Was Judas A Good Guy?

We celebrated the feast day of St. Matthias this past week.  Matthias was the man chosen by the apostles to replace Judas.  Some of the men at the local prayer breakfast joked that Matthias might have been worried at being picked to replace Judas.  Perhaps he thought: “Good grief!  I hope I’m not like him!”  I opined that I wondered if the apostles, having been stung by a traitor and thief in their midst, might not have eyed Matthias (and indeed each other) a little more warily:  “Could you give us a statement of Revenues and Expenses each month, Matthias --- audited by one of us?  And in the future, could anyone who finds reason to visit the high priest in the middle of the night talk to Peter first --- we already had one betrayer in our midst, ha-ha.”

Maybe that’s how things happened after Judas’ betrayal and Jesus’ death and Resurrection.  We’d like to picture the apostles as saints doing only saintly things, but we must remember that they were men.  And we only have to look in the mirror to know how men are.

But what of the man, Judas?  What kind of man was he, and what was he thinking?  He betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver --- greedy bastard, we think.  But was that the whole story?  Why did he do that?

Was Judas a bad guy?  If he had kept the thirty pieces of silver, would he have joined Saul in leading the persecution of Christians?  And what would people have thought of him then?  Might he not have become a highly respected Jewish leader?  Weren’t there other leaders who betrayed those who spoke against the state or against the temple leaders, and weren’t they rewarded for being such good citizens and Jews?  Couldn’t you imagine Saul saying to the Jews: “You say you traveled with this Jesus and he was the Messiah, well, let’s hear from another man who traveled with him, and saw him up close for what he really was.  Judas, come up to the podium and speak.  Tell us, was he the Messiah?”

Judas undoubtedly thought he was looking out for himself, true, but he may also have thought he was looking out for the state.  The Messiah was expected to lead the Jewish people, bringing to them power and riches --- a time of plenty.  Judas could see he wasn’t going to get rich from this guy’s preaching, and many temple leaders did say he was committing blasphemy, so why not betray him.  Wasn’t that a good thing to do?

Judas did what many people of that day thought they were supposed to do, to serve the state and church and make a good life for themselves. Tax collectors, kings and high priests, we may look at them as bad sinners today, but in their day they may not have been loved, but they were respected.

The word “love” began to have a new meaning in the New Testament, with Jesus.  In the Old Testament, there were a dozen words for love with varying meanings, but in the New Testament the word “love” almost always meant a self-giving, “agape” love.  In fact, the Greek word for erotic love, “eros”, is never used in the New Testament at all.  If Judas confused love with respect, there were many Jews who followed the books of the Old Testament who might have thought likewise.  And many of them thought of the commandments only as ways to ensure that they were personally closer to God.  “I want to love/respect God, and I want God to love/respect ME, so I obey the law.”  For the Jews, this was good and proper thinking.  But Jesus came to change that way of thinking, and Judas didn’t get it --- and perhaps many of the apostles didn’t get it either, in that time prior to Pentecost.  When Jesus voiced the two Great Commandments, love God and love neighbor, the scribe responded to him: “You are right, Teacher, … to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”  And then “Jesus saw that he answered wisely.”  It was a wise man, Jesus said, who recognized that the commandments were about love for others, and not to ensure love of self.  This was new thinking.

Looking back throughout the Old Testament, what is the predominant thing we see?  I think it is individuals wanting things better for themselves, and thinking they deserved it.  Adam and Eve’s sin, Cain’s sin, well, you can go on and on.  They are all about someone trying to get what they want.  And then God intervenes and seems to tell the people that HE must come first, not them.  And so they slowly come to accept that:  Give God what He wants ---- so that He will give me what I want. 

I wrote a post a while back on CD I listened to titled: Trust in God.  It was a talk by a Fr. Thomas Richter.  I perchance (?) saw it and listened to it again this week (I need to write myself a memo to listen to this talk more often; it’s very good).  One of the things that caught my attention was when Fr. Richter talked about our relationship with God.  Some people, he said, think they can grow in holiness by becoming self-reliant.  The pray for something they want, get it, and then they don’t need God anymore.  They think they are to do everything for themselves and, when necessary, ask God to help.  (They appear not too different from the Jews.)  They don’t get it, he said.  Without God, they can do nothing for themselves.  They don’t need to turn to God in their needs; they need to trust in God for everything, for a God who loves them as a Father wishes to give them everything.

