Am I Catholic?

 

I’ve been Catholic, in name, all my life.  I studied what Catholic meant, and what Catholics did, and I imitated that.  But every child knows the rules of baseball, and can (sometimes) hit a ball, but will they be remembered for all eternity as being a ball player?

I don’t know why, but my Friday morning Bible Study with my Protestant friends has, of late, opened my heart to my Catholic beliefs, and how often I know them, but fail to live them.  The Bible Study, on the Gospel of Mark, started on Peter’s thrice denial of Jesus, and the cock crowing.  There was much of the usual conversation about what Jesus was feeling and what Peter was feeling --- which centered around Peter’s fear of also being arrested.  “I don’t know the Man,” he said, ---- out of fear?  Suddenly I put me --- ME --- in Peter’s shoes.  Would I have been afraid?  Perhaps, but remember they had let me/Peter go earlier in the garden, even after I had chopped a guy’s ear off.  No, in “my wisdom” I’d perceive they only wanted Jesus, and they had him.  No, I’d perceive myself as the Peter Jesus took up to the Transfiguration, the one He had walk on water (and rescued when I didn’t do it well), and the one He called “the rock”, the one the other apostles looked up to.  I would have been trying to create a plan --- what should I be doing next?  And those people questioning me?  They were interrupting my thoughts.  “Weren’t you with him?  Aren’t you one of them?”  Were I Peter, I would have become irritated at the interruptions.  “Get away from me.  I’m busy.  I don’t know the Man.  I’ve got work to do.  I can’t take time to talk with you.”  And THEN the cock would have crowed.  And I would have suddenly remembered Jesus’ prediction that I’d deny Him three times.  And I also would have remembered why He made that prediction.  He said His plan was to suffer and die, and I said “No, I won’t let that happen.”  He made His plans clear to me, but I said: No, mine are more important.

That’s what I would have perceived were I Peter.  And, I would have wept, even as I do today when I so often rate my thinking more important than His, when I know His will in my head --- I am so wise --- but not in my heart.  I so often pray the Litany of Humility, and the short version: “Not my will, Lord, but Thy will be done in me.”  And that is what I sincerely want --- in my head.

The Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus is celebrated for what His heart was and is.  It is love, and love --- as meant by love of God and love of neighbor --- is not about my plans, it’s not about my mind.  It’s about what should be in my heart.

Make my heart, Lord, like unto Thine.

Later I read in my Morning Prayers:

Do not abandon us, Lord our God; You did not forget the broken body of your Christ, nor the mocking His love received. We, Your children, are weighed down with sin, give us the fullness of Your mercy.

A humble contrite heart, O God, You will not spurn.

Indeed, You love truth in the heart; in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom.

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I recently heard an interview of Fr. Spitzer, a noted physicist and author.  He commented on recent Eucharistic miracles, in 1996 in Buenos Aires, 2006 in Texla Mexico, and 2008 in Seculca Poland.  In each, the Sacred Host became physically real flesh, and bled real blood.  And like all modern miracles, they were investigated and scientifically tested by non-Catholic scientists.  In the Mexico miracle, part of the host became heart tissue, and bled.  As with many prior Eucharistic miracle testings, it was type AB blood (like the Shroud of Turin), still living with living white blood cells (which is impossible) and physically attached to the bread of the host in a way that is scientifically impossible --- but it is, and it still is today, and still bleeds today (which is impossible).  The 19 scientific papers attesting to this scientific reality, and impossibility, can be seen in published papers.  And one of the scientists, knowing the impossibility of what he found, became a Catholic.  He believes that host is the Real Presence of Jesus (or scientific evidence would say so).  Of course, that leads one to say “Well, if it’s a scientific fact, why doesn’t everyone believe?”  Well, many saw Jesus raise the dead to life, and didn’t believe what they saw either.  Things haven’t changed much since then, or perhaps we’ve gotten as stubborn as them.  “I know what I know, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.”

And more people are learning in our culture, that they can choose to be right, despite what everyone else, including scientists, believe.  They used to call it the Catholic “faith”, believing what you could not see, because God revealed it so.  Now you don’t need faith, science can prove what God said is right.

Am I Catholic?  Billions of people have trusted in Jesus, His designated Church which has protected that deposit of faith, revelation, and now science.  And now they are mocking people who call themselves Catholic.  And many believe in no God except themselves.  But surveys also show, most definitely, that those who do believe, who do go to worship, who pray as families and communities, are much happier than those who don’t.

Exercising “my right” to make myself happy has never before created so many very unhappy people.  Isn’t there a saying about “not knowing what is good for us?”  Maybe that’s why Jesus came.  To show us what good is.  And in the Eucharist, I believe He stays, even with those who just can’t believe it.

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The priest came out and knelt in front of the monstrance and host it contained at the center of the altar, and he began softly singing:

                Jesus, I believe;
                Jesus, I believe;
                Jesus, I believe;
                I believe in You.

                Jesus, I believe;
                Jesus, I believe;
                Jesus, I believe;
                I believe in You

                Jesus I believe;
                Jesus, I believe;
                Jesus, I believe;
                Jesus, I believe in You.

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Surveys now say that only about 30% of Catholics believe that the host really is in essence the Body and Blood of Jesus, the core teaching of the Catholic faith.  The central focus of the mass, it is the essence of the Catholic faith.  Perhaps that low belief of His Real Presence explains why only 50% of Catholics attend mass on Sundays --- but then again only 50% of Protestants do also.  “Jesus, I believe in You” cannot be sincerely said by most Americans,

I recently read a commentary on how humans believe.  It said: “Imagine that a bright star came slowly down to earth, and everyone could see (and He proclaimed) it was God.  It would be like in olden Jewish times, when only Moses could go near Him and people feared God.  They fell on their faces in fear of His magnificence and power.  God was, well, God.  But, back to reality.  Jesus came.  He was/is God.  They crucified Him.  Catholics believe His Presence comes down into a little bread at each mass, for us to make Him part of our body, a taste of eternity when we’ll always be together.  And, that Real Presence is set up in chapels for adoration.

How can I love Him as I ought?