Why Would Jesus Be in a Piece of Bread?

Yesterday for the first time ever, Pope Francis called for a united worldwide hour of prayer at 5-6 PM, Rome time.  It was to be an hour of prayer and adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, praying that God would help those in need in the world, and that we might be His instruments.  It was a very public reflection of this pope’s priorities.

But that is not to say that there are not other important things to pray for, and to do.

I could not attend any of the local prayer services, for in the midst of them is when I was to be at mom’s, to care for her.  THAT is my priority.  And so I entered the small chapel near mom’s house at the start of the hour, joining a couple of women already there, to join with those around the world, praying as one.  Shortly after I arrived, another woman arrived at the small chapel, and she appeared confused.

“Where is the host?” she asked, pointing at the front of the small chapel.  We explained to her that this small chapel has hours of adoration in which the host is visible in its special container, a monstrance, only during weekdays, when individuals sign up for times to be present 24/7, so that someone is always in adoration before Jesus in the Eucharist.  “Oh,” she said.  “I thought the host would be here so we could pray with the pope.”  We pointed to the center of the chapel and the large golden container, the tabernacle, on the altar.  “Jesus is present there in the consecrated hosts contained in that tabernacle.  The sign of his presence there is indicated by that red candle next to the tabernacle. He IS present, and so we ARE praying to Him here, in union with the pope.”  “Oh,” she said again. 

And then she got up and left.

We continued to pray silently after she had left, but my mind was distracted.  “Oh ye of little faith,” I wanted to say aloud.  But what purpose would that had served, except to vent some frustration I was feeling?  And so I prayed silently for a few more minutes until it was time for me to go to care for mom.

But this morning, thoughts came back to me of the incident, along with some “I wish I would have said that” words.  My considered thoughts, my response to the confused woman, would have been in the form of an analogy.  I would have suggested to her that Jesus’ presence in the host reserved in the tabernacle versus the host displayed in the monstrance is not unlike a presidential candidate’s presence, at a large public rally versus him present at a small intimate luncheon.

At the public presidential rally:

·         You can hear the candidate, if you listen closely.   

·         You may not understand the words he speaks; they may be truths based on bigger issues or confidential data which you don’t have access to or understand, and

·         You can communicate to him, perhaps call out or submit written questions, but you don’t know if he is listening.

At the private luncheon, those things are clearer, in part because both you and he are more closely focused on each other, and you can see each other.  With the added personal time, you can understand each other better, can exchange thoughts or questions --- but you still may not understand the truths of all he says, for the reasons noted.  But at either the public gathering or the private one, there are some additional key points that impact the communication between both of you, and of its importance to you personally.

Communication depends on trust:

·         His words may be lies, and so you will have to decide what is going on behind his nice smile and pleasant words.  Is he being truthful on those things you can’t verify, especially on the actions which he says he will do?

·         You are just one among many to him; how much you can trust him may depend (a little) on how important he sees you to his campaign:  are you just another voter, or are you a potential big-time donor?

·         He doesn’t love you.  At best, there is some political or perhaps business relationship between you.  He doesn’t value you for any other reason, or care about you, nor your needs and wants.

If we replace the presidential candidate with Jesus in this analogy, you can see that the similar difference between Jesus in the tabernacle at the front of any Catholic Church (where one or thousands may gather in front of Him) and Jesus in the Host displayed in the Monstrance for ongoing Eucharistic Adoration (where 1 or 2 people are present at all times, 24/7, in adoration).  The points about communication apply equally regardless of how Jesus’ presence is displayed, hidden or open, but the point about the personal, one-to-one, communication applies especially to the visible host on display.  I’m sure the Apostle Thomas believed that Jesus was God, but still when his most trusted friends, the other apostles, said Jesus was alive and appeared to them, he said “I have to see this to believe.”  This is a common human condition:  tangible things we can see right in front of us are more easily believed.  There are still some people who refuse to believe that man walked on the moon or that the Holocaust really happened, because they only saw it on television or read about it.  It is such a strange thing to them that they can’t believe unless they see, right in front of them, the men in space suits walking, or the people in the ovens burning and screaming.

But this matter of communication, real communication and understanding, is much more than just seeing things with our eyes.  Remember the other point above: that communication depends on trust.  There are some things which cannot be seen:  truth, friendship, love.  Much of communication depends on trust, or Faith.  We usually think of the word “faith” in reference to things of God, but you can see that faith also applies to everyday relationships and communications.  By accepting the words of many people, we are expressing a faith in those people, believing them despite the fact that we can’t see the action of their words with our eyes ---- although perhaps our faith may had some basis in the past actions of those people which we DID see. 

But isn’t that how our faith in God exists also?  A voice speaking from the sky is one thing (“maybe it was just thunder”), but miracles and a physical presence are another.  And aren’t miracles and the historical undisputed physical presence of Jesus enough to permit us to have at least some faith in Him and His promises?  He promised He would be with us always.  He said: “Do this in memory of me.”  The Catholic Church has always believed in His presence in the bread and wine, his real presence.  And the hundreds of Eucharistic miracles over the years further give evidence of His presence there.  So why do so many, even Catholics, seem to find it hard to accept that Jesus is present in the host?  “Why would Jesus be present in a piece of bread?” they ask.  Books have been written about the logic of it, but at the bottom line, it’s because He said so.  And I believe Him.  He is not a politician; He’s someone who has demonstrated how much He loves me. And so I have faith in Him.

