Irritability

It is possible that a person will be disturbed and troubled by his brother’s words, either because he is not in a good frame of mind, or other reasons as well. Yet the reason for all disturbance, if we look to its roots, is that no one finds fault with himself.
It does not matter how many virtues a man may have, even if they are beyond number and limit. If he has turned from the path of self-accusation, he will never find peace. He will always be troubled himself, or else he will be a source of trouble for others and all his labors will be wasted.
From the teachings of Saint Dorotheus, abbot.


Yesterday I read a blog by someone who confessed their ease at being irritable at others. And this irritability was in itself, it seems, irritable. I confessed the same problem. So when I read the above meditation in the morning’s readings, it caught my attention. The problem is that no one finds fault with himself. And even further, if he has turned from the path of self-accusation, he will never find peace. Some pretty blunt statements, and worth considering --- and then looking in the mirror.

This morning I read about Job and his “irritations,” and then how he was humbled by God: Would you condemn Me that you may be justified? I fear that is what many of us may in effect be doing; we can’t criticize ourselves, and so we criticize God. We criticize His action in our irritation at things we don’t agree with or understand. We would condemn Him before ourselves. And then I read further:

Saint John gives us these words of advice: “Test the spirits to see if they are from God.” Now no one can test the spirits to see if they are from God unless God has given him discernment of spirits to enable him to investigate spiritual thoughts, inclinations and intentions with honest and true judgment. Discernment is the mother of all the virtues; everyone needs it either to guide the lives of others or to direct and reform his own life.
In the sphere of action, a right thought is one ruled by the will of God, and intentions are holy when directly singlemindedly toward him. … This then is true discernment, a combination of right thinking and good intention. Therefore, we must do all our actions in the light of discernment as if in God and in his presence.
From a sermon by Baldwin of Canterbury, bishop


Perhaps here is a clue on how to control our irritations and actions which flow from them. Thinking on how we feel and how we act when something irritates us: are we acting as God would act, or even as we would act if we were in His presence?

When we feel ourselves irritated at another, an alarm should be going off in our head. Whether they disagree with what we said or did, whether they ignore it, or whether they do not understand it, it matters not. If we become irritated, we should hear an alarm in our head, and should first be questioning ourselves. It is not a lack of self-confidence or a weakness of character to question ourselves, to look at our actions or positions. It is a strength of character, and a witness of humility and of love of neighbor, to hear another’s opinion or view his action, and consider if we have something to learn there. It is an admission of the value of every person. It is an admission that we may be wrong, or may not fully understand all the facts of a situation. It is an admission that God may have other plans here; ones I do not understand. The alarm we hear should be a brake to our irritation, to keep our peace --- and perhaps that of others.

Last night in the chapel someone politely asked me: “How are things going?” My response was to voice (with some vehemence) my latest irritation. I think I committed then a double sin! Not only had I ruined my own peace of mind, but I actually sought to ruin theirs, implying by my rant: Be sympathetic with me, get upset also, and agree with me!

“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace”, is my morning prayer. How easily I forget. How easily I forget (what Baldwin reminds me), that at each moment of each day, I AM in His presence.

I wrote a while back about the realization that I was an evangelist. I noted in that reflection that I am most often an evangelist not by my words, but by my actions. So ……, how much of an evangelist was I last night, by my actions? Ranting on my irritations, was I an example of Christ and His actions? Did I bring this person closer to God? Did I help make their prayers more fruitful, or did I distract them from prayer altogether? I often pray: “Lord, help me to do Your will.” Just who’s will was I advancing last night, in giving rein to my irritation?

Lord, have mercy.

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. But if I am to be your instrument, I fear I am so badly out of tune. Lord, grant me the gift of discernment, that when faced with something contrary to my will, I might know, and do, Your holy will. Not mine.

Give me the humility to accept things beyond my control, without irritation, and the faith to know that no things are beyond Your control, nor Your loving concern. Help me to understand that any irritation I may have is a lack of faith in others, and in You, and at its source an over-confidence in myself.

Lord, grant me peace.

And may He grant peace to you also, my sisters and brothers. Do not be anxious.