Alone -- By Choice

Orig: 1/19/09

Dear Lord;

So much of what you have given me, I have abused. I thought it was mine, not a gift, and I could do with it whatever I wanted. Its purpose was mine to define. I was wrong.

And so I return it to you willingly. I did not uses the circumstances of my life – my opportunities, my abilities, my home, my friends, the choices I could have made – as you intended, so I give them back to you. I want no one; I want nothing – but You.

I ask only one thing: though I may have abandoned my friends by not being your presence to them – as you guided me to be – yet let not my failings be borne by them. If I could not, with your help, open them to your Love, then I beg You Lord to send your saints, your angels, your Holy Spirit to be with those you have brought into my life. Let not my failings fail them, but you, in your Mercy, show them your Love; guide them home.

As for me, all I want is you. Be with me and I need nothing else, no one else. Praise You forever, my Jesus; I Trust in You.

In years gone by, you brought so many people into my life – opportunities to receive you and your guidance through them, opportunities to bring you to them, through me. But all I brought them was me. Truly, I acted as if I were god, a gift for them. And instead of your Peace and Love, I brought them the sadness of this world. It was all I had. So I brought them only love of sin, of the things I could give them. And in truth, I wanted them for things they could give me. A mutual “want”, -- taking – and caring so little so infrequently of “giving”. And so, I took from them and they from me what we wanted. But it brought us no heavenly peace or love, because it was totally of this earth – seeking to please our bodies. Now.

But we did not ask for You, Now. You were a thing of the future; we trusted in your Mercy but never sought your Love. We thought we could choose – and take – things to make us happy, to get peace and love. But an eternal peace and love comes from you, and we do not just choose them, or earn them. They are a gift; a gift to be accepted. But we, in all our “wants” never wanted You. We wanted Now. We wanted not gifts offered by You, unsure or not understanding how they would make us happy, but gifts we “KNOW” would make us happy.

We “know”. How wise we often thought we were. But even Wisdom is a gift, true Wisdom.

Peace, Love, Wisdom – gifts for eternal life. But we “want” for Now.

Lord, help me to remember why you came and died for us: To give us an eternity, an eternity of Peace, Love, and Wisdom in You. Give me a little bit of Your Wisdom, even if I don’t ask for it. Help me to know how short my “Now” is, and how long and wonderful that eternity can be. Lord, help me to “want” that. Help me to act like I want that. Even if you give me no friends, no money, no happiness “Now”, give me what You died for, for me, in the future.

My Jesus, I trust in You.