Judas might have been respected as a good guy in Jesus’ day, by many if not most people.  “Looking out for number one” was a virtue.  Are things so different these days?  So often in our country we hear Church leaders speaking of America and Europe being in a “post-Christian” era.  Perhaps this would be better described as being a “pre-Christian” era.  It appears that many of us believe the thinking of Judas is good thinking.  It appears that we have forgotten, or perhaps we never really learned, the lesson of Christ. 

He came to teach us to love; He came that we might have eternal life.  And the one who “gets this,” he is a wise man.  And he trusts in the Lord.  Always.

And he is not anxious.         

When Love Ends: Crying Alone

These days I often find myself choking up, crying, as I begin to respond to a question often asked of me:  “How is your mother?”  Before any words can come into my mouth, unbidden thoughts flood my brain:  she is dying, and going away soon.  And so the tears just come. 

Were I able to stop and think on the matter then --- as I am now --- I’d see that my crying response is illogical.  Yes, I know she is dying, but with great confidence I also know that this is a good thing, for her.  An end to her pain, an end to her days (and nights) filled with disturbances created by all those who care for her weakening body, and the beginning of her eternal peace.  All those good things are approaching for her, so why do I cry at her coming happiness?  It is illogical: the tears that happen; they happen not because I will them.  They are a natural thing, and like all natural things, they come about for a reason.

To understand this, I think we need to look at other times of spontaneous tears, other times people are preparing to part.  Sometimes we cry when the parting is only temporary, like a mother looking at her newborn baby as she gently puts it to bed.  Sometimes our parting is only a loss of physical presence, like the young-adult leaving home for the first time, to live on his own.  But, looking at this example, we can see that at least in one sense this is not a parting:  with all the technological gadgets we can still remain in communication with almost anyone, almost instantly.  How is this a parting?  It is parting only physically; they are no longer bodily present, and that seems to be important.  With them gone, you can’t physically show your love to them --- you can’t hug them --- and you can’t see their physical reaction, their acceptance of your love, nor be hugged back.  A physical presence, with love, is a thing that it is in our nature to desire to have, and to keep.

“Parting is such sweet sorrow,” and it often brings tears --- where love is present.

I think that those are the two reasons for my spontaneous tears at the thought of my mother’s death:  she will physically be gone from sight, and I love her.  Without either of those two points I wouldn’t be naturally driven to tears --- naturally driven to tears.  Ahhh, now I see: the physical communion with other people and loving them are natural things, things it is our nature to do.  And it is in our nature to desire them so much, especially in family, that having gained them we grieve their loss:  we cry.

God created us to be family, to want to be together, to want to give love to each other.  He made us that way.  And when we become that way it is a natural fit, a wholeness we were meant to feel.  And so when a time of parting arrives, we feel a “hole” in us; we feel less than complete anymore; we feel sad.  We cry.  It is a good thing then when we cry at the parting of a loved one; it shows that we were fully human, fully living as we were created to live, in God’s image.

When love ends, we cry alone.  The aloneness we feel is also a natural thing.  Love is a willful giving of ourselves to another; it is a very personal thing we give.  When our love seems no longer to have anyone to receive it, it seems incomplete, and only we, alone, can feel that loss.  Others may offer condolences, but they cannot fill the loss we feel.

But what about eternal life, where love does not end?  Indeed, in death love goes with us to eternity; it is the only thing which does.  So is our loss of a loved one really a loss?  In the spiritual realm, we are present among our family.  Love goes on.  So why does the physical loss so dwarf all feelings and thoughts of some people?  Even when stopping to think on it, as I have done here, they still can’t feel joy for their loved one.  Why?  The answer, I think, is that they are weak in faith, even as I sometimes am.  There is no other answer.  Like Thomas, we naturally yearn to see to believe, and it takes a strong faith to believe without seeing.