I understand the woman who couldn’t accept that the host was present in the small tabernacle because she couldn’t see it more than I do those who see it and still don’t believe.

But, then again, I at one point was one of those people.  Raised Catholic, taught and accepted the “Real Presence” of Jesus, saw the host so often raised at mass and adored at Benediction services and Holy Hours, and prayed to often in front of the monstrance, yet I still never really confronted my lack of REAL faith.  I needed a miracle to believe; perhaps we all do. 

Faith is a gift.  Isn’t that a miracle?  It was for me.  But perhaps most importantly, for our communication with God, for our trust in Him, so that we can understand the truth He wishes to convey to us, and so that we can FEEL the Love He has for us:  shouldn’t we pray for faith?  My earlier life, when God was “sorta out there,” and when God was thought about “a little bit” on Sundays, was not nearly as fulfilled as it is now, when I know that He is present, and that HE LOVES ME.  We now communicate well.  It makes my life worth living.

All my life I have known how important I am to me, now I know how important I am to God.

My Jesus, I trust in You.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.  

Momma, Come Get Me!

Yesterday was a bad day for mom.  Thursday night had been a very restless one, and the live-in caregiver said mom talked, sometimes loudly, all night long.  It was talk in her sleep, or some level of near sleep, and even if woken, she could not be brought out of her dreams, if that is what they were.  So, with little rest that night, I guess it wasn’t surprising that Friday was a most difficult day.

In truth, it was mom who WAS difficult on Friday, even though we were the ones who felt the anxiety over her condition.  She wished to eat little, and wanted no one to touch her, lashing out to scratch anyone who sought to feed her or change her wet bedding.  But both had to be done, and were.  It was difficult.  Shortly after I arrived at noon, she was nodding off --- but talking as loudly and confidently as if she were having a conversation with ….who??  So I put the head of the hospital bed down so she might rest.

She spoke loudly and often during the next 5 hours, and attempts at waking her brought no awareness of the day’s reality; she was in her own world.  Often she cried loudly:  “Mama!! Come get me, mama!”  To me, the words sounded like ones she might have spoken in her youth, where both English and Polish were spoken in the house.  But yesterday was May 31st, the Feast of the Visitation.  We honored our Mother Mary that day, and meanwhile my earthly mother cried out --- to her? 

I don’t know, but I know I prayed to her.

Attempts at waking mom for dinner were fruitless.  I got her to open her mouth and eat a couple of small bites of meat and potato, but she wouldn’t open except to say: “Get away!” after that.  She took a few sips 7-Up from the straw, but that was the extent of the liquids.  And she began calling loudly again:  “Momma!”  She seemed warm, and so I changed her blanket to a lighter one.  I made no attempt to move her because any touching brought yells of pain --- whether real or imagined, I did not know.  Before putting her back down to sleep, since she couldn’t stay fully awake, I gave her a half Motrin crushed and mixed in some applesauce, which the caregiver got her to eat.

The talking and sometimes screaming went on after I left the bedroom.  The caregiver and I talked for a while, and then after about a half hour, mom's bedroom became quiet.  Checking on her, we saw that she slept peacefully.

I write these things here, in part to document and remember these things myself, and for my fellow caregivers out there in the world, ones of today and future ones.  This dying process, this pain, this anxiety-causing stress, they are all part of living, and life is a good thing ---- even in the difficult times.  These are times to remember to pray, and to sincerely say:  Jesus, I trust in You.  God DOES make good out of all things, even the bad.

This morning the caregiver called me.  Mom had woken up at about 10:30 and was eating breakfast calmly and quietly ---- as if yesterday had never happened.  And for her, it hadn’t. 

It is only us, the supposedly sane and reasonable ones who so often remember things of the past when we shouldn’t.  The past is the past; we can’t change it.  And so we should not be anxious about it.  We live for the future, and in the future, for my mom and for us, there will be much happiness.

He promised us it would be so.  Have faith.    

Am I A Good Parent?

My thoughts on this subject arose when I was looking at my own life, and the things I had to learn the hard way.  Could I have done better?  Could I have learned life’s lessons quicker?

Should I have been taught some of these things by my parents??

And so I found myself questioning:  Where is the dividing line of what parents should teach, and what children should learn on their own?  Is there a definition of a good parent?  I can’t change the past of my own life, nor am I searching for weaknesses in my own parents’ teaching of me --- if any.  But what I am trying to do is make things better in the future (Do we have any other purpose in life?), if not for myself, then for others.  And so I set out to answer these questions in the way I know best:  books.  Below are reviews of three of the better books I have read on the subject of parenting.  They answered and went beyond my questions.  They are good reference books for parents, and tools to make them better parents.

