all our heart which choice is more important, whose happiness is more important.