Science says that things which exist can be measured, and if it can’t be measured, it can’t be proven to exist.  I suppose a scientist might measure the existence of love in various ways: counting physical contacts between people or certain physical actions, and perhaps even physical/chemical reactions in the brain.  And if the physical presence weren’t there, like the child leaving home, I suppose the scientist might count the number of phone contacts, emails, or texts as evidence of love.  But if someone’s cell phone breaks, would the scientist be forced to say that all evidence of love has ended?  Well, whatever a scientist might say or not, we know that love is not simply measured in that way because love is not only a physical action.  I can still choose to love without physical contact, and without a physical response, even if my nature yearns for that physical contact.  I can love in faith that my love somehow matters to my beloved, whether they be alive or dead, and that knowledge matters to me.  Speaking for myself, I still greatly love my departed father and sister and brother, and have great confidence they feel my love.

The physical presence of someone makes love complete in the physical world; it is a natural thing.  The spiritual presence of someone will make love complete in eternity, but for now it is a thing --- in this world --- of faith.

I guess that brings up one further example of love, and tears when love ends: the sometimes connection we feel of God’s presence.  We are a body and soul, a physical and spiritual combination.  Sometimes it happens, upon receiving Holy Communion, when meditating in the adoration chapel, or perhaps even when praying in the car, that we deeply feel the presence of God.  And at times like that we often cry.  I think those tears are our physical nature intruding on the spiritual connection, reveling in the good bodily feeling of a spiritual completeness, but at the same time being aware that this feeling is most temporary in this world; the connection with the One we love will soon end, and we naturally cry at the thought of parting.  Our bodies yearn for physical presence and love, and our souls yearn for spiritual presence and love --- but on this earth, that is only something we appreciate in faith.  But that is not to deny it is a strong yearning, this eternal yearning, for this time of no more parting, no more tears.

It is a blessing for our earthly loved ones to enter eternity, and our love for them will continue there.  It seems fitting to me that today is both Mother’s Day and Ascension Day; both are days celebrating blessings.  But it is hard, sometimes, to see our blessings through the tears; for me both days are reminders of parting. 

“It was the best of times; it was the worst of times,” wrote Charles Dickens.  They were times of tears.  But through all those times and these times we need to remember in faith:  we may feel sad, but those are really tears of happiness.

We need to keep our body’s natural feelings apart from our minds’ control of our bodies.  Natural feelings are associated with things which are natural --- good or bad --- for our body.  They are the feelings of the body, in this world where the body exists.  But we can’t let these feelings control our mind, for we need to engage our mind on those things beyond the body, spiritual things --- and love.  We can’t let our feelings of sorrow or of pain define whether we love or hate someone or something; those are feelings or the body.  They serve a purpose, but not an eternal one.

For in heaven there will be no more tears, no more pain, no more parting.  Our mind needs a faith that believes this strongly.  It needs to not be anxious.  We DO cry alone here on earth for the departure of a loved one, but we rejoice as a family, in love, for all eternity. 

Love never dies.

Beauty Is A Blessing

It is natural that I should want things I need, food, shelter and clothing.  I could not survive without them.  It is also natural that I should worry:  Do I have enough for the future?  And, unfortunately, it is natural that my weak brain which cannot foresee the future should make plans for the worst, and then “what I need” turns into “what I want.”  And I often want too much, forgetting that I was created not just to exist --- much less to exist in extravagance and self-satisfaction, but that I was created to love, to give of myself, even from things provided for my needs.

This earth was given to man as a gift, to care for and ensure it provides for his needs, and those of his neighbor.  It provides for my natural needs, but it provides something even more, it provides for my spiritual needs.  It provides beauty.

If a man were to live out his life in a concrete room with his basic needs given him, he would not be living the way he was created to live.  The earth in all its created beauty is something that man needs, and something which we should care for and use prudently, but like growing food for our needs, we should also contribute to the beauty in this world --- for our needs.