I stumbled across the old book “Sins of Parents” (written in 1951).  I liked the title because it implied that parenting is a serious obligation.  The book’s dedication read: “To fathers and mothers everywhere, and to their bewildered and bewildering children.”  I liked that.

The eight chapter titles describe the book’s value.  The first four chapters are headed as covering: Sins of Commission.  The last four chapters are headed as covering: Sins of Omission. 

I think the chapter titles tell much of what the book is about, some of the basics of parenting which, at one time, were thought of as not some “religious” ideals or commands, but just the obvious laws of nature.  How times have changed.

Here are the eight chapter titles:

1.      Broken Homes and Their Evil Consequences

2.      Parents Who Fail at Love

3.      By Their Sins You Shall Know Them

4.      Alcoholic Parents

5.      Parents Who Neglect to Teach the Value of Truth and Honesty

6.      Parents Who Fail to Teach Thrift

7.      Parents – Simon Legrees or Milquetoasts

8.      Parents Who Fail to Prepare Their Children for Life

Some may look at this book as not PC; it pulls no punches.  And some things it points out as facts back then, sixty years later we are seeing as “new” studies, which we read and say: “Gee.  I didn’t know that.”  For instance, Mr Doyle writes: “It is a great disadvantage for a boy to be brought up solely by his mother, without the constant presence of a father.”  I recently noted the study pointing out the huge decline in all aspects of society for men raised by a single parent --- even as I read in today’s paper the “wonderful” progress of women who make up 60% of college graduates and lead exciting work lives (and have “sexual freedom”).   

 Sins of Parents is not just a list of commandments for parents, but is also provides some sources of learning to be better parents.  And it bluntly lists some things as important that are so often forgotten today:

·         One of the finest lessons any parent could teach a child is “Never spend all your income.”

·         Fewer conflicts over discipline would occur if parents would make more fuss over the good deeds accomplished than the bad ones committed by children.

·         Fathers and mothers who cannot control their children are usually those who have never spent one cent of money for, or one hour of time reading, a book on the training of children.

·         Don’t humiliate him in public or before his companions; don’t let him humiliate you in public.

·         As we have often stated, the end of marriage is the procreation and education of children.

Moving up a bit in time (to 2010), Parenting on Purpose by Jason Free is almost as common sense as the first book reviewed, but written in a more conversational tone.  Jason talks to you; asks you questions, and comments on his thoughts and parenting successes --- and failures.  At the end of each chapter he suggests some very simple actions for parents to take.  And, at the end of each chapter, are reflections from dad and from mom.  The structure of the book makes it very personal, as the author talks directly to you.

Sins of Parents chided parents for not reading about how to raise children.  Parenting on Purpose is the type of book that the former would recommend.  It is written for parents and parents-to-be.  It is very much a “how to” book on raising Christian children.  Unlike my usual book reviews, I have no sharp quotes from this book, yet I can strongly recommend it.  ANY parent will find something to learn here, and to build upon.

The final book I’ll comment on here is “Imitating Mary --- Ten Marian Virtues for the Modern Mom,” by Marge Fenelon.  Not being a mom, I admit that I largely picked this book up based on Cardinal Dolan’s back-cover recommendation --- and the fact that I have three nieces who are great (but always could be better) moms.  This is no “how to” book on raising children, but rather a “how to bear up book, while doing the things that a good mother does, willingly and lovingly.

Mary, the Mother of Jesus, is looked at in this book as a model mother, with the virtues a good mother needs.  From Patience and Trust to Courage and Hope (and even considering a view of the Unwed Mother in one chapter), each chapter looks at Mary’s example of virtue, and then reflects on how that virtue is needed by all moms today.  And, I especially like, it explains WHY that virtue is so important to being a good mother.

At the end of each chapter is a prayer and Thoughts to Ponder, and then a few questions for Reflection and Application.  The questions challenge the reader to see how she already has some degree of the subject virtue, and then this section follows with a final one:  Imitating Mary’s (virtue).  I liked this last section because it lists positive, simple things a mom can do to further her virtuous actions.

Under “Imitating Mary’s Patience” it says:

         Explain things carefully to others, and remember that they’re not necessarily coming from the same perspective as you are.

2.      Allow others the space to sort things out.

3.      Seek counsel from someone older and wiser.

4.      Surrender heartaches and misunderstandings to God.

5.      Realize things aren’t always what they seem.

6.      Ask Mary to help you become a woman of profound patience.

Sometimes we need to see words written down so that we can let them really soak in, or so we can go back to them on occasion.  Those “Do this and that” suggestions can be utilized as sort of an Examination of Conscience.  Every so often you can go back and read them again and say to yourself: “I said I wanted to act that way, did I do so this past week (or month)?”  This can become a checklist for moms to self-help themselves, or even to do so with other moms.

I plan to send these books to my three nieces.  I don’t know if they’ll read them --- they’re very busy people --- or even glance at them.  But I do know that if they are not sitting on a shelf somewhere in their home, they DEFINITELY won’t read them.  And I think these are good reflections, admonitions, and self-help books for any parent.

We need more good parents --- who know what good parents are, and who strive to become ones.