It’s Spring in Michigan --- finally.  The first warm night last week, I stopped at the adoration chapel on my way home from mom’s house and found it was full, SRO.  Some people knew what a blessing a Spring day is, and stopped to give the Creator thanks.  I said a prayer outside the small chapel and headed into town to perhaps have a glass of wine, but every restaurant, every bar, every coffee shop was overflowing, with all the outside tables and chairs full also.  Even a stop at the local ice cream parlor was a problem, with a full parking lot and long lines.

Still, even with this bit of inconvenience to my plans, Spring was beautiful.  And as I drove home, I gave praise.

 I walked into my yard to see that Spring flowers were coming up along the fence line.

And the trees in the front yard were in full bloom.

This first Spring weekend was the local home association’s annual
garage sale, and the neighborhood streets were jammed with cars.

My neighbors set up a tent in their drive, and their children hustled customers with their cute looks: “You will buy something, won’t you?”  And everyone, happily, did.  (And for my part, I provided them Popsicles and their dog, Milkbones.)

Meanwhile, I went out to begin my contribution to neighborhood beauty, buying flats of flowers and, contributing to the neighbor’s needs, flats of vegetables. 

My garden overflows each year, and neighbors know they are welcome to pick from it, but discreetly they usually don’t, so I have to go door to door with my excess.  (Although I think they like it more when I cook using food from my garden, giving away excess chili, spaghetti sauce and my eggplant lasagna.)

We were not created merely to obtain our own needs from this earth, and just exist. All our lives we are challenged to evangelize, to be Sowers of the seeds of our faith. 

And one of the more precious things that we sow in this world is beauty.  I wonder, sometimes, if that doesn’t yield even greater harvests than all our preaching.

What Are You Giving

Do not love the world,
or the things in the world.
If anyone loves the world,
love for the Father is not in him.
For all that is in the world,
… is not of the Father but is of the world.
And the world passes away, and the lust of it;
but he who does the will of God abides forever.
1Jn 2:15-17

I have the above words underlined in my LOTH, and I also have some commentary in the margins.  Those things of the world cited in the quote, carnal things, those are things you want.  But the last line, doing the will of God is talking about the things you give.  I thought the phrasing very pertinent in that the things we want of this world pass away, but the things we give in this world last forever.  Note that both are things of this world, because we are in this world, and they may even in some cases be the exact same thing!  What is different, however, is why we do them:  for ourselves, or for God.

So many environmentalists espouse not taking from this world, not abusing its gifts, but they fall short in really appreciating all of God’s creation, for they often forget to include themselves, men.  God did not create man like other plants, animals, and things of earth, to live peaceably among them, God created man to not just abstain from taking too much from this world, but to give --- as He does.  Man is meant to give of himself to other men; he is meant to make a difference in this world. Every man exists for a reason, a unique reason.  He is important in the eyes of God.

The good things I see on the internet give me encouragement, that there are so many giving people in this world:  the women who love their children, even the naughty ones or the physically challenged ones, women who are giving of themselves to their little blessings from God; the men, the ones in religious life or the fathers,  and even those young adults just growing into adult responsibilities, I read on the internet of the ones who choose to give of themselves, to make that the key priority of their life --- to make a difference in this world --- not for plants and animals, but for other people.  These women and men make my heart glad.  All these internet examples of giving offer me a little window into seeing people living as we are meant to live.  And then I close the computer and the window closes, and I look at the world outside my door.

Some days it is hard not to be sad at what I see.  And some days it is hard to look in the mirror and not be sad at me, and how little I give, and how often I lust after the things of this world that I want.

Josef Pieper in his book The End of Time seems to see an end of the world in which all of us will get all that we seek, and we will all think that this is a good thing.  Some will want all they can get for themselves, and think this is good, and some will want all they can give for others, and think this is good.  And then the end will come, with the many only concerned for themselves celebrating that they have forgotten how to give.  And Pieper alludes that this will be the end of real love for these people.  They will celebrate the end of love. 

What are you giving with your life?  By your gift of yourself, are you making a difference in this world?  When you are gone, will it matter that you have lived?  Every man exists for a reason, a unique reason.  Are you giving to this world a love that only you can give?  Are you making a difference, as you were created to do?  Will the difference you make pass away, or will it abide forever?

What are you giving?

I look in the mirror, and ask myself these questions.  Do you?